Gleewind : S01E12

"You're off the Cheerios."

Just The Facts: Mattress is the twelfth episode of the season, and second to last before the break. Shit pretty much gets real. I mean seriously. While short on music, it's big on developments, and I couldn't imagine going through even a moment of the episode and getting rid of it. I'm surprised there was any room for music in this show, Ryan Murphy must have used his magic to bend space and time to fit all of this crap inside. Seriously, shit be crazy, as such, let's get right into it. I'm going to warn you, that this will probably be my longest Gleewind, and that's why I've been putting it off.

Emma's FML face.

At this point in the show history, Emma and Ken are getting married, even though she likes Will, which makes Ken hate Will. Terri is faking being pregnant, and is going to get Quinn Fabray's baby girl when she's born, Will doesn't know. Sectionals is coming up, next episode in fact, and both of the schools he's competing against are pretty bomb. You met them both last episode. On top of everything, Sue, wicked coach of WMHS kicked Quinn off of the Cheerios, and that brings us up to current. Prepare yourselves for more information that you previously thought possible.

We open in my favorite set of the show, the Teachers Lounge. Emma and Ken are having lunch, and we learn that it is picture week at WMHS. Everybody is making preparations for the yearbook photos, including Ken, who is losing weight for the wedding a week from Saturday. They were going to have the wedding in Hawaii, but Emma was shocked to learn that she can't bring her own fruit. Will is pretty butthurt because a week from Saturday also happens to be Sectionals. OMFG! Ken didn't plan that at all. Duh. Will picks up on it pretty quick, and Emma apologize profusely because she wanted to go, for the kids. Sue enters, donning matching black eyes, and she explains it away as an eyelift. This is nothing compared to her telling Will that she convinced Figgins not to give Glee Club a photo in the yearbook.

Not that this will come a surprise, but Will is outraged. We have the obligatory trip to Figgins' office. Figgins explains that putting the glee kids in this year's yearbook would be a disaster, since their photos always get vandalized. In the choir room, the gleeks look at old issues of the yearbook, dubbed the Thunderclap, terrifying name if you ask me, and obviously you do, because you're reading my blog dammit. I am king here. Wait, where was I? Oh yeah, gleeks and thunderclap. So the gleeks, sans Rachel, meet up to discuss the decision to not allow them a photo in the yearbook. They all agree that it is a blessing in disguise. Especially Kurt, who is rocking the gay cowboy thing. Really, I feel like this is the only time I would ever condone the use of a bolero jacket. Of course, Will shows up and preaches about equality and fighting the good fight, or some such bullshit. This is when we discover that Will has to pay $300 for a quarter-page photograph of two members of New Directions. Terri is going to be pissed. Oh wait, he lies to her about it.

There is a voice over bit with Rachel being a snooty cunt. She talks about how she joins every fucking club at the school in an effort to be the single most involved student at the school. Have I mentioned that I really, Really, REALLY don't like this character? She's such a bitch. If she had gone to my high school, I'm 98% certain she would have been pushed down a set of stairs by the end of her sophomore year. As part of a much more interesting storyline, Quinn is lamenting her ejection from the Cheerios. She's all sad and pouty. She feels segregated from the identity she connected with as a Cheerio, and decides to make it her mission to be reinstated to the Cheerios. Sitting in the library, she reads through the past Thunderclaps and she stands tall marching onward toward her goal. Can you tell I freaking love me some Quinn? I didn't at first, she seemed a bit holier-than-thou, but now that she's living with Finn and his mom, and she's not always sporting that pony, I really like her as a character.

At the Schuester household, have you noticed that I spell his last name different every time I type it, Will is trying to pick a tie for the school photos. Terri suggests wearing red for the teacher photo and green for the glee club. This is when he explains the situation and then lies to her about spending the $300 to buy the Glee Club a photo in the yearbook. Back at school, Rachel suggests to Kurt that they start a GayLesbAll. That's a Gay Lesbian Alliance, for those untrendy folks, or anybody who ever belonged to a GSA or PRIDE group and have never heard of a GayLesbAll. Luckily, Kurt's look of shock and dismay is countered by the fact that Rachel, in her ongoing quest to be the most annoying cunt in the entire universe, really only wants this so that she can be the most involved students in the school.

