Gleecap : S02E10

So, here's what you missed on Glee. It's Christmas in Lima, Ohio! William McKinley High School is filled with decorations and unacceptable sweaters. The Teacher's Lounge has christmas tree after Christmas tree, and everybody seems bright and vibrant, it's another wonderful day in Los Angeles Ohio. You'll notice that there are almost no outside shots this episode, because Los Angeles look nothing like Ohio in the wintertime. Regardless of the outrageousness in dress, decoration and unseasonably warm weather, we find Emma and Will in the Teachers' Lounge. 

She has picked up on the fact that Will is seventeen different kinds of butthurt since Emma ran off to Vegas to get married. She suggests that things might not be ok between them, DUH. You're the school counselor. How can you be so dense Emma? Seriously. What did you think? Everything was going to be all smiles and happy sexytiems? NO. He effing loves you, you stupid cunt. We learn that Will is going to be alone for Christmas, and Emma adds insult to injury by inviting him to a Christmas party. Bieste enters with the secret santa tub, and everybody pulls their name. Emma looks none-too-thrilled, and Will get's Coach Sylvester. 

Ringing bell transition to Brittany, who we learn still believes in Santa, and Arti, who is wearing the first of SEVERAL sweaters. Pay attention to these sweaters ladies n' gentlemen. If you're not sure what to get me for Christmas, boom. Any one of the outrageous sweaters I will post at the end of this Gleecap will be smashing. Brittany suggests that the roads to the north pole are getting treacherous and that Artie should write his letter quickly and send it off. "and remember, even the smallest envelope is heavy for an elf." Last week, I wasn't sure how I'd feel about them dumbing and childizing Brittany even more than they've done so far. This episode, umm, yeah. I am loving me some Brittany. Not to mention to boyfriend points that Artie wins for being fucking awesome and promoting her continued belief in Santa. Who takes at least four forms through the course of the show today, btdubs.

As a side note, has anybody else noticed that Myspace seems to have vanished from this show? It was like a key point in the first season, but so far, facebook is where it is at in the gleeverse. Cut to aspecial title card, and at 2:22 we get our first song of the episode. I missed having an opening song to look forward to in every episode. There is something about it that gets me geared up for the show. Luckily, we won't be having all twelve songs from the christmas album in this episode, which is refreshing. I've been listening to that thing for weeks now. 

The first song is The Most Wonderful Day Of The Year, from the Rudolph special from my childhood. It is sung to the glee kids decorating their sad little Christmas tree in the choir room. It's adorable, and very indicative of the glee club. If you don't have the Christmas soundtrack, I encourage picking it up, this song happens to be track five. Laren Zizes is still a member of glee club, which hopefully is a sign of things to come. The whole group seems genuinely happy. How can you not be happy when singing Christmas music? You'll note the absence of Chris Colfer's voice, bcause he's at Dalton still. Eventually, this breaks up to show Schu coming into the choir room and asking about the origins of the tree, presents and ornaments.

Tree fell off some dude's car, ornaments from a recently murdered holiday hoarder, and presents froma  display at the mall. Schu isn't happy. Big surprise, right? The glee club does something to feel like a family, and Will gets all butt-hurt because he has no family, and nobody loves him and he's adopted. Ok, well, I don't know about the last one, but it's what I'd say to him to shut him up, especially after he suggests that they should raise money for a local homeless shelter by caroling from classroom to classroom. Seriously? Is Will retarded? I think so. He honestly thinks this is a good idea, kudos to his actor for the excellent portrayal of a pretarded douchetool. He says, with the creepiest smile ever in the history of mankind, that, "This year, Glee Club's goin' full-santa." Which, I can only assume is something akin to going full-monty only with a lot less sex-appeal. Unless it involves Noah, Will, Finn & Sam going shirtless for the remainder of the episode ... which it doesn't. 

5:55 Another song, the glee club is performing We Need A Little Christmas, track one from the album, in a classroom, while wearing matching sweater/scarf sets... Seriously, this whole scene was falshbacks to high school. Does anybody else remember the yearly caroling at school? *shudder* They've brought a whole band, and the students are not so thrilled about this performance. In fact, the teacher throws a shoe at them. Cutting back to the choir room, we find that Schu bought them a new tree to decorate.

 Oh yeah, and Brittany chimes in, as everybody is being emo/angstacular with a declaration that this year, she asked Santa to make the Glee Club not get picked on anymore. Seriously. How selfless can somebody be? It's like she's made of fucking magic. Artie reveals that she's being serious and believes in Santa. There is some discussion about whether to burst her bubble or not, and Artie tells them he has a plan. Rachel, who doesn't care about anybody but herself, uses this opportunity to tell Finn to meet her in the auditorium tomorrow at 4pm. Stupid bitch. You fucked up. I  mean COME ON! Let him come around on his own.

Schemey-face.

PAUSE. Artie's schemey face is fucking epic. I don't say much is epic. I think it's overused and ill-advised at least 90% of the time. His scheme, and I'm not sure how it's really a scheme, is to have Brittany watch the entire club go see Santa at the mall. Cut to said mall, where Brittany approaches a friendly elf who looks like she just came back from the longest smoke break of her life and says, "Can I be honest? I don't understand the difference between an elf and a slave. Just know you have rights."

The entire Glee Club, or the people it was easy to film, get onto Santa's lap to help reinforce Brittany's belief by making her think that everybody believes and that it is entirely normal to continue believing. Some of the best lines in the history of Glee happen in the next thirty seconds, which have been quoted as the captions for the following photographs. 

"I am not sitting on that guy's lap. Santa's lap is always warm, and it's kinda creepy."

"I want a pony, and a doll that laughs and cries, and ... ok, one of us smells like McDonalds"

"I want Puckerman to love me, he's a fox. I would also like some sweet potato fries."

"I want bling. I can't be any more specific than that. Wait! Hold up, please tell me that is a roll of certs in your pocket."

"Do you have anything for stretch marks?"

"When does Asian Santa arrive?"

"I want Channing Tatum to stop being in stuff."

"Santa you're a lot more tan." "That's because at the North Pole, there's a hole in the o-zone"

So, Brittany tells Black Santa that she wants Artie to walk for Christmas. Santa actually goes for it and says he can pull it off. Seriously, Black Santa? Why are you such a douche?! Did you miss the international throat-slitting stfu from Artie? You can't make a cripple walk. You're a fucking mall Santa. just say, "Damn kid, that's rough, can't do that, not enough Christmas magic in these old bones, try me next year." No, you had to go and screw some shit up le sigh. Now I need an outrageously expensive and over-produced musical number from Rachel in the auditorium. Luckily, at 9:36 we get one. 

 Cut to the Auditorium, which has no less than a dozen lit blue and silver Christmas trees, and the entire jazz band. Finn shows up, and Rachel gives him a gift, explaining that she doesn't do it often because she's a Jew. There is also a brief, yet terrifying dark moment, where Rachel explains that she likes her presents to be just right, and that we wouldn't believe how many kittens she gave away because they weren't perfect. Oh yeah, her gift is a note that promises a song of her choosing to the bearer of the note. It is to be sung with love. Finn sees through her clever attempt at making him forgive her, but refuses to do so. Good job, Finn! Them jews be crazy bitches. lemme tell ya. He storms off and the jazz band asks if they should leave. She says no because the AV Club worked so hard on the snow. 

