Thursday, January 06, 2011

My So Called Life

"Sometimes, someone says something so small and it just fits into this empty place in your heart." -- Angela

I know, I know it's not a movie, it's a television show, but the quote fits the mentality of this post, which, by the by is another Soundtrack post. This particular soundtrack is my Sad Clowns playlist. My sad clowns playlist is a playlist that I have developed gradually over the past several years. it is what I listen to when I'm depressed, despondent, or otherwise feeling low. All of the songs are relatively slow and have a generally negative feel to them, but have very important positive meanings to me. They all remind me of times in my life when I've been the lowest of the low and had to overcome something big in order to recover and brings myself back to the top of my game. So, while on the outside these songs may sound sad, when I hear them, they lift my spirits without forcing me to listen to upbeat party jams. I've picked five of the songs from my playlist that mean the most to me. Give them a listen, I promise you won't be disappointed.




Daren Hayes' Unlovable. It was a toss up between So Beautiful and Unlovable for the top spot. This song comes from when I first moved back to Omaha back in 2007. I left a lot behind in Phoenix, including an awesome guy. Coming to Omaha and living in this place where I was unfamiliar and uncomfortable left me feeling alone and confused. Naturally, feelings of being unlovable surfaced. After my suicide attempt in July of that year, this was the first song I heard once I got a hold of my iPod again. It is strangely reaffirming.



Next we have Pink's Glitter. Not far into the song there is a line, "It's only half-past the point of no-return," This sums up the entire song. When Stephen and I broke up, I was terrified of what I might do. I credit Stephen with saving my life when we first reconnected in late '07. This song reminds me of crossing the point of no-return numerous times, and going on regardless. It's a gentle melody too, which makes me want to cry every time I head it.



Snow Patrol's Chasing Cars. I cannot sing this song without crying. It is a physical impossibility.



Tuesday 3am, from Latter Days. If you've never seen the movie Latter Days, you should. It isn't a great movie by any stretch of the imagination, but my friend Murray would say that it, "needs said," and I'd agree with him. It has a poignant message that really is beautiful in the long run. This song plays at about the 3/4ths point of the movie. It is a touching ballad that makes me remember how beautiful the world can be.



Joshua Radin's Winter. Fuck you, Scrubs! Watch this episode of Scrubs, because the scene in which this song plays touches me in ways that no man ever could. It has special meaning because of how I get even more lovable and adorable in the wintertime. Some of my dearest memories are of being bundled up and holding hands with the guys I've been with.

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