Immediately after exiting the car, he is accosted by Rachel Berry who, big surprise, took the liberty of going to the library to get some sheet music that would feature her heavily on lead vocals. Thankfully, Will and his chia-pet hair have already made some song selections. This transitions to Finn being chivalrous and helping Rachel with her rolling backpack. Do people have these in real life? I've never seen one before except as luggage at the airport. Meanwhile, in the background, Mercedes, Tina and Artie are "learning some runs". We're taught that the finger waving is essential to a good run. In other news, Kurt is still being bullied by the football team, but luckily, we get the screencap of my personal guilty pleasure & ship of the year.
Woah! You don't know what a ship is? Luckily, there's a trope for that. [Shipping]. Kaka will be proud of my use of a trope in a post intentionally. Essentially, Shipping, a derivative of relationship, is the rooting for a particular fictional relationship or couple. You can read all about the history of the nomenclature on the tvtropes website, but for now, on with glee, which is where we learn that the mascot for WMHS would be the Titans. I never even bothered to learn that until just now when I unpaused after the screencap and it was said immediately afterward.
As a random student plays acoustic guitar in the hallway, establishing of course that while nobody likes music, or glee club, everybody has an extensive background in busking and music, Emma hides behind a corner, and plots her 'accidental' run-in with Will, who steps into his role as buttboy nice an early. He's wearing a tie that he failed at tying correctly and a v-neck sweater. The cast of Blossom would be ashamed. In a quick convo, they establish time-frame and we learn that only a few days have passed since the pilot, and we are affirmed of Emma's role in the school as a guidance counselor. While they giggle like schoolgirls, two school-girls, Quinn and Santana walk by and tell Schuester that he's wanted by Sue in her office.
In said office, Sue reveals that she's been speaking with Figgins and discovered that the Glee Club needs to place at Regionals in order to stay around after the end of the year. She also took the liberty of checking out a copy of the Show Choir Rule Book, where it says that you need 12 members to perform at competitions. According to her, the last time she looked, they only had 5.5 ... because Artie is in a wheelchair, get it, his legs don't work. It's funny because he's crippled. Actually, it's funny because Kevin McHale is the best dancer of the group. Will puts her worries to rest, and turns down anoption to become her second assistant with the Cheerios.
Out in the hallway, Q and Finn discuss being the most popular kids in school. I remember when this was a genuine goal of mine. I remember being a social butterfly in high school and doing everything I could to be as popular as possible. Lord, how pathetic can teenagers be right?! Rachel is of course listening in, because she's a stupid cunt who will use anything she can to get her way. Quinn tries to use touching her boob as incentive for Finn to leave glee club, and reminds Finn that people think he's gay now. Rachel and Quinn have a quick conversation about how Rachel isn't afraid of Quinn. This of course results in Rachel being slushied by Puck and another member of the football team as a transition to bad news bears. "and you know what that makes me? Your big gay beard."
The First6, are rehearsing some disco for a school Pep assembly on Friday. Everybody seems opposed to this, except for Will, who suggests more John-Travolta-hands. mercedes nearly gets kicked in the face, and threatens to cut Rachel. Kurt says that the song is really gay, and everybody pleads for modern music. I sense a trend developing where the club will argue with Schu about what music to perform. Will reminds them how important this assembly is, by informing them that they need six more members of the glee club asap. The glee club used to actually rock it back in '93 when they took Nationals with Freak Out.
This cuts to Will and Terri shopping for a house. Interspersed within the house-buying are scenes of a Sunday brunch with Terri's sister, Kendra, and her kids and her whipped husband. Kendra instigates the house-buying by bringing up the troubles associated with raising a family. Kendra be crazy, and Will be hating some kids. The entire scene spells disaster to me. It also paralleled my own relationship with a douchebag named Stephen Asswipe Huston who wanted more and more and would never be satisfied with what he had or the good things he was given. Terri Schuester is like Veruca Solt and Luna Lovegood rolled up in a crazy selfish ball. HPRFTW. Eventually, Terri convinces Will that they needed this new house. By need of course, I mean she wants them.
Up until this point, I wasn't sure if I actually liked Glee. Just ask my friends and roommates at the time. I was pretty convinced that I would get fed up with the lack of realism, having lived a show choir experience that was ten times crazier than this shit could ever be, and then, this conversation happened.
"You need to call me before you dress youself."
"whatever whatever"
"You look like a technicolor Zebra."
"You're a hater. That's what you are. You're a hater. you look like you're tryin' to copy me."
"And I look like I'm a part of it. I look like I planned it."
"You know what, if your hair was longer, you'd have curls."
Legit, I fell down on the fucking floor and roared with laughter. That set this in stone. This was my new obsession. It was at that moment that I started downloading every episode and buying the music from iTunes on the day it was released. It would eventually lead to an obsession of epic proportions that would include me getting friends from overseas to email me the songs days before they were released to the American public.