Will mentions that he got them a photo in the yearbook. Everybody is so excited. Wait, what's the opposite of excited? Oh yeah, everybody, sans-Rachel, fucking hates this idea! They decide to pick two team captains for the photo and that it will be put to a vote the following day. Mercedes nominates Rachel. Nobody votes for anybody else. It is up to Rachel to pick the other team captain. By pick, I mean that she has to convince somebody else to suffer through the agony. In other news, Kurt is really rocking the fabulous this episode, check out this combo he's got going on. Mercedes looks like a gypsy with a bad hair day, and everybody else looks just sad. Even black guy in the back. I think his name is Matt... I can never remember. Oh yeah, story plot things are happening, I keep getting distracted.

So the search for a co-captain begins:

I can't be captain, no time. Kwanza. 

If you lean over it'll look like you have stomach rolls.

Sure it will [get defaced] I'l be the one doing it. 

Note that I don't care, but I have football and friends and stuff.

Finally, she convinces Finn to do it. She does it by calling him a leader, and making him feel guilty about morale being low. Later, Rachel gives Finn a lesson on how to smile correctly for his photo. At 16 minutes into the 45 minute episode, she does this with Lily Allen's Smile. I'm not sure how this teaches you how to smile, In fact, if you listen to the lyrics this isn't such a happy song. It's kind of depressing actually. It's a nice rendition though. In fact, I like all of the music in this episode and listen to most of the songs on a fairly regular basis.  I'm not even a Lily Allen fan, or a Rachel fan, and I like this song, so there must be something good about it. I know, I'm a bad gay man. I deserve to be flogged. 

In the locker room, Karofsky, future tortured homosexual, and Azimio, future ... idk what he's going to be, but it won't be pretty, corner Finn and practice what they'll do to his glee club photo. They give him a choice of a hitlerstache on the picture, or buckteeth. Neither is a look Finn can rock, according to him. I'd have to agree, neither of these looks much fits anybody really. Rachel sits down for her photograph without Finn and openly laments to the photographer about how her co-captain didn't show up. She takes a break to collect herself and sings a five second song in her head in the mirror. The photographer says something about having to leave for a commercial. She starts to cry and convinces him to cast her and the rest of the glee club for the commercial. They're going to be selling mattresses. 

The commercial is OUT to the, wait for it... RAGEOUS! the entire glee club is wearing pajamas. They decide to sing a song for the commercial and have a synchronized jumping number on GIGANTIC mattresses. (See screencaps below and to the side) They perform Jump, not a favorite, but still a great performance, and this is the point in the series where those outlandish dream sequences make me giggle even harder than ever before. To make things even more fun, they are paid in mattresses. When it boils down to it though, the ONLY part of this number that I'm shocked about is the pregnant girl jumping on a bed and doing barrel rolls. 

Note Artie sitting alone in the corner. That's uplifting, right?!

Is it just me or does Kurt look legit terrified of doing this?

This is the most punk rock I have ever seen pajamas look.

Go. Watch this number. I'm not joking. This is when Mercedes goes effing NUTS!

How depressing.

While looking for his pocket square, Will discovers the pregnancy pad that Terri has been using to fake her pregnancy. Yeah. YEAH! This is where it gets real. at 26 minutes into the episode, Will confronts Terri. She denies whatever he's accusing her of, until he lifts her shirt and starts to cry and be angry at the same time. This leads to a fight. She blames Glee, and he calls her a bitch. Ok, he doesn't call her a bitch, but he should have. Eventually, he storms out and goes back to the school. He takes one of the mattresses that the kids got as payment for their commercial and sleeps on it in his office. This is probably the worst idea he could have had, because Sue goes to Figgins the next day with a copy of the show choir hand book that says that receiving payment for anything negates amateur status for show choirs, which means that New Directions can't compete at Sectionals the next week. 

Quinn shows up in Sue's office wearing her Cheerio's uniform and blackmails Sue into letting her be in the Cheerio's photograph. She brings up the countless times she's gotten schwag from being on the Cheerios, and how that should count as payment and negate their amateur status as well. Sue concedes, and says that Quinn reminds her of a younger version of herself. Quinn disagrees, and then says she doesn't want to be a Cheerio, and instead, that Sue is going to give up a full page so that the Glee Club can have a full photograph. Elsewhere in the school, Will and Emma discuss his relationship issues, and he eventually comes to the conclusion that to save glee he will have to excuse himself from New Directions, and returns the remainder of the mattresses so that the rest of the glee club can perform. He gives them a pep talk which leads to a final song, at 39 minutes. We have a great series of images of the glee club preparing for their school photo, and of Will putting on the red tie. It is a wonderful montage that brings up some sad moments in my own life. All in all, a lot happened in this episode and it sets up the thirteenth episode wonderfully. I hope you enjoyed it. I did.