If I've said it once, I've said it a million times. Where is the money for these numbers coming from. I can understand if they were dream sequences, or something like that, but no. This is legit, she makes reference to the decorations twice in the preceding conversation. I don't know if you've ever purchased, or made fake snow for a show, but that shit is expensive. She commences a three minute song with snow falling the entire time. If this is the plastic snow, umm, damn. Even making it yourself is a costly pain in the ass, and the AV club could have saved this shit for a much bigger production than one three-minute song. Not to mention the fact that this shit gets caught in the rafters and falls MONTHS after a holiday show has closed. Just as anybody who has ever worked A Christmas Carol at the Omaha Community Playhouse. Anyway, after much annoyance from me, and a harp solo, we cut to Will, writing down gift ideas for Sue. 

That doesn't matter though, because Kurt is in the Senior Commons of Dalton Academy studying Charlemagne, when the ever-stunning Blaine enters, stage right, wielding a CD player, and a request for assistance rehearsing Baby It's Cold Outside, the Lady Antebellum version, which happens to be the fourth song on the album, and at 53 plays, the number two song in my library. Soul Sister is first, with 85 plays. Do not judge me, dammit. Instead, enjoy these screencaps of the two boys performing, again thanks to Fox 41 for providing these screencaps which I most certainly did not take from an illegally downloaded copy of the episode that was downloaded from eztv.it.

 The whole scene is just awkwardly adorable enough to make it seem realistic. I will say though tht if they end up dating, I'm going to be angry. I have a hard enough time convincing my friends and family that two gay men can honestly be just friends without it being a sexual interaction. I'd much rather see Blaine continue to be a mentor and big-brother figure for Kurt. It would make the whole series ten times better in my book, but he's already contracted for next year, which means I'll be disappointed somehow. dammit.

 

 

 

This eventually leads into Will Scheuster's arrival at Dalton Academy, where he asks for Kurt's help in finding a present for Sue Sylvester. During their exchange, we learn that Kurt is in fact, 'in love' with Blaine. Frankly, I find it highly suspect that Blaine doesn't already have a boyfriend in this universe. Regardless though, this eventually cuts to Schu and Emma walking down the hall, and Emma confiding that she drew, you guessed it, Sue Sylvester, as her Secret Santa. Naturally, Will is schocked, I don't know why, everybody should have seen this coming, they are declaring their shock and awe when Bieste shows up and they discover, from Sue herself, that Secret Santa was rigged. GASP! Say it ain't so! Timmy's caught in a well, AND Sue stole Christmas? Grinch parallels abound. 

Speaking of which, Will calls Sue a Grinch and tells her she won't be getting away with this. After a commercial break, and a scene involving Sue stealing a santa hat from Lauren, we cut to Will dressed like a dapper lumber-dyke repossessing all of Sue's gifts and repurposing them as donations to the homeless shelter. AWW! The magic of Christmas. So, those presents get put under the tree in the choir room, and all is well in Whoville, which is when we cut to the footballers trying to convince Bieste to dress up as Santa, break into Brittany's house, tell her he can't make Artie walk, begrudgingly, Bieste agrees and we cut to Becky and Sue in the Coach's office. 

They are dressing up as a reindog, and The Grinch which leads to a montage of Sue stealing Christmas from the choir room, which Will sings You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch, also on the soundtrack, namely track 10. Of course, in proper Whovillian fashion, Brittany Loo-Who arrives and asks what's up to Santa, which is met with a lame excuse and Brittany, being adorable as shit, takes it as the Word of God, and goes on home. How she got into the school this late after hours is beyond me, seriously. What is up with these kids, do they just not have homes to be at?

The next day everybody wonders what happened, and Brittany makes excuses for Suenta. rachel, again because she only cares about herself, uses this an an opportunity to rope Finn into shopping for a new tree with her. At the tree lot, she sings Last Christmas from both last year's super special christmas album, and from this year's as well. Then she tries to kiss him, and he bails. Presumably, he leaves her at the tree lot, which is kind of bunk, because they definitely drove to the lot together, So, fuck you, Finn, way to be a douche. Remember ladies, this is why you always carry fifty cents so you can call a cab to take you home. 

The next day, there is some sort of a discussion about Gift of the Magi, in which Will sums it up as 'Like freakin' sucks." Yeah. no joke. I'm thinking nobody on staff actually read Gift of the Magi. Will goes into some spiel about the magic of christmas and I didn't pay much attention. I was too pissed off about them getting the gist of the story incorrect and educating millions of viewers who will probably say something similar in class sometime soon and will cause English teachers everywhere to exhale a sigh of frustration and defeat. Ryan Murphy, I am disappointed in you. You too Jew-writers. 

Bieste-Santa tells Brittany she can't make Artie walk. There was also some humanizing of Bieste in which she explains that all she wanted was to be like the other girls and Santa couldn't do that for her either. Leaving through the front door, Bieste-Santa explains that on dry-runs, Santa uses the isuzu. The next day, which seems like a trend in this episode, Brittany is shown taking down the decorations from her locker, because she's all butt-hurt about Santa not granting her wish. Will walks by and says he needs Brit & Artie in the Teacher's Lounge, but Artie feels like cutting classes with Brittany because her faith in Santa has been shaken... Yep. They get to leave school early because her belief in Santa is broken. Yep. Yeah. Are you kidding me? Is this an acid trip?

At 35:30, in the Teachers Lounge, the glee club, sans skippers, sings Welcome Christmas from How The Grinch Stole Christmas, and secret track 13 on the Christmas Album while teachers and Figgins put donations into a pail that was stolen from a Salvation Army ringer. Sue hears the singing and is enraged, but Becky reminds her, "Christmas came anyway, Coach, it's beautiful." This leads to The glee club, and  Schu walking to the choir room, where we discover Artie and his new toy, a Rewalk, which was discovered under Brittany's Christmas tree, and we learn, left by Bieste. Yay for Christmas miracles! Aww. Artie does some walking, and we keep getting shots of Schuester in his OUTRAGEOUS VEST! Seriously, look at that thing. It's like a steampunk christmas.

Cut to Schu's apartment, where we find Suenta has taken the liberty of using the key she had made, "ages ago," to set up a Christmas tree, along with the help of her gleelves. We get a hair joke, finally, and the Glee-clubbers enter, stage-right and Sue admits, "I don't hate the holidays, I just hate you." And that's what you missed, on glee.

 As we should all know by now, this is my final gleecap for the next two months. We will be glee-deprived until February 6th, 2011, when Glee returns for a special, later-aired episode taht will be focused on the Superbowl. I anticipate sexy times for a few people. Likewise, Finn & Rachel will likely reconnect. Blaine and Kurt will get closer, much to my chagrin and Lauren Zizes will continue to be a member of the glee club. I anticipate if she is a member for another episode, she'll likely get a solo of some sort. So, if you watched it, what did you think of this first half of the season? By the bay, fret not Blog-buddies, I have decided that, due to popular request, I will be writing retroactive recaps of the entire series starting at S01E01. They will be my Gleewinds, and you should expect them to start at some point in the near future. So, until then. Enjoy your day!

