Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist

 Drunk Guy in Yugo: "I love you so much, it's retarded."

I suppose another title for this post could be "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People' or maybe "How to Ruin a Straight Boy's Life in Ten Easy Steps" but really, this is just a brief recounting of how I asked Jakob to be my boyfriend. Straight boys, start taking notes right now, because apparently, I have put numerous boyfriends into the dog house with the following tokens of my affections.

It all started with twenty-four roses. Twelve Henri Matisse roses, and twelve Dr. Briere roses were delivered, by me, super-secret-surprise style to Jakob, seen above right afterward, at his dorm room at Peru State College. I was lucky enough to have made it all the way down without him knowing I was even going to be in the area. Which is a stretch, since it was Halloween and I had a party not far away already that I had to keep super secret from him. He was of course ecstatic and commenced wandering through his dorm hall showing them to anybody that would look. This seemingly dumped his straight male friends into a dog-condo, not quite the dog house just yet.

Unbeknownst to him, this trip to his campus was a scouting trip for me. I was searching for the perfect place to ask him out. We went for a walk which consisted primarily of him proving to some of his friends that I existed, up until now, I was a disembodied name on facebook that he had absconded to Omaha for previously. We found a non-operating fountain near the theatre on campus that I knew was perfectly almost instantly. I stored this for later use.

Having met the people most important to him, I made sure to send them friend requests on facebook. I did this because I wanted a secret way of communicating with them without the chance that Jakob would know about it. i concocted a plan to woo him and win him instantly. I had to convince him that the coming Thursday, a very busy day for him that I knew would consist of him not leaving campus for anything, was going to be just as busy for me and that I wouldn't even be able to call or text him throughout the day.

That afternoon, I forced my roomie, Kaka, that's Katrina to you, to help me blow up nearly 300 balloons and prepare them for my grandiose plan. I also went ahead and got some wooden roses, since the living ones were starting to wilt already, and made a series of cue cards for the event. While in no way over the top, it was definitely a sight to see when I arrived at the fountain a little past 5pm, to find 10 of his closest friends waiting for me.

I gave the bags of balloons (and I mean trashbags filled with inflated balloons) to his friends and I tied more balloons with incredibly sparkly ribbon tot he fountain itself. With the wind it gave a very nice illusion of water and frankly, I was satisfied. Jakob was dragged over to the staging area, while I hid behind everybody in the basin of the fountain. The balloons were released and the scattered all over the lawn as I sang 'I Wanna Hold Your Hand' by the Beatles, and one of his friends cycled through the cue cards.

Dear Jakob,

I know it's only been a couple of months

and we've only been on one real date

and we live an hour apart

and I'm a lot older than you

and we're both incredibly busy

but ...

I also know that I like you a lot

and want you to be my boyfriend.

Love, Josh

Needless to say, he accepted my proposal, and we're now dating.

What can you take from this?
a: buy flowers.
b: show up by surprise.
c: balloons = awesome.
d: love kicks ass pretty much.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show

"It's astounding, time is fleeting, madness takes its toll."

It's Friday, the 29th of October. Kaka and Josh have decided that the only logical place to be, and thing to do on the Friday preluding the best holiday of the year, is the midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show at Omaha's historic Dundee Theatre. It isn't often that we have the opportunity to go to the midnight shows at Dundee. I usually head into work at god-hates-me-o'clock in the morning so it's not easy to get out late at night and catch a movie; especially one that requires plenty of lead-in and recovery. This is halloween weekend though, my favorite night of the year, so I feel like I *need* this despite having to go into work at 4 the next morning.

Kaka, that's Katrina to you, shows up at the apartment a little before 6:00 pm and we decide to get dressed. Half because I want to have plenty of time to do my make-up, half because I want to go shopping and get food before we go, half because I want to get some drinks before hand, and half because I just want to be ridiculous. We do our hair and make-up. I go light and understated because I'm very classic and demure and don't want to make a big deal. That is where the sarcasm ends, hell, I'm a boy in a damn dress. Not just a dress, an effing ball-gown I look like Frank & Magenta had a love child and then had sex with her. In short, I'm effing fabulous.

Miss Katrina dons a dress she borrowed from me, and her 'Gaga' blazer. The slit on the side of the dress is like DAMN, and the blazer was part of a fantastic Masquerade costume from back in May. We topped off her look with a pair of RealD glasses with the lenses popped out, very brad-chic. So we're dressed, we're looking good, feeling good, being all kinds of smexy, and we decide to head out.

We need to make a few stops up in this bitch 'fo we get on our way.
1: Walmart - I need new eyelashes and fake nails.
2: Home - To get Katrina's phone because it needs charged.
3: Goodwill - To show off and pick up long-gloves.
4: My Mom's - For costuming assistance.
5: The Old Dundee Bar - For drinks.
6: The 1020 - For more drinks.
7: McDonald's - For Bad-For-Us Foodstuffs
8: The Old Dundee Bar - For More Drinks again.
9: The Theatre - For the movie, duh.

We go to Walmart and make the heterosexuals uncomfortable. Keep in mind, we live in Nebraska, accepting that it is Halloween Weekend, we are still less-than acceptably dressed. I make my purchases, and Kaka gets what she needs,the whole time amusedly discussing the lack of comfort we're spreading through the store. It always brings me great joy to make people feel creeped out, it's like a game for me.

We run home, get Kaka's phone and grab my pink flask from the freezer. It's filled with some pretty intense vodka, and we collect ourselves for the lengthy journey into Omaha to Kaka's workplace, which isn't far from my mother's house.

Fast-forward. We meet the gayest man ever, which is a lot coming from me. We go to see my mother and her DOTM, then onward to say hello to my grandmother, and then to Midtown/Dundee. The BIGGEST LONG ISLAND EVAR was accompanied by a glimpse of a stalky hipster boy, but I don't want to get into him just yet. I'm going to let Kaka pick which of the characters we each get to talk about over the next few blog posts. I feel like this night was just too damn much to squeeze into one posting.

So the charactes and stories from th evening are as follows:
1: Imaginary Hipster Boy
2: Creepy Chimo-Farmer Dad
3: Big Mac (with cheese)
4: Red Shirts (they always die first)
5: The Show (of the rocky picture and horror varieties)
6: Sexy Copper with a Tape Recorder