Gleecap : S02E11

So I'm ... guest Gleecapping (GuGleecapping?) this episode, because for some reason I volunteered. I'm doing it sort of as a live blog in the sense that I'm about to watch the episode for the first time and will be doing my screencaps and recapping at the same time with no intention to watch the episode again tonight. So this should be interesting. Or a train wreck. Especially since my computer is doing the computer equivalent and shitting its pants and drooling at the moment. So yay!

Basic social interaction makes me want to die

Me and Glee; Me and small talk. Yeah, that's a twofer.

So the Gleecap of the Super Bowl episode is to come. Really. I'm working on it. It's already way to freaking long and I'm roughly a quarter way through the episode. I got a bit burned out on it, since I don't love Glee the same way I love Doctor Who and I got burned out on Doctor Who too so... yeah.

But I want to talk to you about banal conversations and how they are completely useless.

Warp Zones, Fast Travel, and Teleportation: Screw the Journey

Awesome!

I'm currently reading (very slowly) The Legend of Zelda And Philosophy and I'm having a very hard time getting through the first proper chapter because it is pissing me off. It is arguing that being able to skip the journey in video games is... degrading to the experience? It stops you from being able to appreciate the areas in between where you'd like to go and rips you out of the illusion of space that video games provide. I freaking love being able to fast travel (to borrow Oblivion's term) because I find going the long way in games to be extremely tedious. This also sort of applies to my life.

Voice Doppelgangers, Laundry, and Indignation

I have had a pretty terrible week. Work has been extremely stressful, my car is very angry with me, and I've been in a pretty foul mood. So I could just make a whiny blog post but...

It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song

Go me!

First of all let me say that I am completely stoked that one of my posts is now the most viewed on our blog. This almost destroys my idea that no one reads my posts. Second of all I probably won't be posting much. Not that that's a change or anything. I am suffering terrible writer's block. The worst I've ever had, or at least since I started writing things. I can't even work with a prompt. I even chose the most outrageous one I could find, since writing about crazy things tends to make it easier for me to get things out, but I can't! Of course saying "I can't" is terrible and inaccurate. I could pound out some miserably terrible piece of trash and call it good enough, but I can't stop hitting delete.

Paper Man

"Are we unhappy? Or are we just pretending to be unhappy?" -- Richard Dunn

 Pretentious Asshats, check. Ignorant Douche-Bags, check. Intelli-Cunts, check. Three down. Two more to go. If you bothered to read my blog post yesterday, you'll possibly, though not probably, remember that I said this post would be about Historically Inaccurate Exes. really, though I have decided to relabel it as Anachronistic Exes. I suppose an expansion of this could be made which includes current romantic partners as well. Realistically though, I haven't had much experience with current romantic interests. I just realized though that I didn't define these people just yet. Forgive me. I should do that. My brain hasn't been making the sense it should be as of late, so I should probably offer definition first, then go on a lengthy rant about them.

Alice in Wonderland

"Well, after this, I should think nothing of falling down stairs." -- Alice 

Did you ever wake up one morning and realize that everything was changing all at once and without adequate warning or provocation? This is happening to me right now. Suddenly, I am Alice, falling down the rabbit hole, destination unknown. I find myself in this midway point where nothing makes any sense. There is no gravity, so I can't find a place to cetner, ground or focus myself. The walls are blurred and vague so I can't even get a bearing to find out which direction I'm going, for all I know, I'm going to land any day now and find that I've turned up in some mysterious land where up is down and in is under. If I'm lucky, maybe I'll end up with a smart-assed cat as a tour-guide. He'll speak in riddles and the people I meet will be essential to my ongoing development, and eventual acceptance of my fate.

The Dark Knight

"Batman has no limits" -- Bruce Wayne 

It continues. I had a lot of trouble deciding what the third type of person I hated was. not because I couldn't think of a third, but because the remaining three are pretty evenly matched in my book. you've already met the two front-runners in previous posts. First we had the Pretentious Asshats, you'll remember that they are pretty inclusive, thus their primary placement on the list. Second, we had Ignorant Douche Bags. These would be people who embrace their ignorance of the world and relish in their lack of knowledge, thus warranting their placement as second on this list. Now, we have Intelli-Cunts. Intelli-Cunts are a lot more common than Ignorant Douche Bags, but easier to deal with.

Love, Actually

"You would've broken my heart if you'd said yes." -- Juliet 

This is, I think, the last in my series regarding The Things I Have Learned From The Boys I Have Kissed. I've been considering posting this for the past month or so as I have evaluated my short-lived relationship with Jacob Buss. I am going to lose friendships with five or six people because of this post, and that is the primary reason I have tried so hard to not post a continuation of this series. As always, there is a story here but it is relatively short, compared to the previous stories I have told regarding the boys I have kissed.

