"The very worst poetry in the universe was written by one Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Sussex. Thankfully it was destroyed when the earth was." -- The Book.
Continuing my three-part series on my Needs, Wants and Do-Not-Wants with regard to relationshippy goodness, I spent most of my morning at work in deep discussion with myself. If you read my post, entitled Latter Days, yesterday, or today, you'll likely remember that I identified three needs in a potential relationship. I should clarify, since it was brought up to me, that I acknowledge that I am the common denominator in all of my relationships. I should also note that anybody who says this is a sodding idiot who obviously doesn't understand the human heart, or the ways in which people interact. While I am the common denominator in all of my relationships, there are other aspects to a relationship which add, or detract from the dynamic. So if you're one of those douche bags, go away, before I kick you and throw sticks at your face. That said, let us continue, shall we?
So, when we last spoke, I identified my three needs as: Long-term Potential, Physical Proximity and Above-average Intelligence. Essentially, I need somebody close-by, and intelligent who is interested in a long-term relationship rather than somebody far away, who is only interested in hooking up on occasion and happens to have the IQ of a redwood. You laugh, but I've met somebody who is described by the latter portion of that statement. His named is Dan R, and he's outrageously attractive, lives in another city and routinely calls me to 'hang out' whenever he gets into town. I have yet to take him up on his 'offers' specifically for the reasons previously listed.
I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what I wanted the title for this post to be. Working at a Netflix hub means that I see a few thousand DVD titles daily, and as they fly by, I think about potential blog posts that could circulate around such titles. An alternative title for this post was Grown Ups actually, because I figured out, while sorting this morning, that my most successful relationships, have been with men within a certain age range. Almost every man I've dated has been younger than me by at least four years. The five attempts I have made at dating a man my age, or older have resulted in disaster.
Identified Want : Appropriate Age. I would prefer to date a man older than my brother Orlando, but younger than myself. This gives me an idealized age range of 20-26. I am more than happy to extend that age up, but not down, as far as an upper limit is concerned, 31 is my max. Why? because that is the age at which it become awkward to introduce you to my mother and have you call her mom. You will meet my mother, and my grandmother, they will insist you call them such, and it will be awkward for me to have a 32 year old man call my mother mom. It takes it to a dark place where I don't wanna go.
Obviously, age isn't a hugely important deal. Love is love is love. What matters most is that I have some way of connecting with the people with whom I am involved. In the case of my past six 'relationships', and I say that with little quotes because I realized that I included at least three names of men who I was only in a 'formal' relationship with for less-than a month. I know, crazy right? But I digress, and I used but to start a sentence, which is improper. In the case of these six people, each of them attracted me based on an interest of theirs and a willingness to overlook what Kaka and I would call 'the reasons we can't have friends' Essentially, I'm a nerd, geek, weirdo, etc... take your pick. I geek out over things like fictional continuity, tv tropes (thanks to kaka), music, video games, the internet and just about anything else I can find to be fascinated with. (See also: Harry Potter, Twilight and Manga)
Identified Want : Geek Goggles. Thusly, I'd want a guy who had similar passions. I'm not saying he'd need to be identical to me in wants and desires, but an interest in video games, or trivia, or something awkward and socially unacceptable would be greatly appreciated. A guy who could spout off random lines from THGTTG and conversationally quote Dr. Who is always nice to find, and being able to share my shame with another human being legitimizes my awkwardness in social situations.
Looking back, Kaka and I have a tendency to attract ... broken boys. You know the type, the ones who should live on the Island of Misfit Toys. The boys that are maladjusted, awkward, ill-equipped, and generally incapable of human interaction. If she and I were shopping for a house, we'd only buy fixer-uppers. It's frustrating because once we fix up the boy, we've made him too good for ourselves, or so we feel and we then sabotage the relationship. I do it by becoming too clingy and paranoid. Startlingly, the one time I've been in a relationship where this wasn't the case, I genuinely enjoyed my time and the other person, which leads me to my final want.
Identified Want : Self-Actualized Sentience. I don't want to be a half of a whole. I want to be a whole that finds a whole so we can be two wholes together. Did that make sense? No more boys who need fixing. Whole, complete human beings only plz. kthx. It makes the whole experience infinitely more convenient and comfortable, plus it means that the two of us can help each other to grow instead of me putting forth all of the effort to fix his broken wing, only to come home and find he's learned how to fly without me.
So there we have it. Three wants in my list of demands. Either later this afternoon, or early tomorrow morning, I will regale you with my final portion, and I have decided that my gleewinds will resume tomorrow afternoon, starting at 3 pm. Until then, have a great day.
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