Getting to know me a little too well

First let me say that I am in the process of that promised recap. I'm currently trying to figure out what is important in the eight pages of notes I have. I am a little distracted by introspection tonight, so I thought I'd throw a little too much information your way. If you are my sister, you might not want to read this.

I am amazingly stunted in a lot of ways and tend to fail at really basic shit.

I haven't had a proper relationship since high school. By that I mean I haven't gone through the steps right since then. The whole liking someone, spending some time with them, the awkward first moves, easing into the physical side of things. For the last few years it's been more of a... we meet while we're both at least a little tipsy, we're attracted to each other, we chat for a (very little while), and macking (or more) ensues.

This was all fine and dandy. Sort of. It led to a lot of not-relationships, which isn't really my thing. It doesn't make me happy and leads to me feeling like I'm being used. I've been taking steps to try and change that (and I'm planning a post in which I recount these adventures with less mystery), but I can't seem to remember how to do things the "right" way.

I feel like I'm stuck in high school. I was a pretty frigid bitch back then. And now I'm regressing. I have no idea how to progress things, so I become completely awkward. Losing my inhibitions is good for me, but a reliance on social lubricants has led to them seeming like a necessity. I've gotten over a lot of my social awkwardness, and I can converse with new people fairly easily (I'm not exactly a pro, but I can get it done. With lots of non sequiturs and outrageous comments, but still. But that's from lots of practice and working at places where I have to talk to strangers.

I am still hung up on the idea that girls need to be chaste. I think that's the gist of my problem. I can't even go into Doctor John's (which I only did recently with a friend who needed some new lingerie!) without being incredibly embarrassed, let alone communicate what I want to a boy!

And then there's the fear of being used. Girls are supposed to be chaste because guys only want on thing, right? And once they get it, what use do they have for you? But we live in a crazy time where GASP sex is a thing that happens, is expected and totally necessary in most relationships. Which I do not disagree with. I enjoy it as much as the next girl. But I find myself totally torn and awkward when I find myself in a position where it is totally reasonable and not at all skeezy to expect things to step up a notch.

But anyway! Sorry for dumping my brain out here, but hopefully this will help me sleep better. It hasn't really helped me collect my thoughts or figure out a solution to this problem, but whatever. I'll hopefully have my recap up tomorrow.

OH! Actually more thoughts. Trust issues, man. That plays into it. I have been burned a lot in the past (occasionally absolutely hilariously, at least as far as story potential goes) and I always half expect I'm going to get burned again and half think MAYBE NOT THIS TIME! But despite the caps, the former is usually a lot louder. There's always a part of me screaming that every single guy is an asshole and I have no idea how to gauge the accuracy of that. Obviously not every guy is a jerk though, most of the gay ones are okay. Maybe I should just resign myself to being a life-long fag-hag/spinster lady and accept the fact that the person I'm most likely to end up in bed with is Cameron, who is it least always really warm and snores in a way that I've already adjusted to.

Doctor Who: The Eleventh Hour

Previously on Doctor Who: The Tenth Doctor sacrificed himself to save Wilfred Mott, absorbing way too much radiation in the process. He proceeds to regenerate, spewing the radiation through the TARDIS and basically destroying it. Eleven comes into being as the TARDIS is crashing, obnoxiously yelling "GERONIMO" and making me hate him a little bit.

Now:

We open on the TARDIS barreling towards Earth. Eleven is hanging out the doors, still rocking Ten's suit and tie, and pulling it off far better than Ten pulled off Nine's jumper and jacket. And... that's about that for this scene.

Theme song!


And now we cut to a sort of creepy, desolate exterior shot of a house. We see a young girl kneeling by her bed, in that classic prayer position, with a ... slight subversion. She begins "Dear Santa..." and that's the moment I decided I love Amelia/Amy Pond. She asks Santa to please do something about the creepy ass crack in her wall. She can here voices through it. So if he could send the police or something, that'd be sweet. She hears a crash outside, tells Santa she'll BRB (for real), and runs to the window to check it out. She sees "Police" written on the crash landed TARDIS, thanks Santa, and runs out to investigate.

The TARDIS has landed on its back, which causes a bit of the problem for the Doctor. He has to repel out. Which is when I forgave Eleven his geronimo related sins and started high fiving him with my brain. What a way to play with the shows quirks. Anyway, he emerges soaking wet, with triumphant music backing him. Amelia is incredulous. He explains that he had to climb up from the library, but was in the pool, because the pool was in the library.

She asks if he's there about the crack in her wall, which he will see to, but first he wants an apple. Which he then spits out. This bit continues through a number of different food items (highlights: "I hate yogurt, it's just stuff with bits in it!" and the chucking of bread and butter out the front door while yelling "And stay out!"), until he realizes what he really needs is fish sticks dipped in custard.

As they adorably sit across the table from each other enjoying their treats (Amelia is eating some ice cream straight off the scoop), they get to know each other a little bit. Well, Amelia helps the Doctor get to know himself, by informing him that he's funny. He in turn tells her Amelia Pond is a brilliant name, like in a fairy tale. We also learn that Amelia does not have parents, just an aunt. The Doctor underlines his loneliness by saying he doesn't even have that.

The Doctor smoothly brings us back to the subject at hand, namely the crack, by saying since she wasn't scared of him or the crash, it "must be a hell of a scary crack in [her] wall." They head up to Amelia's room to investigate.

While he's going on about the crack, how it was probably caused by two pieces of time or space that were never meant to touch doing so, she gives him an apple with a smiley face carved out of the skin, just like her mum used to. It's sweet and he keeps it for later.

The Doctor chucks some water out of a cup and uses it to listen to the crack. The voices are saying "Prisoner Zero has escaped," which Amelia already knows.

Anyway! Eleven decides that opening the crack up all the way is the best way to close it. He's a little nervous about this, seeing as the last time he tried something like this Rose got trapped in a parallel dimension, and he voices his concern with this exchange:

"You know when grown-ups say everything's going to be fine and you think they're probably lying to make you feel better?"

"Yes," says Amelia with an exasperated tone indicating she knows this feeling very well.

"Everything's going to be fine," says the Doctor with an amazing manic smile.

The Doctor holds Amelia's hand (which is almost as sure a sign of companion status as riding in the TARDIS is) and opens the crack. A giant eyeball appears.

It shoots some light at Eleven and the crack closes. Turns out it was sending a message to his psychic paper (yeah. He has psychic paper. It's pretty sweet.) which says... Prisoner Zero has escaped. They wonder why they would tell them that, but obviously it's because Prisoner Zero has escaped through the crack and into Amelia's house.

Eleven's trying to figure out where the hell this prisoner could be and feels like he's missing something in the corner of his eye. It's made clear that what he's talking about is that weird door on the right behind them, which they cannot see.

But that shit is going to have to wait because the goddamned cloister bell is ringing, which is to say things are getting real with the TARDIS. The bell only rings when something has gone horribly wrong.

