So... I watched Eclipse last night, thanks to Josh getting me a DVD rip of it a little bit early. I definitely got a kick out of it, but I think you need some background on me and Twilight.
I started out confused. I think the first time I heard of it was seeing a group on Facebook called something like "I can never find real love because I read Twilight" or some lame crap like that. I made a note in my brain that such a thing existed and moved on.
Then came the hate portion. I figured out what it was, got some minor details filled in, and swore to never read the books. Ever. Because they (really are) terrible.
Then I saw the first movie with a friend who loves the series and one who hates it. I had sort of moved into the "this could be funny" camp at this point, and figured it would it least be worth it for the reactions of the hate-y friend.
I like to know things, so I needed further information about the series following the (admittedly hilarious, awful, and mustache-tastic) movie. So I turned to Cleolinda over at LJ. Which just got me in deeper. Reading about the series from the perspective of someone who neither loves it blindly or hates it completely really turned me around on it. She compares it to a twinkie a lot, if I recall correctly, because it is light and fluffy, but oddly satisfying. I think it was Growing Up Cullen that finally pushed me over the edge though. I really recommend reading that whether or not you're into the series. It really changed the way I read the books.
Which, yes, I did do. My sister gave me the first one for my birthday and I ate it up. I got the other three and had them all read within a ... month? Maybe. I would get into the proper mindset, which is to say I would smoke copious amounts of weed, and settle in to read. I don't think any other books have ever made me laugh so hard.
That's not to say I don't get some straight, having lady parts enjoyment from the series. I can't get behind the message (you need a boyfriend to be a real person, stalkers are okay, etc.) but I don't want to talk about that. You can find that all over the internet. We all know the series is shit.
But anyway! Now that you've gotten my life story, on to the movie.
The first thing that made me grab a notebook and pen was that every time the Cullens are on screen together (save while at school. You know. That one time.) they talk about the Volturi, the newborn army, blah blah blah. But they don't sleep. You can't talk about the same thing all the time. Do they do anything else? This is why I consider Growing Up Cullen canon, because it delves into how they fill their free time.
The next thing I noticed was that the movies are completely different from the books, because they lack constant Bella derived narration. If it was possible to watch the movies without knowing what the point of the series is (Bella/Edward 4eva you guys), you could get the idea that it is a tale of a young girl who got mixed up in a serious, dangerously co-dependent relationship, but will make the right call in the end. This is really apparent when she goes to visit her mom. Watch that scene forgetting what you know, and it'll seem like Bella will dump Edward at the end of the movie, go to college in Florida and live a full happy life. This take away some of the hilarity, because while the books continue to remind you that Bella is a total moron who doesn't deserve to live, the movies almost make her seem like a real person. (Okay when I say movies I mean Eclipse. New Moon's Bella who is only capable of screaming and moping for MONTHS on end is nowhere near a real person.)
On to a legitimate improvement from the book: "I kissed Bella. And she broke her hand. Punching my face." is what Jacob tells Charlie after exactly what he said happened happened. In the book it's "[Bella] thinks she broke her hand" ... "How did she do that?" ... "She hit me." ... "Why did she hit you?" ... "Because I kissed her." ... "Good for you, kid." Which... I'm sorry? You're daughter just got roughly the equivalent of raped in this abstinence only universe, was so offended she punched him, and broke (okay sprained) her hand and you congratulate the guy who did it? Uncool Sheriff Mustache. Uncool. The movies version both skips out on the congratulatory Charlie bit and allows Taylor Lautner to really utilize his wooden delivery style for maximum laughs.
But the funniest moment in the movie has to got to go to Rosalie. She apparently burst in to murder her fiance who gang raped her and left her for dead in a wedding dress, saying "I was a little theatrical back then." This has to be intentionally hilarious though, right? Who knows. I wish I could get a screenshot, but I fail at making them and can't seem to find one on the internet, but it's solid gold, let me tell you.
I have a few more notes, but meh! I've talked enough about Twilight for a lifetime already. I guess I should mention that I don't get why Bella doesn't put on a coat while walking around outside on top of the mountain that she nearly froze to death on the night before, but who can expect logic?
Toodles.
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