"Lookin' good Puckerman, someone's been eatin' their Wheaties."
-- Santana Lopez
What gleecap? The day before the new episode? Ok, ok, I fail, I get it. If you only knew what the last week has been like for me, you'd understand. I'll cover that at a later date though, most likely tomorrow after Netflix. So glee was actually acceptable this week. More than just acceptable, it excelled in ways that I thought it was incapable of after the episode two weeks ago.
We open with Sue's explanation of how she became principal. (Remember, you can't spell Principal without PAL!) She gave Figgins the Monkey Flu, which is delightful and makes me happier and happier every.time I hear it. Plus, the transmission and development via loud bisexual primates makes me giggle. Thankfully, Sue wants to DESTROY THE GLEE CLUB again, she claims she got bored being friends, which leads to Will getting monkey flu, and hallucinating the SHORTEST KID CAST EVER.
Seriously. Why hire all of these adorable kids only to use them for like ten seconds? Cut to Will and a bed full of tissues, it reminds me of high school. Cue the return of cunt, I mean Terri. Admitting her love for Will, she confesses attending therapy and taking meds. Thank goodness. Then we go to a very dark place that probably tells us too much about their former sex life, including that they at one point played 'sick baby' which can only be interpretted as a fucked up version of 'Doctor'
Back at school, Rachel has taken over Glee Club, again. Santana is a little too intense, Mercedes is all kinds of butt-hurt because she thinks that she and Kurt are dating, and he is spending his time with Blaine. They make plans to hang Friday night, but Mercedes gets distracted by Tater Tots. No wonder she's so big. Damn gurl, take a little off the top. Kurt decides that the sub the school got for Schuester should take over glee too, which leads us to GWYNETH MOTHERFUCKING PALTROW!
In voice over, she explains that being a substitute is rough. (I can relate) "They'll goof off, egg your car, cut class, break into your car, throw spitballs, put an alligator into your car." Aside from the fact that Gwyneth Paltrow is pretty much a Goddess in my book, ( See Also: Hook, Emma, Shakespeare in Love, The Talented Mr. Ripley and so many more) She was made for this role. She connects with the kids by being a cross between Will, Emma and April Rhodes. AND HER NAME IS Holly Holiday! It's heaven. Come on! Her first in-character lines are about Linday Lohan being crazy in Rehab! Nt to mention she sings a sexy version of Conjunction Junction. Who doesn't love schoolhosue rock?!
Speaking of which, Kurt wins best line of the episode with "You smell homeless, Bret, homeless." in the flashback to English class the week previous.
Quick transition to the Glee Classroom, where Puck is buttering the floor, which is quickly thwarted by Ms. Holiday who wins at life. Traditional name-switching and psychic accusations. She instigates a passion for 'fun and fabulous' which pisses off Rachel. Counter? What songs would you like to do? This is where I have issue with this episode. She says, "Oh, don't get asked that question much do you?" Which is outright outrageous. Will, Sue, and Emma have all asked the kids what songs they want to do. However; when the kids get their way, hillarity and chaos ensues. Need I bring you back to the Season 1 episode, Showmance, where they performed Push It by Salt n' Pepa?
Anyway, they talk about it, and settle on a toned-down version of Cee lo's Fuck You, Will's response? "There's gotta be a Journrey song we haven't done yet!" Holly Holiday rocks it after being called 40 years old by Santana. Celebration ensues, followed by a face-off between Principal Sue, and Coach Beiste, this ends in Tater Tots, dubbed Potater Tots being banned.
Quick Cut to Will and Mike performing a dream-sequence of Make 'Em Laugh. This is a great showcase of physical humor, something that has been missing from common entertainment especially in this Vaudevillian form. You know, few people know this, but this particular song ties back into the Rocky Horror episode, as Tim Curry sang this at the 1995 Academy Awards. The song is cut short by Rachel revealing Sue and Holly plotting Will's demise! MWHAHAHA!
So, as if losing her gay boyfriend wasn't enough, Mercedes discovers the banning of 'the tots', she is seventeen different kinds of butt-hurt. Insert some racism and a thinly veiled assault on obesity, and that brings us to Mercedes calling broccoli a toilet brush, and Sue explaining that Brittany thought it was a little tree where gummi bears once lived. This of course pisses off mercedes who takes a page out of Rachel's book and storms out huffily.