So the Doctor runs to the TARDIS and realizes that the engines are phasing and if he doesn't do a quick hop to the future (five minutes ought to do), the whole thing will burn. Amy asks if she can come with, but he says she can't right now because it isn't safe, but he'll be back. She doesn't believe him, because people always lie when they say that. He says he isn't people, he's the Doctor, and she can trust him. Wonder if that'll bite him in the ass? But she believes him.



So the Doctor attaches a rope to himself and the TARDIS doors, hops in shouting Geronimo!, and takes off. Amelia runs inside and packs up her suitcase, but when she runs by the invisible door from earlier... it's open.

I have to break from the recap here and mention the music. Dear god the music here is amazing. The song is "Can I Come With You?" and it's brilliantly employed. It has a very hopeful feel to it, but the second that door is shown open it becomes very ominous and I genuinely feared that they were going to kill off Amelia, despite knowing that she was the official companion for the season. That's how you do a score for TV people!

Back to business. Amelia goes back out to the garden, sits on her suitcase, and waits, while the camera cuts back inside to show someone running through the empty house. (And I think little Amelia waiting for the Doctor while "Can I Come With You?" plays beats Brittany from Glee pushing the meatball across her plate. I forgot to mention this, so this is just being added right now, but FOR REAL!)

Much later the TARDIS reappears in the garden, during the day, sans Amelia. The inside still seems to be burning. The Doctor comes out shouting for Amelia, telling her he figured it out and he knows where Prisoner Zero is.

He runs into the house, using his sonic screwdriver to open the locked door. He gets to the floor with the invisible door and is whacked in the head with a cricket bat.

We cut to a hospital where a nurse (Rory) is trying to convince a doctor (not important) to listen to him. Apparently the coma patients all called for her (well they said Doctor, but who else could they be talking about, right?). She's a complete bitch and doesn't believe him really, then one of the patients does it right there. He says he also has pictures of the patients wandering around the village, but she elects to tell him to GTFO and not come back for a long time, instead of just looking at his damn camera phone. It's not like he was right about something you didn't believe just a second ago doctor lady! I'm so glad she dies. Oops, spoilers. Sort of.

So we cut back to the house, and it appears that the cricket bat culprit is a rather sexily dressed English policewoman who has handcuffed the Doctor to a thing. It's actually Amy, faking an English accent, and I am telling you this because it's important. This really makes it clear that Amy is not really an audience expy, unlike many past companions. Her first appearance as a full grown person involves her deceiving the Doctor and withholding information from him. It's pretty amazing. It's the first of many Doctor-like behaviors exhibited by her.

But anyway! She says that Amelia Pond hasn't lived there for six months and insinuates that it is due to some unfortunate circumstances (DEATH!). The Doctor is very upset at this revelation (I said I'd be five minutes! I promised!)

She says that she lives there and he asks her how many rooms are on this floor, and when she gives the wrong answer he tells her to look where she doesn't want to, the corner of her eye.

She now sees the door, and over the Doctor's protests (Do I just have a face no one listens to?... Again?) she decides to investigate. Really it's the perception filter making her believe that she always knew the door was there (I don't have the key. I lost it.) When she enters, she finds the sonic screwdriver on a table covered in some gross looking stuff. He tells her to leave it, but she grabs it anyway. And then a creepy thing (Prisoner Zero) descends from the ceiling!

The Doctor tells her not to try and see it, because it will kill her if she does, but she ends up looking it square in the face anyway, and high tails it out the door. The Doctor locks it from across the hall with his screwdriver. She wonders if that will hold it and his response is priceless: Yeah of course. It's an interdimensional multiform from outerspace. They're all terrified of wood! Which I took to mean YOU SUCK M. NIGHT HOWEVER YOU SPELL YOUR LAST NAME, but maybe that's just me. Amy's response is an epic bitchface.

She admits that she is not a policewoman and has no back up coming. She's actually a kissogram and pulled on the outfit because he broke into her house and it was that or French maid.

A man (one of the coma patients in the hospital) emerges from the room with a door. Amy thinks maybe it's okay because it's just a man (which come on! You were just in that room! It would be bad even if it were just a man and a dog because they came out of a room that they weren't in!), but the Doctor explains that Zero can take on different forms.

He has the same fascination with the bad things as he always has, because they're novel. He can't disguise it. He questions Zero, calling it a "clever old multiform." Of course, it has a little trouble working with two faces and ends up making the man growl and bark like a dog (Amy: What? I'm sorry, what?!") Eventually it just gives up on the pretense and makes SCARY FACE!


There's a bit of a dance about whether or not they have back-up, but when they finally land on "if we had back-up you'd have to kill us" they hear "Attention Prisoner Zero, the human residence is surrounded." which Eleven decides to say means they are safe. "Prisoner Zero will vacate the human residence or the human residence will be incinerated." Aside from incineration anyway.

So the Doctor grabs her hand and goes "Run!" like we needed another cue that she's the companion, and they book it. The Doctor explains what's going on to Amy again. He also discovers that the TARDIS has locked him out, because it's repairing itself. Then he licks her shed (what a terrible euphemism that would be) and realizes that he isn't six months late, he's twelve years late (the shed was originally destroyed when the TARDIS crashed and the new shed has become old again). He asks why she said it six months and she just screams "WHY DID YOU SAY FIVE MINUTES?!" completely dropping her faked English accent in favor of her Scottish one. This sort of continues for a while. "You hit me with a cricket bat!" "12 YEARS!" is a highlight. Amy is just delighting in finally being able to let out all of this frustration on someone either than the four psychiatrists she went to and kept biting for saying he wasn't real.

They hear the message about the human residence coming from an ice cream truck, and look at this fucking ice cream guy you guys.

It turns out the message is broadcasting everywhere. They run into an old lady's house and see that it's being broadcast on international television stations as well. The old lady also asks Amy if she's with the police now, because it seems like she was just a maid. And a nun. The Doctor says she was a little girl five minutes ago, clearly squicked at the kissogram thing, and she calls him worse than her aunt. But "[he's] The Doctor. [He's] worse than everybody's aunt!" but that's not how he's introducing myself. The name rings a bell with the lady, who realizes it's Amy's imaginary friend, "The Raggedy Doctor," who she used to draw stories about. We also hear about this from Jeff, who lives with the old lady and is fairly attractive.

Oh and the aliens are going to blow up the whole planet. He figures he's got about 20 minutes about 20 minutes to save the world. Unfortunately Leadworth, the village, is pretty crap and the only thing at his disposal is a post office. Which is shut.

And then things got worse. The sun went wibbly, blocked by a force field from the Atraxi (those giant eye things that are going to blow up the world). Everyone starts taking pictures of it, but the Doctor notices Rory standing there, not taking a picture of the sun, but rather the man with a dog from earlier. He is going to go talk to him, telling Amy that he can do it, he can save the world. 20 minutes, run to your loved ones and say goodbye or stay and help me. She screams NO! and proceeds to trap him in a car door using his tie.