Salt

"Let me guess, you're one of those people who thinks everyone is who they say they are." - Evelyn Salt

Thus, it continues. Yesterday, I introduced you to my most-hated subset of humanity. I dubbed these people Pretentious Asshats. Today, I would like to direct your attention to the second worst type of human being on the face of the planet. I like to refer to them as Ignorant Douche Bags. While they may seem fairly self-explanatory on the basis of their name alone, realistically, there are subtle nuances in the descriptors and characteristics of Ignorant Douche Bags which makes them near impossible to identify.

"Why?" You ask, ever-eager to hear my long-awaited and hopefully illuminating diatribe.

That's easy. Ignorant Douche Bags are near impossible to identify, because they are wholly aware of their status. You see, Ignorant Douche Bags are the type of person who knows that they are ignorant, and have made a conscious decision to remain as such. No, you didn't read wrong. Let me think of a more complete way to explain this phenomenon.

I definitely forgot to give this a title! Oops!

I thought finding a picture of Meredith dancing with a tequila bottle would be easy. Who knew?

I have been feeling fairly off this week, so sorry for the lack of posts. I could go on about what's wrong, but tonight sort of pushed me over the edge and right on over to the overly energetic, sort of surprisingly cheerful side of things so I will not be talking about CRANKY and OVERLY CONTEMPLATIVE Katrina today. Instead I'd like to share with a few things that make me happy. I doubt if any of them will be terribly surprising, but it's my duty as a blogger to obnoxiously obvious and constantly acting like I know better than you! (Warning: I'm getting progressively drunker as this post goes on. Sincerely, future Katrina!)

How To Lose Friends and Alienate People

"You thought Brad Pitt was a cave in Yorkshire." -- Sidney Young 

This is part one of a five part series. It was originally inspired by [this post] by Katrina, who spoke on the types of people you meet at Goodwill. I was going to talk about the five types of people I seem to have in my life, when I then realized a far more controversial, by which I mean amusing and ultimately painful, post would be to discuss the five types of people I loathe with every cilia of my essence, which is a five dollar way of saying, every fiber of my being. I should preface this with the declaration that, while I may talk about hating people a lot, I am in fact very tolerant. Far more tolerant than most, and infinitely more tolerant than some. I have a very high line of bullshit that I can endure without resorting to anger, annoyance or frustration. I have an uncanny ability to smile at anybody. There are, however, five types of people I genuinely hate, and should you find yourself in one of these categories, you are very likely to never get off of my shit list. Ever. This first post, introduction aside, is intended to specifically illustrate the first, and most serious type of person I hate. Pretentious Asshats. See image for clarification.

Gleewind : S01E14

Just The Facts: After a several month hiatus the season picks back up on the 13th of April with an episode entitled Hell-O. It's a reintroduction to the core cast, while also giving us better intros to the secondary cast, and giving us a few new characters to be fascinated with. Fresh from their 1st place finish at Sectionals, New Directions is ready and rearing to go, and so am I. Nine episodes from the close of Season One, and Fourteen episodes left to Gleewind, A lot of shit happens and childrens have a lot of shit to do before they go to their regional competition, which will mark the end of the season.

Gleewind : S01E13

 Just The Facts: Sectionals has arrived at William McKinley High School. As you'll recall from last time, shit got real. It's only going to get worse as the glee club goes to Sectionals, Will's marriage explodes, and Emma's wedding to Ken looms in the very near future. The glee club needs a new director for Sectionals, and that is just the beginning of the problems that need wrapped up before the season break. So, prepare yourselves for the exciting conclusion to Part One of Glee. After this episode aired, we had to wait for freaking ever before we got a new episode. I nearly peed myself. No joke. When they finally announced that new episodes were starting up again, I was happier than a pig in a bucket of warm mud.

The Town

"This is not the fucking-around crew" -- Adam Frawley 

Sense memory is weird. I didn't believe it existed for a long time as anything other than a subset of affective/emotional memory for method acting. I had never experienced it before 2007. It just never really mattered to me, and when people would mention it in conversation, I assumed they were full of shit. For those unaware, sense-memory is the interaction of the five senses with memory. Or, in simpler terms when some external stimuli, sight, smell, touch, taste or sound, instigates a memory recollection. It is a widely discussed, documented and studied phenomenon that has granted extensive insight for scientists, psychologists and whatnot with regard to our minds, and memories, and how they work. So, why bring this up on this particular Wednesday? Well, I have been affected by sense-memory near constantly for the past few days pretty heavily, and it got me to thinking about how I used to not even believe in its existence.

