The Bourne Identity

"How could I forget about you? You're the only person I know." -- Jason Bourne

I had a great night last night. I want to get that out of the way. I got to spend several hours, albeit while work-ill, with people who made my life a lot better just by being in it for a brief period of time. I don't think I've had so much fun sans alcohol in many many years. So, to Corey, Kayce, Carly, Kaka, Grant, Gina, Karrie, Chris and Leanna, thank you very much for making me genuinely happy for a brief period of time. That said, this is actually the continuation and conclusion of my three-part series on my Needs, Wants and Do Not Wants with regards to a relationship. Part one can be found [here] and part two can be found [here]. If you're too lazy to go check them out, Identified Needs are: Long-term Love, Above-average Aptitude and Physical Proximity. Identified Wants are: Geek Goggles, Self-Actualized Sentience, and  Appropriate Age. This post is intended to examine the things I don't want in a relationship.

I'm not a very picky person. Let me make that perfectly clear. In fact, I have a tendency to settle for anything that brings me even the slightest bit of happiness for the sake of immediate gratification. That said, doing these posts have made me a little more interested in the things that bring me joy and, more importantly, the things which do not bring me joy. The first of these three was easy though.

Identified Do-Not-Want : Illiterate Idiots. I spoke about the use of txtspk not too long ago. As such, I have determined that under no circumstances do I want to date anybody who cannot use full sentences at will. It's less a matter of intelligence, and more a matter of aptitude and attention to detail. There is something undeniably sexy about somebody who knows the difference between the words further and farther. It is irresistible when I see a semicolon properly utilized in a text message. Seriously, turns me on so hardcore.

Le sigh, I feel like that gave the wrong impression. it got me thinking about sex as well. I'm not a huge fan of it. I know, I know, least gay mentality ever. Sex is overrated, and has a tendency to ruin a relationship. I am far more inclined toward cuteness. I'm a total cuddle-whore. I spend more time holding my boyfriend's hand than I'll ever spend having sex with him, and I have a tendency to pursue activities which are less sexual and more romantic.As such ...

Identified Do-Not-Want : Needy Nymphomaniacs. I'm not saying I want the relationship to be sexless, or lacking in passion. I've just been in one too many relationships that were based entirely upon sex being our only means of communicating our affections. I blame Disney for my fascination with romantic, sexless love. It's a beautiful thing to hold a guy's hand and communicate through squeezes and quiet kisses instead of counting down the hours until the next time we fuck. I'm pretty sure I just committed a gay sin, but the whole intention is honesty.

Which brings me to my final thought. Honesty. Honesty with oneself, one's family, one's friends, and so on and so forth. My whole family knows I'm gay. They celebrate it, and treat my boyfriends as if they were a part of the family too. Too many times I have dated guys who have been passionate, loving, caring creatures in the privacy of my room, but turn into distant, disconnected ghosts once we venture out of my house. I don't want to date two different people. I want to date one person who is completely comfortable with who they are and who they love.

Identified Do-Not-Want : Closet Cases. Yep. You read it right. If you're going to date me, you need to be out. I'm not saying you have to wear a rainbow flag t-shirt everywhere you go, but you do need to be happy with your homosexuality, or bisexuality, as the case may be, and willing to be welcomed into my family completely. Like I said in a previous post, my mother, and grandmother will demand that you refer to them the same way that I do. I don't want to have to explain to my family why the person I'm in a relationship with isn't there with me at family dinners

So there we have it. Three needs. Three Wants. Three Do-Not-Wants. This is the delineation of my ideal relationship.