Paranoia, paranoia, everybody's comin' to get me

I just randomly started sort of reminiscing about something. I once called a friend to let her know I was outside and ready to pick her up. She put me on speaker phone so her roommate could join us in the conversation. When she closed her phone, meaning to hang up, it didn't end the call (we had the same phone so I knew this was just what happens). Instead of hanging up I decided to be sneaky and keep listening to what was going on, mainly because these two girls are very amusing to witness interacting with each other. It wasn't with any malicious intent. Nothing came of it and it was just funny.

I'm always convinced that people are observing me in some strange way though. Not in the tinfoil-hat paranoid way, just the... yeah the tinfoil hat paranoid way.

The Prince of Egypt

"Since you refuse to free my people, all through the lands of Egypt, I send a pestilence and plague."  -- The Palgues

The scene is Sunday night. My body is weak from eating too much food. I have been to two parties, and two "Christmas" dinners in the last seven days and I am ready to fall asleep and drift off into the wild world of my dreams for some much needed rest before I go to work at 4am. Suddenly, my body declares, "HOW DARE YOU!," in a method much akin to a large cow in a Rocko's Modern Life episode. My stomach folds in half with a pain that I have only been able to communicate as having a migraine in my tummy. It should be common knowledge among my friends and family that I have migraines from time to time. I think my migraines are tied in with my nosebleeds, but that is neither here nor there. When I say migraine, I mean the whole nine yards, sensitivity to light/sound/smell/taste/touch, construction crews building impossibly complex structures in my brainy bits, and the pain, oh the tear-inducing pain. This is what I was feeling. In. My. Stomach.

I want today, I want tomorrow!

So between my last post, a Facebook comment made about it, and the general random workings of my brain, I've been thinking about entitlement a lot lately. I don't know if that's something I personally have a problem with. If you are related to me you might disagree, but the middle-child syndrome is something that I can't really avoid and not what I'm talking about at all (everyone's entitled to a first rate childhood, so yeah).

The things I think I deserve are pretty simple. I'm going to try to catalog them.

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

I've been trying to gather my "working in the service industry" thoughts into a blog post for a while now and I thought I might as well just sit down and type them out in a post and see what happens.

Am I here, or am I dreaming?

They apparently don't make red onion costumes. This is totally relevant.

Tonight I watched Inception with Cameron. I hadn't seen it before and I enjoyed it. I've got thoughts on it, but I think the internet has had plenty of thoughts on Inception, so I thought I'd talk about what it brought to my mind: lucid dreaming.

On being a night person

I have never been a morning person. I have always done most of my living from the afternoon to the early morning. This is, apparently, socially unacceptable. If you are like me, you've encountered plenty of people who cannot understand that this is just the way your body functions. If you sleep until 2 in the afternoon, you obviously slept way too much. You could not have possibly stayed up until 6 in the morning. If you stay up extremely late, you are crazy. The fact that everyone has different times where they naturally function better escapes the people who were blessed with a body that functions ideally at the times society has deemed correct.

Four Christmases

"Boys, I don't want to speak ill of your mother on Christmas, but, she's nothing but a common street whore." -- Howard

So, I don't celebrate Christmas really. Mostly because I'm not Christian. I know, I know, technically/intellectually speaking, Christmas has nothing to do with Jesus, but that's not really the point. The Christians believe it's their holiday and as such, it has almost no meaning to me. Let's not even get started on the pagans and their suggestion of holiday-theft with all that Yule bullshit. How can you ever hijack a holiday? Seriously. If you figure it out, I'm going to hijack Easter next year and claim it as my own, we'll see how it works out. Wow, that was a whole lot of off-topic chatter. If this were a podcast, you'd be grumpy by now, wondering when the actual on-topic declarations would begin. Anyway, despite not finding purpose in Christmas and its imaginary meaning to my friends and family, I routinely find myself invited to attend parties and celebrations which I would rather not deal with. I'm stuck in this weird place right now, where familial traditions are being forced upon me, and all I want to do is create my own traditions. I suppose it doesn't help when you consider that this is my first Christmas alone since I came out, in high school. I didn't think it would hurt so much. That's not what this is about though. This particular post is actually about the celebrations I had.