She demands an explanation from him. He says he's the Doctor and he's a time traveler. He tosses her the apple from earlier, telling her she knows it's the same apple and asking her to just believe him for twenty minutes.

She agrees to and they stop Rory, who is Amy's boyfriend. He explains about the coma patients (which the Doctor figures out at the same time Rory is telling him). Rory is freaking out about the Doctor's existence (You made me dress up as him!), but Prisoner Zero realizes their presence and starts to be freaky again. An Atraxi ship comes down to scan for non-terrestrial tech, so the Doctor uses his screwdriver to make a bunch of hooplah, because nothing says non-terrestrial like a sonic screwdriver. Unfortunately, the screwdriver has had a rough day and decides to die before Prisoner Zero is found. This really pisses the Doctor off.

So now he has 17 minutes, no TARDIS, and no screwdriver. We also find out that the Atraxi took 12 years to get here because they followed the Doctor, so that's convenient.

So he sends Amy and Rory to the hospital because that's where Prisoner Zero probably went, since he disappeared down a storm drain, and heads back to the old lady's house to use Jeff's laptop. He hacks into a video chat with the foremost minds of our day who are trying to figure out the whole fucked up sun things, gives them some brilliant stuff (like the secret to faster than light travel with 2 diagrams and a joke) so that they'll listen to him, which is a nice change from 10 who usually just went "I AM THE DOCTOR! *STOMP STOMP STOMP* LISTEN TO ME! *POUT POUT POUT*" He writes a virus on the phone he stole from Rory and sends it to everyone, so that they can send it to everyone. It resets counters to zero. He gets ready to take off, leaving Jeff to make them do what he wants them to do. He sort of forces Jeff into being extraordinary ("Today's the day you save the world!" "Why me?" "It's your bedroom.")



Rory and Amy can't get in to the coma patients, due to Patient Zero killing a bunch of bitches, but when they call the Doctor he reminds them that Amy is currently passing as an officer of the law, so they get in. They encounter a lady with 2 children, who explain to them that all the doctors and nurses are dead. And then one of the children starts talking with the woman's voice. It's Prisoner Zero, fucking shit up again! So it's time for the scary face and then running.

They end up in the coma ward, once again using the complicated piece of technology that is a door to stop the alien. They call the Doctor and inform him of what's going on, and he tells them his on his way, having stolen a fire truck. He also asks what window they are at. After Zero breaks down the door and tells Amy that the Doctor will not be coming for her this time, they get a text message that says DUCK (The Doctor texts and drives. For shame!) and the ladder of the fire truck crashes through the window.

The Doctor scurries up the ladder and inside and has a nice little chat with Zero. He asks Zero to give itself up to save the planet, but Zero says it will be killed and it might as well take a planet out with it. Can't fault it there really. The Doctor asks why Zero doesn't just open up another crack, and Zero gives the Doctor some shit about not knowing where the cracks in the universe come from. It also says "The Pandorica will open. Silence will fall." which are our arc words for the season, but they leave Rory quite confused and gift us with his epic "...the fuck?" face.

But now it's the set time for the Doctor's virus to kick in. All the counters in all the world reset to Zero, putting the word out. The Atraxi will be able to track the virus to its source, which happens to be the phone that the Doctor has on him. Zero says that the Atraxi cannot recognize it in this form, but the Doctor points out that the phone has pictures of all the forms it can take and, oh yeah, he just sent all those to the Atraxi. He's pretty proud of himself for this one, exclaiming "Who da man?!" and making some pretty hood arm movements. Of course, this goes over poorly (because the Doctor is a nerd) and he declares he's never saying that again (a little sadly).

But it turns out Zero can take one other form, because it's had years to form a link with Amy. It does so, causing Amy to lose consciousness. Instead of turning into Amy though, Zero first appears to be the Doctor. Little Amelia is quickly shown to be there as well, holding the Doctor's hand. Zero, as Amelia, says that poor Amy never grew up or out of her dream of the Doctor. (It's also interesting that the Doctor's first look at himself is through Amy's psyche pretty much. He doesn't even recognize himself at first, Rory has to point it out to him.)

The Doctor says Amy is dreaming of him because she can hear him. He tells her to dream about what she saw in the room all those years ago, when she got a look at Zero's true form. It works and Zero changes back into itself. The Atraxi snatch him up and book it.

This will simply not do, so the Doctor calls them and yells about the Shadow Proclamation and how Earth is a fully established level five planet and they were just going to core it? Did they think no one was watching? He tells them to get back her right the hell now.

But first, Eleven doesn't even have his own outfit yet, so he goes to a locker room and steals a bunch of clothes, saying "I need a decent shirt. To hell with the raggedy, time to put on a show" with a fabulous flourish that could not be captured in a screen cap. He changes and Amy watches, with Rory chastising her for doing so.

The Doctor explains that he called the Atraxi back because leaving is good, but never coming back is better. So they head up to the roof with the Doctor rocking some new duds, without having settled on a tie yet.

He addresses the Atraxi while tossing aside tie after tie. He asks them if this world is a threat? Have the people broken any laws of the Atraxi? The Atraxi show some bits of terrible things from the world, but decide that the Earth is not a threat. Then the Doctor asks if they think they're the first to try this kind of thing. So the Atraxi pull up videos of some of the Doctor's rogues gallery. He asks if this world is protected, and the Atraxi pull up images of each of the ten previous Doctors (I specify that they show all ten, because there are still some people who believe that the Eighth Doctor doesn't count). Eleven walks through the final image of the Tenth Doctor, newly clad in his bow tie, and says cheerily, "Hello. I'm the Doctor. Basically, run." And you bet your ass the Atraxi take the fuck off, because when the Doctor starts badass boasting to you it's time to get the hell out of there.

As the Atraxi are leaving you can hear the sound of the TARDIS engines, and Eleven feels something hot in his pocket. It's the TARDIS key, telling him it's ready to go.

When Amy and Rory look round, they see that the Doctor has Batman'd his ass out of there. He's booking it for the TARDIS. We finally get a glimpse at the new TARDIS design when he makes it back to Amy's house.

The Doctor opens the door, excited to see what the TARDIS has in store for him this time. He looks absolutely happy and says "Oh, you sexy thing" which I loved because Doctor/TARDIS OTP.


And he leaves, just as Amy and Rory show up. Amy is depressed, because fucking seriously Doctor? Not that I can really be mad it him because of my aforementioned one true pairing on this show, but that's pretty shitty.

When she closes her eyes it cuts to little Amelia waiting atop her suitcase, this time in the light of day. She hears the TARDIS engines and looks up.

It turns out, however, that this is just a dream that Amy is having. The TARDIS engines are real though. She absolutely bolts out of bed and runs to the window. She sees the TARDIS outside and heads out the door.

She gives the Doctor some crap for the clothes and the fact that he stole them. He thinks it's okay since he just saved the world for the millionth time. She does not approve of the bow tie, but he insists bow ties are cool (and I must agree).

After this banter, he asks her to come with him. She starts to talk about all of the crazy things that have happened over the course of the episode, sounding like she's apprehensive to go because of the danger. He starts to say that it's not all terrible, but she finishes her thought by saying that was all 2 years ago. 14 years since fish custard. He gives her a title (Amy Pond, the girl who waited). She says she grew up, but he tells her not worry and that he'll soon fix that.

