Gleecap : S02E06

So, as promised, my gleecap.

Warning: Here There Be Spoilers.

Realistically though, if you haven't seen it yet, then you are living in a cave in Afghanistan and need to quit your job with the army and move back to watch Glee. Seriously, you have failed at life and need to reconsider the choices you have made that have led you to this situation where something else is more important than Glee.

That said, I have to admit, I was genuinely amused, touched, surprised and entertained by this episode of Glee. In fact, this is the first episode of the current season that I have even really liked. Finally I feel like the promises made to us during the break are being fulfilled. It's like Glee ran for president and we're into its second term, finally things are making sense and the stupid indirect actions taken early on are paying off in a very big way.

That said, let's continue, shall we? First and foremost, we find Finn and Sam in the locker room. let me just say, there should be a law passed immediately that prohibits Chord Overstreet from putting on his shirt while he has fantastic abs. Period. Covering those up is criminal. I'm sure there was some sort of important dialogue going on, but i was too busy admiring Sam to be bothered with listening. lucky we see the return of 'The Mailman' so I know damn well that they were discussing how difficult it is to keep from finishing early as Jacob would say.

Then came a great line, "How did we manage to find the only two girls in high school who won't put out"

Are you kidding me? RealismFAIL. When I was in high school, you were lucky to find somebody who wasn't all talk. Finding a girl who put out meant you had to search either the Band Geeks or the girls in Show Choir. Don't deny it. Show Choir is a Slut Parade. If you don't believe me, check how many of the girls from my high school show choir are now pregnant, or mothers. They're a bunch of dirty dirty whores. Santana will express this far better later on in the episode when she says, "If everyone would just put out we'd have a winning football team."

Eventually, Sam/Finn decide that Sam's best bet for keeping his cool is to imagine our new favorite football coach in compromising situations. This is not important to me, because immediately afterward, we cut to Kurt and Tina in the hallway. Kurt is wearing a gold lamé bow-tie. As if this wasn't enough, he's got on a 3/4th length duster and a white-collared grey button-down. Come on Kurt, I get it already, you've gay. We understand. Do you have to wear the most outrageous things you can find?

While on the subject, I have a letter that should be delivered to Tina. It involves her shopping too much at Hot Topic. Come on, let's all just look the other direction while she goes and picks up something from Aeropostale. I think we can all get behind her looking good without the lady demon clothes. i get it, i get it, it's part of her character. There was even an entire episode about it, but one can only wear so many ruffled lace shirts before she looks gaytarded. By gaytarded, I mean outrageous.

Coming in on the classroom, we find that Puck, and more importantly, his mohawk, have returned to class. He gives a grand tale about his braverism while locked up, which prompts a highly unenthusiastic and, I imagine, very sarcastic, "Wow, what a catch. I can't believe I ever let you go," from Quinn. Obviously she needsto get fucked because she' being a bitch. She's always being a bitch lately. Something about all of those statues of the Virgin Mary must be driving her slowly insane.

We learn that the two new groups to compete against at Sectionals are 'The Dalton Academy Warblers' & 'The Hipsters' just like last time, they're both outrageous and unacceptable. There is something about the hilariously gay group and the painfully hip-displacing group that make me feel like this outcome is already decided.  Of course, we have the obligatory gay joke as Kut tries tojoint he girls' team. I don't blame him have you seen the other men in this club? They're like dead fish with vocal chords.

Continuing this trend, we see the future mo and Kurt in the hallway. After a brief exchange of very bad witty banter, we find Will doing Emma's job. Is it just me or did we forget that Emma is the school counselor? I mean seriously... why is she not seen doing her fucking job?!

More gay jokes galore, as we find Kurt in front of the other men. After a brief exchange that involves pointless gay bashing and heterosexism, Mr. Hummel takes his paper-doll version of himself and say, "Screw you guys I'm going home."Why does he even own a paper-doll version of himself?! you know, whatever.

Sam and Quinn make out. We see Coach Bieste wearing a black teddy cutting up ribs, then a cheerleader uniform. All in all, I saw this coming. My only thought though... what poor unsuspecting writer had to come up with these images of Bieste? I feel so bad for him. I mean, she's a nice woman, I'm sure, but damn. I am not trying to look at her bein' all sexifieid.

Nine minutes into the episode, we have our first song. Twenty seconds later, after we realise that this song is going to crash and burn because they have the WHITEST WHITE KID EVAR singing reggae, some random old bitch crosses the screen singing along. Who the fuck is this random old bitch? Why is she at this high school?


Cut to more gay fodder. Cuteness, slow motion running, all in all, needlessly adorable. I swear this was about the point that I threw up in my mouth a little bit. Now it is time for the second song of the episode. Seriously? nine minutes without a musical number and then we have another one at twelve minutes thirty seconds? Balance issues Fox? Enclosed you will find laughable pictures from this performance. I will say that this is the best song of the season, and the eye contact between Darren Criss and Chris Colfer smacks of chemistry. I'm definitely satisfied.


Cut to the asians. Are you kidding me? These two don't fuck?!  Insert image of Bieste in a tut with a cigar. Cut immediately to the hallway and a great line from Bieste, "You crap on my leg, I'll cut it off." Have I mentioned that I love, LOVE LOVE!!! her bad backwater sayings. They're just priceless, and not a one of them makes sense.

Then some boring stuff happens. I swear it doesn't matter. The boys who shouldn't ever wear shirtsget bitched at for wearing shirts, and then we go back to Kurt. I'm telling you, he's the only one who matters in this episode. Two 'straights' and a gay sit with Kurt and chat about pointless things. Blaine and Kurt have a heart to heart including the use fo the word 'pissed'. It seemed forced and kind of poorly delivered.

After what can only be described as the clear indication that Kurt will be leaving MHS to attend Dalton, we learn that in the Gleeverse, if you're mean to girls they'll go to dinner with you even when you wear a horrible horse sweater. Puck suggests a dine and dash, which is laughable to me, considering the inclusion of a wheelchair offers up some logistical problems.

at 25:30 we have a no-transition song. you know what, no, these mashups didn't even happen. As far as I'm concerned, they don't exist. They are a great background for the cute text messages from Blaine though. Granted after the second or third, I'd find them freaky and creeptastic.

Speaking of that text message, HOLY FUCK KURT! Why do you have 124 emails?! Shit son, clean out your inbox once in a while. And where are the rest of your apps? You factory fresh phone is looking all kinds of empty. Other background notes, Mr. Schu, no more white ties.

Sue has her confetti cannons, and we have another item to add to my bucket list, which is to fire off two confetti cannons and cackle maniacally.

Cut to Kurt. I swear there are a lot of cuts to kurt this episode. He's getting ANOTHER text from Blaine. Is wear it's been like ten minutes. Maybe twenty. Karofsky knocks his phone out of his hand. That shit is bound for ebay now, because Apple fails at creating anything that doesn't shatter when it hits the ground.

kurt confronts him int he locker room and calls him chubby, which kind of pisses me off. he's about my build, and I'm effing hot dammit. Anyway, they kiss. Who didn't see that coming? I did. The best part of this scene is Kurt's shocked look afterward.

the rest of the episode is kind of pointless. Puck has angst, and a lot of it. Blaine and Kurt get all Nancy Drew on Karofsky, which doesn't go well. Schu kisses Bieste, and fast-forward to 38:56

We find a shrine dedicated to Blaine in Kurt's locker. my only question is: Did Kurt make this? Or did Blaine sneak in and do this shit? I feel like he's this kind of creeper.

To wrap up, Wheelchairs ruin group hugs.