Anyway, they perform some Kanye, and Mercedes blows that shit out of the water. We realize that Finn can't do solos because he fails at life, so this is the first time we hear Will rap. Not the last though. This is the background for a montage of Terri doing measurements of her new house and preparing decorations and whatnot. Have I mentioned in my recent gleecaps my hatred of rap? Yeah. I'm not a fan. I don't know what it is about club hiphop that makes me want to kill people. Worse than that though is watching white people rap, it's like taking my heart out and kicking it with ugly boots.
For some reason, we join Emma in the bathroom, where she finds Rachel not throwing up in a stall. We learn that Rachel doesn't have a gag reflex, something that will make a man very happy at some point in the future. Seriously? I feel like this show has a young enough audience that this is not ok, but regardless, Emma does her job and takes Rachel to her office for counseling. Aww. The More You Know. Aside from the expositiony purpose of explaining that Rachel is in love with Finn and unhappy with how she looks, we get some great shots of pamphlets in Emma's office as well as discover that Emma harbors a secret love for Will, and locks herself in her car while listening to sad music and crying.
Flashforward to a conference in the principal's office, Rachel and Finn are on trial for using the Cherios copy-machine for non-cheerios purposes. It's a whole lotta drama that mostly adds to our hatred of Sue and our love of her being just so gosh darned evil. She reminds me of Ted from Buffy only not as nice. The scene itself isn't interesting, or important, but it does give us a great shot of Rachel wearing a horse sweater. Yep. You heard right, a horse sweater, similar to a reindeer sweater is fearworthiness, yet not quite terrible enough to ban from public high schools. We learn that the purpose behind using hte copy machine was to draw in new members without performing disco at the pep rally. Likewise, we discover that Schu takes a night job as a janitor as reduced pay to help cover his new house.
The next day, the Celibacy club meets, girls in one room, boys in another. Thanks to a rule about discrimination the Cheerio-dominated Celibacy club must admit Rachel which nobody is happy about. The girls discuss their love of Christ, while the boys discuss their sex lives, or lack thereof. This is where we get the infamous mailman whom I have grown to love and adore. If you're reading this, you don't know the story, Finn, while learning to drive with his mom nearly kills a mailman, this turns into his method for cooling off when he's having a grinding session with Quinn. He pictures nearly killing the guy and it keeps him from ... arriving early.
In the boy's room, we meet Jacob! He is my favorite character on the show for the entire first season, and for the first episode of season two. The girls practice ways to tease, but never please, which is what I secretly think girls do on the regular. Seriously. This show has opened up my mind to the crazy bullshit that ladies be trying to pull off all the damn time. Thank God I like boys. At the end of the club meeting, they pair up for the immaculate affection, which involves some grinding and some balloons and Rachel calling everybody on their bullshit. Yay for the jews keeping it real.
Later that night, Will and Emma clean a classroom together and get eerily comfortable. Does this bitch not realize he's married and having a kid? What a dirty fucking slut. Will makes some stupid faces and wears a janitor's uniform with his name on the shirt. This eventually cuts to an emergency meeting of the glee club, where Rachel and Finn present an idea to give the audience, "what they want" This is where we learn that sex sells, and absolute sex sells absolutely. >_> It is the first of several instances where the show will affirm that going behind the backs of your teachers yields negative results. Mercedes calls Rachel Eva, which makes me happy. Mostly because I loved me some Evita.
At the assembly, we have a fantastic performance of Salt n' Pepa's Push It. This whole performance is just seventeen different kinds of unacceptable. First of all,how did they hide the costumes from Schu, second of all, how did they do this without having sex on stage. legit. Pics below. The performance is ... well-received, especially by Jacob who begins a standing ovation.
Before that can happen though, Ken has to ask Emma out on a date, and Emma has to decline. Likewise, Rachel has to put the moves on Finn in the auditorium. They have a nice cute little rehearsal, followed by a picnic. Everything Rachel does is so calculated. I feel like she's some sort of creepy showbiz robot. She's been pre-programmed with the plots of every RomCom on earth and pulls them out of her memory banks to spawn instant romantic moments with the people she sees on the day to day. In other words, I envy her. She and Finn share a kiss, and he runs away like a little girl.
Outside of school, Doctor Asian McHotpants, no relation to the previous McHotpants student reveals to Terri that she is having a hysterical pregnancy and is in face, no pregnant. Terri is ... well, let's just say she's broken up about it. She plans to tell Will later that evening. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen because he mentions how happy he is to be starting a family with her. So, instead of telling him she's not pregnant, she tells him it's a boy. Smooth move cuntface. Let's all play this game, shall we?
The Cheerios performance of Say A Little Prayer for You is actually one of my top ten favorite glee songs. It's well-choreographed and very simplistic in its form. One of the upsides to the first season is the very organic nature of those early episodes. They were indicative of the struggles being faced by the club and the students. It's kind of annoying how the big numbers have taken over the performances as of late.
The show ends with Rachel, Mercedes and Tina singing Take A Bow, in a very simplified montage of her singing in various situation, including staring down Finn & Quinn in the hallway. All in all, a decent start to the series that i would quickly come to love and adore. But, it's over now. Get it, because it's a line from the song. It's funny. Get it? Screw you guys, I'm made of magic.
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