He snaps to open the TARDIS doors (which I am not a fan of being a thing, but think it is well employed here because he's trying to convince her that he's awesome and that's a pretty cool touch from the presentation stand point. He's showing off for her.) She enters and looks about as shocked as anyone would upon entering a blue box to find it has a whole world inside (just like he said).



He starts baiting her, asking if she has anything she'd like to say. Any passing remarks. He really does love it when they say it's bigger on the inside. He also makes a terrifying creeper face while doing this. Not really, but my pausing happened to catch such a creeper face anyway.

Her passing remark is "I'm in my nightie," but he informs her that there is plenty of stuff for her to wear in the wardrobe. She doesn't understand how he's so sure she's coming, but he says that she's a Scottish girl in an English village and he knows what that's like. She scoffs at the idea, but he points out that despite having lived in England practically her whole life, she has retained her accent. He knows she's coming.

The TARDIS has made him a new sonic screwdriver. He says "Thanks, dear." This is when he is fully a new Doctor, really. He's got a new outfit, a new TARDIS, and a brand new screwdriver with a light that better compliments his new outfit.

She asks why he wants her to come with him. He says that he's been by himself for a while and has developed the annoying habit of talking to himself and it's hurting his ears. She gets that he's lonely, and asks if that's it. He says it is. Of course, during this they are standing in front of a oscilloscope thingy, which also happens to be showing the crack from Amy's wall (which is our arc-image for the season). The Doctor pointedly shuts it off after saying the only he wants her around is to ease his loneliness, making it clear that he knows something else is up.


She tells him that she spent all these years thinking he was just a mad man with a box. He gets very serious, telling her to pay attention because what he's about to say may save her life one day, "I am definitely a mad man with a box." He really lights up while saying this.


Amy verifies that she can be back by tomorrow for some unspecified stuff, and the Doctor tells her she can be back five minutes ago, it's a goddamned time machine! Speaking of which, they have the whole of space and time awaiting them, so it's about time to get adventuring!

We stick around Amy's house for the end though. The camera pans through her room, revealing her collection of drawings and homemade dolls featuring her younger self and the Doctor, and then dramatically sweeps up... a wedding dress hanging on her closet door. So now we know her unspecified plans for the next day are actually her wedding and she's basically running away with another man, who she has been obsessed with since childhood.

THE END

And now my thoughts, really quickly since I've managed to write a crap ton already. I really like this episode a lot. I think that, while the whole Atraxi/Prisoner Zero thing is sort of crap, it is okay, because this episode is about the characters. Its purpose was to introduce us to the Eleventh Doctor and Amy (and Rory). The monster of the week plot doesn't have to be spectacular in a character driven episode. Crap might've been too strong of a word for it anyway, since it was sort of interesting. But yeah, I enjoyed the millionth rewatch that was required for this post and I'm sure I'll watch it again in the future.

Expect my new recap sometime soon. Hopefully it'll be shorter.

The Craft

"We are the weirdos, mister." -- Nancy

This is a continuation of my ongoing series about The Things I Have Learned From The Boys I Have Kissed. It is a jump sideways. You'll note I'm not going chronologically. This is purposeful, intentional and direct. I have ranked these kisses in order from most-important to least-important. Not that any kiss is less important than any other, Oh who am I kidding? Some kisses just matter more. This posting isn't about one kiss in particular, in fact it is about several kisses by several men in one night. Specifically, the Vernal Equinox of 2006. March 20th to give a precise date. 

There are those who have known me since 2007 that have never heard this tale. Likewise, there are those who have known me only a very short time that do know this tale. It is one that I have closely guarded for various reasons. It speaks of unwed sex, and liberal kisses. What the few who know this story don't know is that it is the first instance in Arizona in which I was truly happy and comfortable with myself, my body and my sexuality. 

It starts with a party. I had a lot of these when I lived in Arizona. my fellows Arconauts and I enjoyed our soirees. They offered a bit of a break from the daily mundanity that comes from living at the arcology. Paolo Soleri and Mary Hoadley would have you think us studious little architects building a better tomorrow, when really we were college students, pot heads, alcoholics, rapists, and the worst scum of the universe. Ok, maybe we weren't that bad, but we got close from time to time. You'd be amazed at what happens when a group of ecologically-minded twenty-somethings start to consume alcohol and dance in an enclosed space. 

On this particular night, I was given the task of manning the bar. Trading kisses for shots of tequila and brief makeout sessions for mixed drinks, I took advantage of the situation and exerted power over the boys I most lusted for. The most important people this night were Franklin and Sun. Franklin was a boy with a girlfriend. Specifically, a girlfriend that I worked with on a daily basis and who loathed it when I would spend time with her significant other. I had always sensed the existing option that the two of them had troubles in the past with his wandering lips, and hands. I definitely took advantage of this fact through the evening. 

Sun was a boy visiting from Prescott. I would later go on to have an adventure with him that was far more personal and private when I moved to Phoenix later in the year. Tonight though was our first meeting, and was filled with public sex, and bisexual adventures. Eventually he and I would venture toward adventures that would lead to my favorite blanket, my least favorite trip to Burning Man and my most exciting weekend ever. 

Franklin was a sweet little desert thing, a creature of fantasy and music. He created sounds that made my heart pulsate with joy, and moved my feet to dancing. He was electric and delicious, with little cracks in his skin that begged exploration. His eyes were the best part though. There was something inside of them that entranced me and on his first night into the Arcology, he traded a kiss for a few shots, which is what gave me the idea for this particular evening to take advantage of the boys I most longed for. 

He managed to teach me that sometimes, all it takes is for us to let our guards down. I've found, since him, that letting myself be vulnerable has led me to some of the most rewarding opportunities in my life, both romantically and otherwise. Regardless of such, I still have these situations where I try to avoid vulnerability in an effort to remain in control of situations. This has led to a number of unfortunate episodes. (see also: Momma's little breakdown)

The boy called Sun was made of magic. He was fashioned from whispers and tied together with rainbow-strings. His skin tasted like salt and strawberries. His lips had the distinct texture of cream, and touching him felt like bathing in warm silk. He taught me that no matter how you look, how you feel, who you are, or where you're from, somewhere there is a person who can and will sense a connection with you and eventually, somehow, the two of you will meet. 

These two boys, and this night, taught me to be happy in my own skin. It's no secret that I'm not the thinnest. I'm not the most attractive. I'm not the most debonair, or intelligent. I'm not the perfect guy by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm beautiful, and whole, and complete. I'm me and I'm happy to be such. They also taught me to be comfortable with my sexuality and be open with it, until that point, I had guarded it in Arizona as if it were a disease or a monster that i kept inside of me. 

Someday, I'll recount my adventures with Sun, my trip to the reservation and other stories of my time in Northern Arizona. For now though, I'll leave you here, and hope that you find a little bit of guidance or knowledge in tales of my life and the boys I have kissed.

