Gleewind : S01E01

Cheerios rule WMHS

"Quoi," you ask incredulously, having been formerly introduced to a Gleecap, you stare in awe and confusion at the word Gleewind, and ponder <<What is that?>>

Well, observant reader, a Gleewind is very similar to a Gleecap, in that it recaps and reviews an episode of Glee. What makes it different from a Gleecap? Well, it came to my attention that we'll be having a break from Glee here after the Christmas episode. Seeing as how people seem to enjoy m gleecaps, I thought it might be a nice treat to post retroactive recaps of the previous episodes so that those people who read the blog, but don't watch Glee, can be caught up on the backstory and what's happened up till now. They'll follow the same general format as the previous gleecaps, except that there will be no spoiler warnings, and they'll be easier to find in a pinch due to the title change. If you have any questions, concerns, comments or thoughts, please, don't hesitate to let me know, and I will strive with all of my might to make you happy. That said, Season One, Episode One. I will be recapping the initial aired pilot. I was going to do the Director's Cut, but I realized that there isn't much in the Director's Cut that isn't explained better later in the season and my recaps are long enough already. Hell, I haven't even started, and it's already several paragraphs worth of information. That said, fade in. 

"You think that's hard? I'm living with herpes. That's HAARD!"

 Our opening scene is of the stars of William McKinley High School, located in Lima, Ohio, The Cheerios. Primary antagonist of the first season, Sue Sylvester is seen right away in her signature tracksuit in which she utters one of several fantastic lines throughout the season, "You think this is hard? Try being water-boarded, that's hard." Which cuts immediately to the title card. I have to admit that I am actually a huge fan of Glee's title card. i have always been a major proponent of the extended intro with a theme song of some sort, but Ii think Glee manages to pull off the simple card with a brief intro much better.

The title fades to a shot of an unfortunate exhaust situation, which we learn is piloted by WMHS' Spanish Teacher, Will Scheuster. he leaves his vehicle, what a sad unfortunate piece of crap they both are. Seriously, it will be brought up time and time again, Will's hair is just plain unforgivable. Even Justin Timberlake couldn't rock the perm, buddy. He was even in a boy-band. Regardless, I'm sure plenty of time will be spent making fun of Will's hair, so this leads us to exposition time. Remember, the point of a pilot is to get us hooked on the characters, whom we meet in relatively humorous, seamless ways. 

Noah, Kurt, Mystery Footballer and Finn

First up, Kurt Hummel, Noah Puckerman and Finn Hudson. Noah is making preparations to toss Kurt into the dumpster as Mr. Scheuster walks by and asks if he's making new friends. Kurt pleads that the footballers spare his jacket, which happens to be a part of Marc Jakobs' new collection, and Finn holds his jacket while Noah and a nameless groupie toss Kurt into suffer his stinky fate. As a transition of sorts, we get our very first introduction to Quinn Fabray, who, for now is unimportant, but, in time will play a crucial role in the ongoing success, trials and tribulations of the Glee Club. 

Q.

A bell rings, and we find Will Scheduster staring into a trophy case admiring a trophy from back in the day, when Glee Club was all the rage. This quickly fades to his teaching his Spanish class, which will play almost no part in the series whatsoever. Frankly, I'm not even sure why a Spanish teacher is taking over Glee Club anyway, it seems pretty dang darn ridiculous to me, and not in the Harry Potter way that dresses your teachers up like your grandmother. HPRFTW. Finn is in his class, which must be important because they keep zooming in on him. It's not important, but I felt the need to point out that the production value of this pilot is pretty darned hilarious. 

In the next scene, and I use that term lightly because it is less than five seconds long and seems completely out of place, we meet both Sandy Ryerson and Rachel Berry. We will hear from both of them later, but for now, know that Sandy is feeling all up on Hotty McHotpants, and Rachel is none too thrilled about this situation. Sandy Ryerson is a character I can relate to. I have had teachers like this. I have worked with teachers like this. I will give Glee props in one department hyperbolic portrayals of real-life situations and people. 

