Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist

 Drunk Guy in Yugo: "I love you so much, it's retarded."

I suppose another title for this post could be "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People' or maybe "How to Ruin a Straight Boy's Life in Ten Easy Steps" but really, this is just a brief recounting of how I asked Jakob to be my boyfriend. Straight boys, start taking notes right now, because apparently, I have put numerous boyfriends into the dog house with the following tokens of my affections.

It all started with twenty-four roses. Twelve Henri Matisse roses, and twelve Dr. Briere roses were delivered, by me, super-secret-surprise style to Jakob, seen above right afterward, at his dorm room at Peru State College. I was lucky enough to have made it all the way down without him knowing I was even going to be in the area. Which is a stretch, since it was Halloween and I had a party not far away already that I had to keep super secret from him. He was of course ecstatic and commenced wandering through his dorm hall showing them to anybody that would look. This seemingly dumped his straight male friends into a dog-condo, not quite the dog house just yet.

Unbeknownst to him, this trip to his campus was a scouting trip for me. I was searching for the perfect place to ask him out. We went for a walk which consisted primarily of him proving to some of his friends that I existed, up until now, I was a disembodied name on facebook that he had absconded to Omaha for previously. We found a non-operating fountain near the theatre on campus that I knew was perfectly almost instantly. I stored this for later use.

Having met the people most important to him, I made sure to send them friend requests on facebook. I did this because I wanted a secret way of communicating with them without the chance that Jakob would know about it. i concocted a plan to woo him and win him instantly. I had to convince him that the coming Thursday, a very busy day for him that I knew would consist of him not leaving campus for anything, was going to be just as busy for me and that I wouldn't even be able to call or text him throughout the day.

That afternoon, I forced my roomie, Kaka, that's Katrina to you, to help me blow up nearly 300 balloons and prepare them for my grandiose plan. I also went ahead and got some wooden roses, since the living ones were starting to wilt already, and made a series of cue cards for the event. While in no way over the top, it was definitely a sight to see when I arrived at the fountain a little past 5pm, to find 10 of his closest friends waiting for me.

I gave the bags of balloons (and I mean trashbags filled with inflated balloons) to his friends and I tied more balloons with incredibly sparkly ribbon tot he fountain itself. With the wind it gave a very nice illusion of water and frankly, I was satisfied. Jakob was dragged over to the staging area, while I hid behind everybody in the basin of the fountain. The balloons were released and the scattered all over the lawn as I sang 'I Wanna Hold Your Hand' by the Beatles, and one of his friends cycled through the cue cards.

Dear Jakob,

I know it's only been a couple of months

and we've only been on one real date

and we live an hour apart

and I'm a lot older than you

and we're both incredibly busy

but ...

I also know that I like you a lot

and want you to be my boyfriend.

Love, Josh

Needless to say, he accepted my proposal, and we're now dating.

What can you take from this?
a: buy flowers.
b: show up by surprise.
c: balloons = awesome.
d: love kicks ass pretty much.

Probably should've written this when things were still fresh

So the ball the ball is apparently in my court as far as describing our RHPS evening goes, apparently. Let's get through this, shall we?

Imaginary Hipster Boy:

This is one of those weird situations when it seems like one of the involved parties is stalking the other, but really it's just coincidence--right?

We first encountered this sad figure at the Old Dundee, planted alone at the bar. Being people watchers, we made note of him. Maybe made some fun, because hey, it's what we do.

Things got a little weird when we moved on to the 1020. The inside of the bar was intensely crowded, so we vacated to the patio area. Who should we find but this hipster boy, sitting at a table, once again on his own. I feel like he must have some sort of powers involving space-time, because we didn't exactly dawdle when switching bars, nor did I see him leave the Old Dundee, but there he was. I was probably just drunk, but hey, stories are better that way.

We actually struck up a conversation. When I say we I think I mean Josh. Anyway, the stalking came up, as it always will in these coincidental stalking situations, but the more interesting point made was the possibility that this strange lonely hipster was some sort of figment of our imaginations. We hadn't seen anyone else talking to him and he could apparently apparate, so it seemed like a fair conclusion to draw. I don't think the conversation went much farther then that and I seem to remember believing we had scared him off.

All of the theories we had formulated about him had to be thrown out the window later that night. While walking back to our car after the show, we waltzed right past him, talking to someone (!) on the sidewalk. He hollered at us about the stalking, and I was shocked to see him sans hat. The lesson learned is that a stylish hat can really make the difference between hipster and greasy Magic: The Gathering enthusiast. The more you know.

Creepy Chi-Mo Farmer Dad:

It was bluegrass night at the 1020. Some people chose to come in costume. One man chose to dress up as my dad. Well, that probably wasn't his intention, but he basically nailed it (my dad was a larger straw hat, whereas this almost doppleganger had opted for a cowboy hat). He wandered out to the aforementioned patio area and I could not not talk to this guy. I have a really bad tendency to start up conversations I have absolutely no intention of finishing, but this guy would not just let it awkwardly taper off as so many others kindly do. I don't think he was really a child molester, but I described him as creepy and Josh applied his new favorite term to him.

Sexy Cop:

Another patio person. I think we somehow became the "cool" table on the patio, because this girl was all over sitting with us. And she straight jacked my lighter! And then gave it back, but I was concerned for roughly a minute there. We're pretty sure she had a tape recorder. I would say she gets hero status for cornering an employee and getting them to point us in the direction of the restroom though, so kudos to you mysterious sexy cop!

Big Mac:

Probably my favorite character of the evening, and the one we know the least about. We went to McDonald's for some drunchkies (and lo, it was good!) and Josh decides to get them to break his 100, which was a great decision. The girl working the window let out a holler of "BIG MAC!" leading me to wonder if that was a person or an order. Luckily, Big Mac showed up. Seriously. It's just a guy, working at a McDonald's, known to all as Big Mac. I wish I knew more, but it was pretty amazing.

Red Shirt:

After our food we went back to the Old Dundee to drink more and wait until we can buy our tickets/start waiting in line. When we sit down, I notice there are three guys dressed in Star Trek uniforms. Okay I don't know anything about Star Trek, but I do know red shirts exist to get killed, so I have to know how one of these fellas ended up as the Red Shirt. I wander over and ask, but it turns out he wanted to be. Why would you choose this? I guess it's a joke, but really it strikes me more as a punishment. I think I compared it to the lady in the Olive Garden commercial (which I cannot find on the internet right now) who has to pass out breadsticks while her friends do nothing. What did she do to deserve that fate? Basically Red Shirt did not provide me the Olive Garden commercial related closure that I needed, and so for that he deserves his inevitable fate.

The show:

It was a RHPS midnight show. Screaming, props, etc. Good times, but nothing too notable.

And I think that's everything we were supposed to cover? Sorry if that was mainly nonsensical, but at least it's out of the way now? I should stop ending sentences with question marks.