Speaking of Rachel, she's being a bitch, as usual, which Holly Holiday is all to happy to tell her 18:47 into the episode. The look on Rachel's face is fucking priceless! There is some blah blah that doesn't really matter, until a flashback, which shows Schu discovering a Journey song they haven't performed yet.
By the way, if you have to say that something is your catch-phrase, it isn't your catchphrase, that's like picking your own nickname. It's just lame.
Back to Terri being creepy, and more of that dark-place, which leads to an even darker place. Kurt gets Mercedes a date, and Mercedes goes all Diva about it, as Kurt is discreetly hit on by Karofsky, and Mercedes starts a war which leads into a creepy musical number by holly and Rachel of Nowadays/All That Jazz (I've said it before, I'll say it again, SONGS DON'T NEED TO BE MASHUPS! I SWEAR IT!)
These productions are wildly overproduced. Seriously! I thought they only had $60/month before budget cuts, and only $54/month after! Pyrotechnics, and costumes, and music rights must be NOTHING in this universe.
Cut to Will's not-so-triumphant return to the school, followed by Sue's dismissal of him, and announcement of Figgins' firing. There was a hair joke, but I didn't pay attention because nothing will be better than her previous line about seasoning Asian cookery.
Now we find Kurt, Blaine and Mercedes at Breadstix, where they're discussing Gay Marriage, a subject that Mercedes is not interested in. Apparently, they discussed DADT earlier. Changing the subject to Vogue, we see how Mercedes hears this conversation, and the best image ever of Kurt spitting out a little pink barbie-sized purse to which he responds by saying, "OMIGOSH, I open my mouth and a little purse falls out!"
We learn that Blaine likes college football, and Kurt becomes gayer and gayer with ever word out of his lips.
Showdown between Holiday and Schuester.I didn't pay much attention, because I was too distracted by the bad outfits, and that awkward lilt in Will's voice. I think it was supposed to be something about them disagreeing about teaching mentalities, which is a real-life situation that happens on a regular basis. Old-school teachers hate those teachers brought up on new practices. New teachers think that old teachers are disconnected and clueless. They're both right.
Quick scene with Sue admitting that she owns a 1979 Renault 5 (aka the LeCar or R5) and then Sue says waht I wanted to the whole time, "Berets are out."
Flashback to a math class ten years ago, and even more makeout for Will. Seriously, this teacher gets more play than I've ever seen anybody get ever. What is this, like ten women in the last year?! Fucking whore. Most women would be beaten with sticks, which leads to Terri, who was hit with an ugly stick. Then we have a showndown, and more dark place baby talk, and some emotional blahblah. There is a lot of plot happening right now. Is this what they decided to do instead of play music? i don't mind the plot, I love it, but damn! Way to hit us like a ton of fuck bricks! There is a happy medium Ryan Murphy!
I swear, you can have moderate plot, as well as moderate music. You don't have to have three all music episodes followed by three all plot episodes. They can balance, I promise.
Kurt and Mercedes have a heart to heart, where he says what I was thinking the whole episode. I got distracted by his suit-coat though, so I didn't pay too much attention. Mercedes walks away with a tupperware bucket full of tater tots, and Karofsky appears.
Is it bad that, a la Get Real, I'd like to see Karofsky and Kurt get together? If you haven't seen Get Real, go get it right now. Download it, buy it, rent it! Do whatever it takes. It is one of the few films I will ever openly praise.
Will gets his job back, and Sue plugs craigslist. How much do you want to bet that the number of anonymous gay hookups among teenagers skyrocketed after this episode?
Artie is an alcoholic, and the kids hate their music selections. After a quick insulting rendition of Mary Todd Lincoln, Schu and Holiday get ready to perform, wait for it ......... another fuck mash-up. Jesus Christ! I hate mash-ups now. I used to love them.
Once again, the production of this number is outrageous! How much water did they go through? Furthermore, how did they teach everybody to dance in slow motion?
When all is said and done, I was greatly satisfied with this episode. I still stand by my declarations that Ryan Murphy has made a mistake in waiting so long to bring back Vocal Adrenaline. He has made some poor decisions in regards to the balance of music to plot, and his overuse of mash-ups.