In the teachers lounge, we find that Figgins, the principal, has taken away the coffee pots due to budget cuts. The football coach, Ken Tanaka, is kinda pissed and suggest striking. Will sort of mutters something, and Sue Sylvester saves the day with lattes all around. In the meantime, Emma Pillsbury enters and takes a seat. There is some bickering about Sue going over budget to pay for a nutritionist for her cheerleaders, dubbed The Cheerios, in case you missed it. Eventually, Sue leaves, and we can tell she is going to be big trouble in little high school. >_> That sounded better in my head, as I'm sure most of the dialogue between Will, Ken and Emma must've sounded inside Ryan Murphy's head. I'm pretty sure the jew writers didn't get hired until the second half of the first season cause this shit is dryer than Thanksgiving leftovers without gravy. It is established pretty early that Emma likes Will and that Ken likes Emma. 

The pearls make it classy.

Will learns that Sandy Ryerson got fired and he wants to take over the glee club. Figgins says it will take $60 per month to keep the club running, and that he expects Will to pay it. Furthermore, we learn that Will needs to use the costumes and props they already have, and that he can't use the stools because wood shop needs them. Bell-ring transition, which by the way, thankfully disappears after this season. Seriously, listening to the bell ring every time the scene changes is like stabbing my ears with a number 2 pencil over and over again. This fades, actually, I'm pretty sure it's a wipe-transition. I'm starting to think this was edited in iMovie. Anyway, transitions to Will, shirtless, in bed, with his wife Terri. They look adorable, and he looks like he hasn't worked out in a while. Regardless, first obligatory shirtless scene in the series, and we're only four minutes into the show. Legit. No joke. He blah blahs to himself in voice over, then decides on a new name for the glee club, New Directions. 

"To this day, we still don't know which one is my real dad."

Over the next several scenes, we meet the future gleeclubbers. Mercedes who sings RESPECT; Kurt, who sings Mr. Cellophane; Tina, who sings I Kissed A Girl; Artie who ... surprisingly doesn't sing anything; and Rachel, who sings On My Own. We also get to see the first ever slushie to the face. We learn that Rachel msot certainly did not get Sandy Ryerson fired, by which I mean she did, because he gave Hotty McHotpants the solo she deserved. We also learn that she has two gay dads who spoiled the shit out of her and made her believe she was the princess of the universe. JAP FTL. She posts daily myspace videos which are ridiculdby the Cheerios pretty harshly. By the by, we also get our first shot of Skanktana in this montage. 

Mercedes Jones sings RESPECT.

Kurt Hummel sings Mr. Cellophane from Chicago.

Tina Cohen-Chang sings I Kissed A Girl

Rachel Berry sings On My Own from the seminal Broadway Hit Les Mis.

Q and Santana make mean posts on Rachel's videos. 

Jazz hands FTW

This cuts to a scene of the Core5 performing a terrifying rendition of Sit Down Your Rocking the Boat, Artie, the boy in the wheelchair, hence referred to as Wheels, says that him singing the lead solo is an illustration of Schuester using irony to enhance the performance, to which Rachel says, "There's nothing ironic about showchoir." I never know how we're supposed to feel about Rachel. Half of the time, I love her for taking Show Choir so seriously, the other half of the time, I hate her for being such a cunt. 

Could this be more dramatic?

Cut to the Cheerios and Sue on the football field, with Schu and Rachel in the background. They have a heart to heart about how Rachel wants to be famous even though everybody hates her. She claims to need a male-lead who can match her mad skills. Figgins wants to kill glee club for the sake of hosting AA meetings in the Auditorium. Schu convinces him to reconsider, which leads to him agreeing to do detention for free. Which leads to another scene with Terri Scheuster, at her job at Sheets N' Things. They talk about Will taking extra hours, and we learn that they're trying to get pregnant, at one point, Terri utters the words, "I'm on my feet four hours a day, three times a week here. Now I have to go home and I have to cook dinner for myself?" What a cunt. I wish I only worked twelve hours a week. Shit I'd work one day get all twelve hours out of the way and be done with it. Shit son. 