Dungeons & Dragons (2000)

"I'd have to put a 'feeble-mind'spell on myself to make me want to take *you* home" -- Marina Pretensa

Dear Blogbuddy,

Let me tell you a tale about my day so far. Keep in mind that as of typing these words, it is only 9:30 in the morning. Waking up at 1:30 on Tuesdays has its benefits, among them would be the opportunity to experience outrageousness early and frequently, which will only become more entertaining and outrageous as the day progresses, I assure you. I should explain that Tuesdays are an extra-long day for me. Specifically, because I need to be at the warehouse by 2am in order to process your DVDs that you send in on Saturday, because as Harry would say, "There's no post on Sunday." HP reference FTW. I wonder if I can make that a new thing, in addition to only using movie titles as the titles of my posts, I can sneak in an HP reference every blog post, I'd say I'd try, but I would no doubt fail, so I won't even think about it anymore.

At any rate, I never get enough sleep on Monday night, so I set aside a couple dollars every week to stop by the gas station and pick up a soda before work on Tuesdays. Lately, this has been ... rough. As I'm sure you read in [Katrina's Previous Post] we have some interesting characters to spend time at this gas station. If you ever want to meet them, it's the one on the corner of 84^th(Washington) and Cedardale Road. Luckily, Katrina only has to deal with crazed customers. I get to deal with the person who is so socially inept that he is banished to working the overnight shift at a gas station rather than hold down a real job. To describe this man as any one of the characters from 'Freaks n' Geeks' would be inadequate. Thankfully, my experiences with him have always involved a third person wanting desperately to get through the line and on with their life, and they've always been far less patient and infinitely less polite than myself. Regrettably, today, while already ten minutes behind schedule, was not so lucky.

I entered the empty gas station. I immediately bolted to the coolers to get my Mountain Dew, also known as the drink of the Gods, and grabbed the breakfast meat of champions, a slim jim. Placing my items on the counter and preemptively handing him my cash to speed the process, I tried to muster all of the non-eye-contacty-silent-urgency that I possible could, when he asked, "How's the weather."

How's the weather. HOW'S THE WEATHER?! It's 2 am on a Tuesday and you ask me, "How's the weather?"?!?!?!

"Cold," I respond.

"Lol," yes, he said those three letters, "Well, at least you get a few seconds to warm up."

He rings up my items and gives me a total and while holding my change he says, "I got accused of God-modding in my RPG group last night."

PAUSE. Feel that? That sinking shit feeling you just got. That overwhelming rush of sympathy? Yeah. Yeah. That's the feeling I would have liked to get. Instead, I went into panic mode. Let me make something very clear, I have played DnD. I still do sometimes. Not with any frequency to call myself a gamer, but enough to understand core rule sets, and to grasp the concept of the words he just spoke. Before I can stop him by exiting smoothly, he goes into a 15 minute diatribe about his character in ... wait for it ... a Star Wars Pen & Paper RPG. DnD is bad enough, but now you have to add a whole new level of geek to it by incorporating Star Wars, the next thing I know he's going to have his Magic: The Gathering cards and I'll be in high school all over again.

I strain to act interested, my soul dying bit by bit inside, when he finally says, "Oh geez, it's been a while. You have a nice day, buddy."

So, I go to work. You know. No. Star Wars PnP RPG is enough outrageousness for one post. I at least know that I am never going to that gas station overnight again. nope. No way. Not gonna happen. I'll never leave. I'll be stuck forever listening to him talk about his 'friends' and his character sheets. *shudder* I'll say this much, my shift at the warehouse, which normally lasts 5 hours went for 7.5 today. I nearly cried by the time I left. I've got shit to do.

I'm going to be talking about Doctor Who a lot. Get used to it please.

I love Doctor Who. I originally planned on recapping new episodes, starting with the Christmas special, but I thought back-recapping would be nice. This is an epic undertaking, so while I'm working on getting the first recap ready, I thought I'd put together an intro post to get you used to the idea/scrolling past my posts.

Doctor Who is an amazing show. It's been on the air forever, basically, except for a really long hiatus. The new series started in 2005. But forget about all that history. Hell, forget about the new series. What I want you to worry about is season five, the most recent season. Who got a new showrunner, a new Doctor, all new companions, a redesigned TARDIS, and a more epic soundtrack. I love the rest of the new series, but season five was amazing, and a perfect place for you to start.

I recommend watching it, but if you decide not to, but are still interested, please read my recaps as they come. I hope to have the season five recaps done before Christmas, but recapping is freaking hard. I hope I get the hang of it soon.

Until then, here's some of my favorite tracks from the season five soundtrack:

1. I Am The Doctor




Holy crap you guys. I love this song. It permeated my soul. I wish I was exaggerating. It's really pretty rare that I really key into a character's theme on the show before the soundtrack comes out, because they just go into the background for me. The epic tracks of previous seasons (Doomsday and This Is Gallifrey: Our Childhood, Our Home come to mind) stood out to me, but those are the badass finale themes. This one is there from episode one (okay Doomsday sort of appears in S01E01, but that's just because Murray Gold liked the bit of music he used when Rose entered the TARDIS so much he recycled it for Doomsday). I jammed to this basically the entire way to work and back today. Don't judge me, try it. It makes your driving feel so much more epic.

2. Can I Come With You?



This is another one that really stood out to me on first watching, because it is used so effectively in the first episode, which I will discuss in my recap.

3. The Patient Centurion

So I can't find a video for this one, but I really want to put it on here. Because Rory needs some love too. Plus it has a great, sort of mournful, extra brassy spin on I Am The Doctor and it's fantastic. So if you can find it, give it a listen.

4. Amy's Theme

Once again with the video problem. This one is great because it has the vocal aspect that is reminiscent of the Ninth/Tenth Doctor's Theme, which is great, because only Martha had warranted it before. It drives home that the Doctor and Amy can be very similar at times. Which I will touch on in my recaps. I wish I could put together a video that wouldn't be impossible to post, but lo, the internet hates me.

5. BONUS NOT ON THE SOUNDTRACK BUT AWESOME: The Big Bang 2

Okay so just a warning. This is a recap song of the finale. Spoilers ahoy! But totally catchy and filled my need to listen to the tune to I Am The Doctor before the soundtrack was released. And hilarious. And I'm getting pretty annoyed at not being able to find the songs I want anyway and listening to this will make me happy.




Oh my god he's wearing a fez! Oh my god he's wearing a fez! Oh my god he's wearing a fez!

Anyway, expect a recap from me... tomorrow. Wednesday at the latest. I hope.

Slam

"His invisible strokes are felt as he stands on the stage in front of me, a mic and a million miles away from me." -- Lauren Bell

Something that few people know about me is that I was, at one point, very involved in the Slam Poetry scene of Arizona. I've tried, from time to time, to get involved with the scene here in Omaha, but things never go exactly the way I intend them to go. I used to be able to cut open my veins and pour myself onto the audience coloring them with the history of my sins and the glory of my intentions. I judge the places I live on the quality of their verse and the passion of their poets. In Arizona people scream on stage and showcase an originality that is staggering, and a strength that has, on more than one occasion forced me to cry.