Predictions for the coming season? Well, we know to expect a hiatus after the Xmas episode. I know we're going to see Kurt leave MHS for Dalton, and possibly something a little bit racy for the episode following the Superbowl. I anticipate that the next episode, entitled 'Furt' will bring us the marriage of Finn and Kurt's parents. Likewise, with the appearance of Sue's mom, played by Carol Burnett, we'll probably get a little more insight into Sue and Jean's history. Unfortunately, humanizing Sue even more than she has been already. Damn you three-dimensional characters! The following week should be sectionals then Christmas, then hiatus till Valentine's Day which should be the Super Bowl Episode.
Expect the next gleecap sooner next week. I promise.
Seriously. Why hire all of these adorable kids only to use them for like ten seconds? Cut to Will and a bed full of tissues, it reminds me of high school. Cue the return of cunt, I mean Terri. Admitting her love for Will, she confesses attending therapy and taking meds. Thank goodness. Then we go to a very dark place that probably tells us too much about their former sex life, including that they at one point played 'sick baby' which can only be interpretted as a fucked up version of 'Doctor'
Back at school, Rachel has taken over Glee Club, again. Santana is a little too intense, Mercedes is all kinds of butt-hurt because she thinks that she and Kurt are dating, and he is spending his time with Blaine. They make plans to hang Friday night, but Mercedes gets distracted by Tater Tots. No wonder she's so big. Damn gurl, take a little off the top. Kurt decides that the sub the school got for Schuester should take over glee too, which leads us to GWYNETH MOTHERFUCKING PALTROW!
In voice over, she explains that being a substitute is rough. (I can relate) "They'll goof off, egg your car, cut class, break into your car, throw spitballs, put an alligator into your car." Aside from the fact that Gwyneth Paltrow is pretty much a Goddess in my book, ( See Also: Hook, Emma, Shakespeare in Love, The Talented Mr. Ripley and so many more) She was made for this role. She connects with the kids by being a cross between Will, Emma and April Rhodes. AND HER NAME IS Holly Holiday! It's heaven. Come on! Her first in-character lines are about Linday Lohan being crazy in Rehab! Nt to mention she sings a sexy version of Conjunction Junction. Who doesn't love schoolhosue rock?!
Speaking of which, Kurt wins best line of the episode with "You smell homeless, Bret, homeless." in the flashback to English class the week previous.
Quick transition to the Glee Classroom, where Puck is buttering the floor, which is quickly thwarted by Ms. Holiday who wins at life. Traditional name-switching and psychic accusations. She instigates a passion for 'fun and fabulous' which pisses off Rachel. Counter? What songs would you like to do? This is where I have issue with this episode. She says, "Oh, don't get asked that question much do you?" Which is outright outrageous. Will, Sue, and Emma have all asked the kids what songs they want to do. However; when the kids get their way, hillarity and chaos ensues. Need I bring you back to the Season 1 episode, Showmance, where they performed Push It by Salt n' Pepa?
Anyway, they talk about it, and settle on a toned-down version of Cee lo's Fuck You, Will's response? "There's gotta be a Journrey song we haven't done yet!" Holly Holiday rocks it after being called 40 years old by Santana. Celebration ensues, followed by a face-off between Principal Sue, and Coach Beiste, this ends in Tater Tots, dubbed Potater Tots being banned.
Quick Cut to Will and Mike performing a dream-sequence of Make 'Em Laugh. This is a great showcase of physical humor, something that has been missing from common entertainment especially in this Vaudevillian form. You know, few people know this, but this particular song ties back into the Rocky Horror episode, as Tim Curry sang this at the 1995 Academy Awards. The song is cut short by Rachel revealing Sue and Holly plotting Will's demise! MWHAHAHA!
So, as if losing her gay boyfriend wasn't enough, Mercedes discovers the banning of 'the tots', she is seventeen different kinds of butt-hurt. Insert some racism and a thinly veiled assault on obesity, and that brings us to Mercedes calling broccoli a toilet brush, and Sue explaining that Brittany thought it was a little tree where gummi bears once lived. This of course pisses off mercedes who takes a page out of Rachel's book and storms out huffily.
Speaking of Rachel, she's being a bitch, as usual, which Holly Holiday is all to happy to tell her 18:47 into the episode. The look on Rachel's face is fucking priceless! There is some blah blah that doesn't really matter, until a flashback, which shows Schu discovering a Journey song they haven't performed yet.
By the way, if you have to say that something is your catch-phrase, it isn't your catchphrase, that's like picking your own nickname. It's just lame.
