Forgetting Sarah Marshall

"When life gives you lemons, just say, 'fuck the lemons,' and bail." -- Surfing Instructor 

Is it 2012 yet? People keep asking me what my resolutions for the year are. It's all I hear on the radio, every morning, all morning! Katrina is quitting soda and cigarettes. People are resolving not to work so often, or to take more time to spend with the family, lose weight, work out more ... It kind of makes me feel like a lazy sack for not having resolutions of my own. I have my resolution to blog on a more regular basis, and that's about it. I didn't used to be such a lazy git tho. I used to write out twenty resolutions every year. I even kept most of them. Well, most of most of them, mostly. Somtimes. So, in an effort to not be a lazy sack, I figure I'll come up with ten decent resolutions and act like I'm going to carry through with them. I say act like because we all know that I'm going to either forget, or give up pretty quick. That said, let's get this over with, shall we?

Traffic

"Is this like freebasing?" -- Caroline Wakefield

So, a new year has dawned! Our happy fun blog has been active for  2 months, 7 days, 22 hours, 31 minutes, and 42 seconds as of this moment. It will undoubtedly be longer once I've posted this, but you get the general idea. Kaka and I have been blogging regularly for about two months now, and the whole time has been pretty outrageous. One of the things that spark conversation in our apartment is pageviews. Kaka and I have this ongoing obsessive compulsive need to check the stats for our blog, and frankly, I can't help but be amused at the number of views we get on a regular basis, even over the past three or four days when neither of us has bothered to update the blog because we've been either dying or well ... dying. So, I figured this blog would be a nice opportunity to share some of our blog stats with you and give my thoughts on them and, by extension, our audience.

Four Christmases

"Boys, I don't want to speak ill of your mother on Christmas, but, she's nothing but a common street whore." -- Howard

So, I don't celebrate Christmas really. Mostly because I'm not Christian. I know, I know, technically/intellectually speaking, Christmas has nothing to do with Jesus, but that's not really the point. The Christians believe it's their holiday and as such, it has almost no meaning to me. Let's not even get started on the pagans and their suggestion of holiday-theft with all that Yule bullshit. How can you ever hijack a holiday? Seriously. If you figure it out, I'm going to hijack Easter next year and claim it as my own, we'll see how it works out. Wow, that was a whole lot of off-topic chatter. If this were a podcast, you'd be grumpy by now, wondering when the actual on-topic declarations would begin. Anyway, despite not finding purpose in Christmas and its imaginary meaning to my friends and family, I routinely find myself invited to attend parties and celebrations which I would rather not deal with. I'm stuck in this weird place right now, where familial traditions are being forced upon me, and all I want to do is create my own traditions. I suppose it doesn't help when you consider that this is my first Christmas alone since I came out, in high school. I didn't think it would hurt so much. That's not what this is about though. This particular post is actually about the celebrations I had.

The Bourne Identity

"How could I forget about you? You're the only person I know." -- Jason Bourne

I had a great night last night. I want to get that out of the way. I got to spend several hours, albeit while work-ill, with people who made my life a lot better just by being in it for a brief period of time. I don't think I've had so much fun sans alcohol in many many years. So, to Corey, Kayce, Carly, Kaka, Grant, Gina, Karrie, Chris and Leanna, thank you very much for making me genuinely happy for a brief period of time. That said, this is actually the continuation and conclusion of my three-part series on my Needs, Wants and Do Not Wants with regards to a relationship. Part one can be found [here] and part two can be found [here]. If you're too lazy to go check them out, Identified Needs are: Long-term Love, Above-average Aptitude and Physical Proximity. Identified Wants are: Geek Goggles, Self-Actualized Sentience, and  Appropriate Age. This post is intended to examine the things I don't want in a relationship.

The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

"The very worst poetry in the universe was written by one Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Sussex. Thankfully it was destroyed when the earth was." -- The Book.

Continuing my three-part series on my Needs, Wants and Do-Not-Wants with regard to relationshippy goodness, I spent most of my morning at work in deep discussion with myself. If you read my post, entitled Latter Days, yesterday, or today, you'll likely remember that I identified three needs in a potential relationship. I should clarify, since it was brought up to me, that I acknowledge that I am the common denominator in all of my relationships. I should also note that anybody who says this is a sodding idiot who obviously doesn't understand the human heart, or the ways in which people interact. While I am the common denominator in all of my relationships, there are other aspects to a relationship which add, or detract from the dynamic. So if you're one of those douche bags, go away, before I kick you and throw sticks at your face. That said, let us continue, shall we?

Latter Days

"We're colors and whites, we don't mix." -- Elder Aaron Davis 

Jakob B, Aaron M, Nathan R, Chad G, Stephen H and Nathan B. These are the people I've dated in reverse order. I like to write blog posts about the boys I have kissed because they give the opportunity to look back and use hindsight, which we know to be 20/20, to comprehend the effect the kisses have had on my personal development. You'll notice though that I haven't mentioned anything that has happened since late 2006. I have trouble looking at my recent mistakes, and lately, it seems as though the last four years have been one monumental mistake. It's been the root of some mild depression and other problems. I've found myself staying up all night long mulling over the past four years of relationships, and trying to figure out why each of them failed. It's frustrating, because what I want most of all is to fall in love, and find somebody with whom I can build a life. . . Somebody who i can do laundry with. Strangely, Stephen and Aaron were the closest to this paradigm.