Emotions are weird

I have always been fairly fascinated by emotions, in the weird meta way that I view my life sometimes. I have to say that contentment is my absolute favorite thing to feel. I think that's why I'm so fascinated with Daoism, since that seems to be the general goal of the philosophy.

I feel like happiness gets way to much attention. Happiness is nice and all, but it's sort of volatile. It's contingent on what's happening at the moment and a slight change can knock it completely out of your system. It's fleeting, not meant to last. All the "intense" emotions seem bad to me. Well, not bad, but sort of the same and not all that awesome. Happiness and anger are big things that fill you and leave you feeling empty when they run out. Depression or just regular sad are sort of the same. It's all very exhausting and even the most positive things hardly seem enjoyable. And of course when I'm happy it only takes about five seconds for my brain to start questioning why I am and if I really should be and telling me I'm a terrible person who needs to be sad all the time!

Because my brain doesn't shut up. Meditating is super hard for me, because even if I can get it to stop running full speed, it'll at least play a song in the background (There's no place on Earth like Australia! No island as wide! No land as diverse!), but when I'm content it just all stops. Completely. I am actually in the moment, and the moment is good.

So I started this blog post way earlier today and sort of should've started it over, but that would mean deleting everything above and that just doesn't sound fun. Really I just wanted to gloat about the fact that I get to be content now and it's awesome. And mind-blowing, but not so mind-blowing it stops. I wish I could communicate better in the conversational tone I prefer to use on here, but I hope you're getting this. I just can't approach the blog in my academic writing way, because that isn't fun! And now I'm just sort of rambling.

Aaaand I've decided that Doctor Who recaps are way too much work and I didn't give myself enough time to do them, so I'll be stretching them out until the new season actually starts in the spring. I'll do the Christmas special when it airs, but then I'll go back to wherever I am in the previous season. That'll give me an excuse to stretch the Who-watching all year as well.