"Being great at something makes you popular.

Sandy and Will have a quick talk about Will taking over glee. Sandy has taken this opportunity to be prescribed medical marijuaña and he sells what he doesn't use personally under the brand name Chronic Lady. (for medical use only) He puts a free sample in Schu's pocket, and goes to deal with someboyd who brought him a toilet sat cover that looks like barf. Meanwhile, back at school, oh wait, did I say meanwhile? I have no sense of time or travel at this school. Magically, Schu is back at school and meeting with Sue in her office. They discuss the future of Glee, and ways to get new students to join the glee club. Sue shoots down the idea, but school counselor Emma suggests getting a few popular kids would be a great idea. 

So, Will gets Ken to let him talk to the football team. This ends badly. That is, until he hears Finn Hudson singing in the shower. So, how to get him to join the glee club? Well, that's easy, plants drugs in his locker, and bring him to your office to black mail him into joining glee club, and blaming it on, "mandatory bi-weekly after school locker checks." Finn's response is gold, "I'll pee in a cup. I'll pee." Will goes pretty much ape shit and lays it on thick. I'm pretty sure there are laws against this kind of thing, not just the drug possession, but really?

Flashback to young Finn and his tragic mother. After some pointless history about he and his mother being really close and her losing her heart to some guy that spray-painted their grass green, we flash-forward to a performance of You're The One That I Want from Grease. Mercedes is all kinds of pissy and reminds us that this swayin' in the background ain't her thing. She calms down eventually, since she's not Rachel and gives two shits about the rest of the group.

Later that evening, in the craft room of the Schuester household, we learn that Terri has a problem with buying shit, and lots of it. Not even useful things, just stuff. Like numerous toilet-brush holders. We also learn that Will has some sort of degree to be an accountant, and that Will doesn't want to be an accountant, regardless of what Terri wants. After Terri turns him down to join him at an invitational with Glee club, Will puts a sign-up sheet in the Teachers Lounge, which garners Emma's name. 

That Saturday, at Carmel High, we learn that Finn is dating the head cheerleader, who happens to be President of the Celibacy Club. We also learn that Rachel is crushing hard core, and that Mercedes is latching onto Kurt. Aside from all of that, we discover that Vocal Adrenaline, the show choir from Carmel High is made of win and oozing with awesome-sauce. The glee club is ... disheartened. 

Back at school, while a mysterious group of people playing steel drums serenade the school, Finn is approached and punished for missing football practice due to the Saturday field trip. This is about the time we cut to the Schuester household, where Terri informs Will that she is pregnant, leading Will to telling the glee club that he is leaving. Everybody looks all sad and butthurt.

Eventually, Finn is seen on the football field, after a vague degree of pointless bullshit, where he is approached by the team, who have locked Artie in a porta-potty. Their suggestion is to tip said porta-

potty, leaving poor Artie stranded, their justification is that he's already in a wheelchair so it can't do too much damage. I'll admit it, I laughed. Finn saves Artie, and on their way off the field, he gets a brilliant idea! Journey. I hate Journey. I hate every Journey number they've done on this fucking show. If I never hear a Journey number it will be too soon. 

Finn rallies the troops. We learn that he and his friends threw pee-balloons at Kurt, and nailed all of his lawn furniture to his roof. I rofl'd. Finn convinces Artie to recruit the Jazz Band. He has Mercedes cover costuming, and Rachel takes care of Choreography. Kurt and Tina are there to look pretty it seems. Elsewhere in the school, Emma shows Will a video of him performing with Glee, which urges him to stay and go through with Glee club. 

As the show rounds out, we see the glee club, in the worst outfits known to mankind performing Journey's Don't Stop Believin' as Will looks on with approval, and a new found dedication to New Directions.