Back to Terri being creepy, and more of that dark-place, which leads to an even darker place. Kurt gets Mercedes a date, and Mercedes goes all Diva about it, as Kurt is discreetly hit on by Karofsky, and Mercedes starts a war which leads into a creepy musical number by holly and Rachel of Nowadays/All That Jazz (I've said it before, I'll say it again, SONGS DON'T NEED TO BE MASHUPS! I SWEAR IT!)
These productions are wildly overproduced. Seriously! I thought they only had $60/month before budget cuts, and only $54/month after! Pyrotechnics, and costumes, and music rights must be NOTHING in this universe.
Cut to Will's not-so-triumphant return to the school, followed by Sue's dismissal of him, and announcement of Figgins' firing. There was a hair joke, but I didn't pay attention because nothing will be better than her previous line about seasoning Asian cookery.
Now we find Kurt, Blaine and Mercedes at Breadstix, where they're discussing Gay Marriage, a subject that Mercedes is not interested in. Apparently, they discussed DADT earlier. Changing the subject to Vogue, we see how Mercedes hears this conversation, and the best image ever of Kurt spitting out a little pink barbie-sized purse to which he responds by saying, "OMIGOSH, I open my mouth and a little purse falls out!"
We learn that Blaine likes college football, and Kurt becomes gayer and gayer with ever word out of his lips.
Showdown between Holiday and Schuester.I didn't pay much attention, because I was too distracted by the bad outfits, and that awkward lilt in Will's voice. I think it was supposed to be something about them disagreeing about teaching mentalities, which is a real-life situation that happens on a regular basis. Old-school teachers hate those teachers brought up on new practices. New teachers think that old teachers are disconnected and clueless. They're both right.
Quick scene with Sue admitting that she owns a 1979 Renault 5 (aka the LeCar or R5) and then Sue says waht I wanted to the whole time, "Berets are out."
Flashback to a math class ten years ago, and even more makeout for Will. Seriously, this teacher gets more play than I've ever seen anybody get ever. What is this, like ten women in the last year?! Fucking whore. Most women would be beaten with sticks, which leads to Terri, who was hit with an ugly stick. Then we have a showndown, and more dark place baby talk, and some emotional blahblah. There is a lot of plot happening right now. Is this what they decided to do instead of play music? i don't mind the plot, I love it, but damn! Way to hit us like a ton of fuck bricks! There is a happy medium Ryan Murphy!
I swear, you can have moderate plot, as well as moderate music. You don't have to have three all music episodes followed by three all plot episodes. They can balance, I promise.
Kurt and Mercedes have a heart to heart, where he says what I was thinking the whole episode. I got distracted by his suit-coat though, so I didn't pay too much attention. Mercedes walks away with a tupperware bucket full of tater tots, and Karofsky appears.
Is it bad that, a la Get Real, I'd like to see Karofsky and Kurt get together? If you haven't seen Get Real, go get it right now. Download it, buy it, rent it! Do whatever it takes. It is one of the few films I will ever openly praise.
Will gets his job back, and Sue plugs craigslist. How much do you want to bet that the number of anonymous gay hookups among teenagers skyrocketed after this episode?
Artie is an alcoholic, and the kids hate their music selections. After a quick insulting rendition of Mary Todd Lincoln, Schu and Holiday get ready to perform, wait for it ......... another fuck mash-up. Jesus Christ! I hate mash-ups now. I used to love them.
Once again, the production of this number is outrageous! How much water did they go through? Furthermore, how did they teach everybody to dance in slow motion?
When all is said and done, I was greatly satisfied with this episode. I still stand by my declarations that Ryan Murphy has made a mistake in waiting so long to bring back Vocal Adrenaline. He has made some poor decisions in regards to the balance of music to plot, and his overuse of mash-ups.
Predictions for the coming season? Well, we know to expect a hiatus after the Xmas episode. I know we're going to see Kurt leave MHS for Dalton, and possibly something a little bit racy for the episode following the Superbowl. I anticipate that the next episode, entitled 'Furt' will bring us the marriage of Finn and Kurt's parents. Likewise, with the appearance of Sue's mom, played by Carol Burnett, we'll probably get a little more insight into Sue and Jean's history. Unfortunately, humanizing Sue even more than she has been already. Damn you three-dimensional characters! The following week should be sectionals then Christmas, then hiatus till Valentine's Day which should be the Super Bowl Episode.
Expect the next gleecap sooner next week. I promise.
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