There is one poet though that I want to share with you. His name is Logan Phillips. Logan Phillips is credited with my passion and obsession with poetry. It is because of him that while living at Arcosanti, I ventured into poetry as an art form and performance method. His words and movement spark life into whatever he speaks in a way that few poets have managed to do in my life. He has been a major influence in my works through the years. Above, you'll find one of his videos. This would be him performing Worth Words, in Tucson, Arizona several years ago. While this isn't the first piece I saw him perform, It is one of the strongest. He delivers every line with conviction and dedication.

I own every single book he's ever put out. I have gone to GREAT lengths to secure them in at least two cases, where I have had to have people in Arizona hunt down his next live performance and buy it for me and mail it halfway across the country. If I ever need to be motivated to do something with my life, I turn to his words and they give me a sense of purpose and remind me of my times in Arizona when my sole purpose was creating art and sharing it with the world.

If you ever get the chance to go to a Poetry Slam in your local area, please do so. They're a wonderful opportunity to seek out some of the best talent in your city, and they have a tendency to delve into adventures, the likes of which make fantastic blogfodder. By the by, I should clarify that by no means do I intend to neglect the poets of Omaha. We have some sensational talent here. The number one poet I've seen perform in the local area would have to be Ben Wenzl, who shocks me and makes my gut hurt with every punch from his lips. He makes me laugh like Eddie Izzard only wishes he could, which is a lot coming from me. To have a positive comparison with Eddie Izzard come from my lips is like being compared to God and finding out you're a little bit better.

I wish I had more time, motivation, or inspiration to produce poetry. As it stands, the scene here in Omaha is staggering and I am out of practice. I would like to get back into the scene though, and I'd love it if more of my friends had the chance to catch the local area slams. The largest, strongest slam is every second-saturday at the Omaha Healing Arts Center in the Omaha Old Market. Should you ever have the desire to go, or to perform, you need only let me know, and I will fall in line and happily do what I can to join you.

Dear blogbuddies, what inspires you when you're feeling sluggish? Where do you look for motivation and guidance? I genuinely want to know. I like finding new methods for lighting a fire under myself. Likewise, I have links to other Logan Phillips videos, and several MP3s, so if you'd like any, I'd hate to take money from Logan, but I'm more than happy to share one or two with you. Let me know, and I'll send it onward.

For more on Logan Phillips, check out his website. [dirtyverbs]

The Chronicles of Narnia : Prince Caspian

"Is that supposed to be irony?" -- Reepicheep

I use Facebook. Really, who doesn't these days? My mother has a Facebook account, and she is probably the most disconnected person I know, other than my father, who is in sucha  drug-induced haze that I'm not even sure he knows my name when I go to see him most of the time. I love Facebook. I love the freedom it grants me to exchange ideas, and to meet new people, and to keep tabs on the lives of friends, and family all over the world. I love multiple aspects of Facebook. Sure, I may not be addicted to Farmville, like some people I know. I may not upload 80 photos every afternoon, and I may not respond to every tag I get in a given note, but I still appreciate and admire Facebook for what it is, a social networking site, the likes of which have far surpassed previous incarnations of such, including LinkedIn, Friendster, Myspace and Livejournal. Shut your face right now dammit, You had a livejournal, don't even try to act like you didn't. The only online journal that has zero stigma is KillingMachines, and you weren't cool enough to have one, so just shut your face and deal with the fact that I just dissed LJ. By the by, I had an LJ too, it hasn't been updated in about two years, and even then it was rarely paid attention to.

There is a disturbing trend on Facebook though that I am starting to find even more obnoxious than requests from my friends to water their plants in Farmville. Changing one's profile picture for a cause. Have you not seen this one? I first saw it about eight months ago, it seemed like a passing fad, and of my ~300 friends, only a handful even took part or participated in said activity. It seemed to be an extension of the '99% of people won't repost this because they don't love Jesus' statuses, which I also loathe. Last week though, on December 1, 2010, this status started popping up.

"This week, change your default Facebook picture to a cartoon from your childhood. The goal? To not see a human face on Facebook until Monday, the 6th of December. Join the fight against child abuse, and invite your friends to do the same."

Don't get me wrong. Child abuse is wrong. Being a recovered victim of abuse myself, I promote healthy relationships regardless of age. I fully support the spirit of this status, what I don't support is how pointless it is. I seems to me like this is a pathetic attempt to make yourself feel better by performing a mundane action that serves to do little more than to clutter up my news feed. Frankly, were I the heartless beast I pretend to be, seeing these statuses clutter my feed would probably prompt me to beat a child just for the sake of solidarity.

How many child abusers did this stop? I'm being serious. How many men and women who beat their kids looked at Facebook in the past five days and said to themselves, "Well, geez, all these cartoons sure are making me not want to get drunk and hit my kids! Thanks Facebook!"

It reminds me of people who dress up for church every Sunday, and perform their religious duties for the sake or forgiveness, only to go home and start the sin-cycle all over again. Sunday Christians are not Christians at all. Likewise, people who take part in these meaningless activities seem laughable to me because they honestly think they're doing something to stop child abuse. I understand the argument that they are raising awareness, but come on people, who in the world isn't aware that children get beat on? Really? You show me a person who doesn't know that children are abused and I will show you a person who just came out of the womb.

I already posted this on my Facebook, but maybe the next time you want to raise awareness, or you want to do something to help combat child abuse, you could do a quick search on google. You could donate to [Child Advocates], [Love Our Children USA] or [Prevent Child Abuse]. There are a number of government websites out there that can connect you with local, national and worldwide organizations that are dedicated to any cause you can imagine. Why don't you stop changing your Facebook picture, get offline and go volunteer at the local women's shelter? Perhaps go to Big Brothers Big Sisters of America and apply to be a mentor. There are a thousand things that you can do, including donating your time, and your money to stop child abuse and help those recovering.

Like I said, as a victim of child abuse, I support the theory, not the practice of what you're doing. I myself volunteer when I have the time, and try to make donations yearly to help those in need who happen to be in situations far less comfortable than my own. Hell, I've even been known to open my home, cupboards and arms to people I know need a safe place to be. As a side note, if you know somebody who is living in an abusive household, old, young or in-between, the best thing you can do is report the abuse, and let them know they have a pair of warm arms waiting for them when they're ready to leave.

That is all.

Carol of the Meows

Not too long ago, Katrina and I shared our favorite pics for Holiday music. We did do in separate posts found [here:josh] and [here:kaka]. Both were filled with great music that showcases not only our personal appreciation of music, but also our individual style when it comes to celebrating the holidays. If you haven't read either, or both of them, you should go do that. I enjoyed both posts, and love the clear concise illustration of the type of people we each are.

Not too long ago, namely yesterday, Kaka made a post about her senses with regards to the four seasons, and intended to post a video she had of the Carol of the Meows. Unfortunately, she had to make said video in Windows Movie Maker, which, as we all know, is a recipe for disaster. So, being the fantastic roommate I am, I decided to go ahead and build a quick video out of my lolcats christmas collection in iMovie. Why? Mostly because I know Katrina was having a rough time the other day trying to make it work, and I wanted to be a nice guy. So, enjoy said video.