Gleewind : S01E11

Just The Facts; I'm going to warn you now. This episode is the subject of much consternation among my friends. Mostly because I fucking loved EVERY MOMENT and they almost universally loathe and despise its very existence. The episode itself is entitled Hairography and showcases the upcoming brilliance of Brittany the breakthrough actress of this series. While predominantly dealing with preparations for sectionals, this episode also sets the tone for the upcoming season break, and the end of Will's relationship and thus the beginning of his slutty stage. oh who am I kidding, he's always been in his slutty stage. He just hasn't had much time to be slutty in the physical sense, just the emotional kind.

"Coach Sylvester didn't tell me to do this."

We open in my favorite set of all time, yes you know the one, the Teachers' Lounge! Will is doing very important things while drinking milk and eating a cookie. Stupid Sue Sylvester, my favorite character, shows up and demands the set list for sectionals. Being the fine arts administrator, or something, she's dedicated to reviewing the set list, and Will does as he's told, because he's a fucking pussy who doesn't deserve to exist. In voice-over he mentions suspicions about Sue, before cutting to the choir room, where we see Brittany taping their rehearsal with her cell phone. More voice-over, when we're reminded that they're competing against Jane Adams' Academy and the Haverbrook School for the Deaf, two very important points to the plot, I assure you. Will, being paranoid, goes to Emma, who suggests that he go to the other schools and ask them if Sue is leaking his set-list.

"I had my spies at yo' invitational!"

At Jane Adams' Academy, we meet their director, Ms. Hitchens. You may remember her from her pathetic attempts at singing and performance in the real world. She adamantly refuses these outrageous allegations! Way to be a douche bag, Will! She guilt trips Will into hosting a 'scrimmage' (their word not mine) at WMHS. The scrimmage is both outlandish and unacceptable. At just over four minutes, the girls perform Bottylicious. Shit be straight not-ok. The Glee kids are slightly worried. Rachel, the cunt, explains that they employed the use of what is called Hairography to distract from their inability to dance. Thus we are given the title of the episode. Can it be? Do boobies, booties and big hair win competitions?! le gasp. Will decides that the best way to compete is to ... wait for it ... perform the title song from HAIR. Yeah. Yeah. He's also purchased an entire bag of wigs. Wigs. Yes. Wigs. OMFG. Not alright. Never alright. The use of wigs in musical performance is strictly forbidden.

Immediately before the cut, we see that they've forgotten the fact that ARTIE IS WHITE! White men with dreads is first: insulting, second: sexy, third: outrageous.

In the hallway, Quinn is emotionally cheating on Finn with Puck. he stole a book for her about how to raise a baby on $5 a day. She's feeling unsure about what to do with the baby. So, she considers giving Puck more of a chance. In voice-over she decides to get Kurt to give Rachel a make-over. This is where we get the great description that Rachel manages to look like a toddler and a grandmother at the same time. Kurt agrees to do it for Quinn, not knowing that she's only having it done in an effort to distract Finn so she can get close to Puck.

At the Schuester hosuehold, it's bedtime. Will tries to remove the wall o' pillow between he and Terri in an effort to be "intimate" and Terri freaks out. That's because she's faking being pregnant and doesn't want him to figure it out. She decides to buy him an old car, something similar to the car he owned in high school. The buzz words for this episode are Hair, and Distraction. If you're looking for a drinking game, just take a drink every fifteen minutes.

At the cunt's house, where Strawberry Shortcake and Holly Hobby come to hook-up, Kurt gives Rachel her make-over. He butters her up with back-handed compliments and suggests that she change so much that every boy in school does a double-take when she walks past. He suggests that the Leather Sandy from Grease is the look for Rachel.

The director from the School for the Deaf shows up in Will's office. He bitches and moans about not being invited to perform at WMHS. It's a barrage of deaf-jokes. Seriously. I lol'd the whole time. As the very short scene wraps up, they garner an invite to WMHS to perform on Monday. Transitioning to the Schuester household, we discover that Quinn wants to keep her baby, and Terri & her sister, the bitch, decide to show Quinn what it's like to take care of kids. They invite her to babysit the bitch's kids. They're terrifying creatures, as we'll soon see.

Cat-suited, Rachel goes to school and Finn goes WAAAAAAAAA! She invites him to her place to work on his hairography at 8pm on Friday night. Finn gets permission from Quinn, who is babysitting anyway. She of course asks Puck to come babysit with her. Disaster will ensue.

In the choir room, Brittany explains that Hairography works best when you act like you're getting taser'd, so just move around likeyou're spazzing n' stuff. It's like cool epilepsy. They spend the nexxt several minutes practicing, while Sue watches from the hallway. Sue and Will argue. Sue claims that she has her Cheerios wear their hair in a ponytail because she doesn't want anything to distract from the talent of the performers. She accuses Will of copying Jane Adams in an attempt to win. Will refuses to give over the set-list, and Sue is back as co-director.

"You look like a sad, clown hooker."

Rachel, the cunt, tries to seduce Finn by dressing up as Sandy, she had time to get a perm after school. It will disappear before her next scene. In this particular scene, we learn that Kurt played Rachel. He knew from a week ago that Finn didn't like girls who wore a lot of makeup and revealing clothes. He likes them being a little more natural. This results in a huge blow up between Rachel and Kurt. Rachel deals a fatal blow to Kurt, in which she says, "If you think I'm living in a fairytale... If I were second or if I were 50th, I'd still be ahead of you because I'm a girl!" Before that happens though, we have to check in with Quinn and Puck who soothe the savage children by singing to them. It's a shiterrific performance of Papa Don't Preach. I hated it. While Quinn and Puck were playing house, Puck and Santana were sexting.

Twenty-nine minutes in, New Directions performs their HAIR number. I refuse. Hear me? I REFUSE to post pictures of this. You need to go and find this number online. Nothing I can ever say can prepare you for the pure awesomely awesomeness of this number. It is wild, and outrageous, granted it's another mash-up and we all know how I feel about mash-ups. (I fucking loathe them with every fiber of my being and can't believe that so many of the glee songs are mash-ups) The reaction shots from the School for the Deaf are priceless because they're watching this without sound. I have found that muting the sound during this scene is heaven.

Eventually, the deaf kids perform. I will preface this next portion with and explanation that my friends seems to categorically hate this performance. It happens to be one of my favorite. granted, we would never have performed it in my show choir, and I would have personally liked it as a musician, but the premise is beautiful. They perform Imagine. It's rare that I will do this, but I'm going to provide the performance for you here embedded from vimeo, as youtube is pretty strict lately about show clips. I thoroughyl encourage watching it and giving it a fair shot. It's really a beautiful piece. I swear to God, I cried. New Directions joining one by one, while rude, is indicative of the effect that music should have on you. it should make you incapable of just sitting there. Some people will disagree with me, but as a musician, there is no greater compliment I could receive that having somebody spontaneously join me in song.



Imagine Glee from Daniel Reigada on Vimeo.

Fucking tears. I just watched it and fucking cried like a woman. I feel the need to go make my man a sandwich and clean the bathroom now. Sexism FTW. Speaking of women, and their place in the household, Quinn finally decides to give up the baby to Terri and Will. Will of course still doesn't know, but he will soon. We also learn that Will sold that car to buy a mini-van. After some emotional bullshit, Will gives the set list to Sue. Proud Mary in Wheelchairs, Don't Stop Believin' and True Colors are the final bill. Sue reveals it to the other two schools, as we end the episode with their performance of True Colors.

And that what you missed, on Glee.