Rush Hour

"Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?" -- Carter

I talk a lot. It's something I've always done. I say what is on my mind and don't stop until there is nothing left to say. Sometimes, this gets me into trouble, and other times it helps me to clear the air and has alarming, and sometimes, hilarious results. As somebody who talks a lot, there is one thing I hate more than TXTSPK.

"What's that?" you ask incredulously.

Well, reader, that thing I loathe more than TXTSPK is mispronunciation of common words in a non-intentional way. Earlier today, while talking to somebody, who shall remain nameless for the sake of her shame, she uttered the word, "paradigm". However, she pronounced it phonetically, as if she had never heard the word spoken out loud. You know what, no, I was wrong. It isn't the mispronunciation that taps into a primal wellspring of ire. Instead, it is the response I get when I politely, and privately correct the mispronunciation.

Titanic

"God! Look at that thing! You would've gone straight to the bottom." -- Jack 

 So, I didn't post all weekend. I guess my mom got married, but I didn't get invited. I can't complain about not being invited. I'm not a fan of the man she's with, mostly because they've broken up and started dating again several times, resulting in phone number changes. I had two dates and quite a bit of cuddle-time. That's not what this brief post is about this post is about the tendency of my friends and family, and apparently, our readers, who have a nagging need to use outdated technologies that are ruining the world and stifling the internet, forcing us into the dark ages.

Ok, ok, maybe that's a little bit harsh. I've just been having a lot of IERage lately. I've been filling out paperwork for Netflix over the past week. The website that I've had to use requires Internet Explorer for about three-quarters of the forms that need filled out. Worst of all, is the inability to just download the fucking PDF files that I'm filling out online, and fill them in with AA9 Pro. It got me to thinking, and lured me into looking up some numbers and reliving one of my earlier posts where I shamed all of you people for using Internet Explorer.

Friday5. Not sure I'll do this again.

So Josh wants me to do a Friday5 post eh? I suppose I could give it a shot. Here's the link since they ask you to post it. And here we go.

1. What was the most recent thing to go past its expiration date in your pantry? Well let me go exploring. Be right back... not that blog posts are real time or anything. So I'm back from the kitchen. It seems our most recently expired item (as far as I can tell because a lot of the expiration dates have rubbed off) is some blue cheese dressing that went bad in October. I thought that was bad until I saw that the jar of chili peppers expired in 2009. Gross.

2. When does your excitement about the New Year usually expire? January 1st or 2nd. The New Year isn't really exciting. It sort of is when you're thinking "This year is going to be different! Really!" but that wears off pretty quickly. So the excitement wears off well before I remember to write the year correctly when writing the date.

3. What valued possession seems to be on the verge of expiration? My bed. The frame is bent so the slats fall out, which makes the entire thing fall through the frame, which resulted in the wood part of the box spring getting broken and it's all just a terrible mess. If deal with having just a mattress on the floor I'd get rid of it, but I can't embrace that super ghetto-ness just yet.

4. When does your current driver's license expire? November 17, 2014. This has been drilled in my head, but lord knows I'm going to forget and end up driving with an expired license.

5. What subscription, membership, permit, policy, or other dated document are you most likely to allow to expire next without renewal? I don't really pay for anything I don't need, so nothing. Absolutely nothing. Well maybe may lease, because this place sort of sucks. Yeah, my lease.

The Five People You Meet in Goodwill

Because when I think rocket launchers...

I wanted to apologize for not updating in a while and then I realized it's been three days. That's a completely legitimate amount of time to go in between posts, so no apology for you! Ha!

I've been spending most of my waking time at work this week so it's on my mind. I sort of hate having to interact with people all day and wish I could get a job which would involve some sort of filing and listening to This American Life on my iPod all day (which is what I do when I volunteer), but sometimes it's worth it. I thought I would catalog some of the customer archetypes I encounter often that either make me want to laugh or straight up murder someone with a rocket launcher.

Animal House

"Greg, honey is it supposed to be this soft?" -- Babs

Have you heard of the Friday Five? It's pretty awesome. I used to obsessive-compulsively update my livejournal five times a day, bare minimum. On Fridays though, I would post the weekly Friday Five in lieu of any other entries. It's a pretty simple concept. Every week, [this website] updates their blog with five questions. They usually have a theme of some sort that ties all five questions together. This week happens to be Expiration. I really like the Friday Five, because whenever I'm feeling a little desperate for a blog topic, I always have access to the previous Friday Five entries to give me a little bit of inspiration. Enjoy the blog, and feel free to steal them for your own blog. Remember to link back to the website!