Christmas

So this Christmas was sort of meh. I didn't do too terribly much and, as Josh's post will demonstrate, Christmas morning was probably the best part.

I spent my Christmas Eve alone. Or that was the plan. Eventually Josh came home and boyfriend came over, but as far as just home from work Katrina knew, she would be spending the entire evening all by her lonesome. The solution was booze. Well that was also the solution to the fact that work sucked and left me extremely grumpy. I also decided that old-school live-blogging would be a good idea. I say old-school because my laptop is really a desktop due to some problems, and being in the living room was crucial to my plan. So now I will sort of transcribe what I wrote in my composition notebook that night (sort of because I occasionally drifted into drunken short hand).

Gleewind : S01E10

First of all, Merry Christmas! For those of you who celebrate, I hope you have a wonderful day. For those of you who don't, enjoy this perfectly normal Saturday.

Just The Facts: Season One, Episode Ten of Glee is the Ballad episode. It's another one of those half n' half episodes. I was torn between loving and hating it, because it has a lot going on in a relatively short block of time. Once you make it through my gleewind, you'll understand the new levels of outrageousness this show reached when I first saw this episode.

Gleewind : S01E09

Just The Facts : Originally aired on the 11th of November, this ninth episode of glee, entitled Wheels is one of my top five favorites. It was celebrated by critics and viewers alike because of the serious nature of the episode and it's presentation of disabilities. It's not easy to discuss sensitive subjects in popular media, but Glee has managed to do so in an effortless, impressive manner that brings to mind ABC specials and lifetime movies of the week. That said, let's get on with this. Fade in, gym, the Cheerios are practicing an overly complicated routine involving jump ropes. In the bleachers, Quinn watches longingly. Remember, she got kicked off the team.

The Bourne Identity

"How could I forget about you? You're the only person I know." -- Jason Bourne

I had a great night last night. I want to get that out of the way. I got to spend several hours, albeit while work-ill, with people who made my life a lot better just by being in it for a brief period of time. I don't think I've had so much fun sans alcohol in many many years. So, to Corey, Kayce, Carly, Kaka, Grant, Gina, Karrie, Chris and Leanna, thank you very much for making me genuinely happy for a brief period of time. That said, this is actually the continuation and conclusion of my three-part series on my Needs, Wants and Do Not Wants with regards to a relationship. Part one can be found [here] and part two can be found [here]. If you're too lazy to go check them out, Identified Needs are: Long-term Love, Above-average Aptitude and Physical Proximity. Identified Wants are: Geek Goggles, Self-Actualized Sentience, and  Appropriate Age. This post is intended to examine the things I don't want in a relationship.

Gleewind : S01E08

Just The Facts; This eighth episode of Glee, entitled Mash-Up is thankfully lacking in its namesake. The episode was originally aired on the 21st of October, ten beautiful days after my birthday. This episode is actually one of my least favorite of the series. It is filled with some pretty craptastic music that I'm just not happy about. Of the six songs performed through the episode, I only gave two shits about one of them. Plot-wise it's a decent episode with several very important things in it, but overall, those plot-points could have been deposited in different episodes and we could have made this a much better episode by itself. Regardless, I'm sure you're anxious to get back into my gleewinds so, without further adieu, let's get started, shall we?

I am continually concerned with the lack of sense I make

Tonight I will be hanging out with some friends that I have known for at least 8 years (one of them I have known for longer, but it's easier to speak in terms of the whole). This made me head spin with blog ideas, mainly on the subject of different classes of house guest and how someone's status can change over time, but that's not what I want to talk about right now.

These people ruined me. They are all wildly intelligent, hilarious, amazing people and they set my social standard. I expect everyone I meet to be up to their par. It's sort of crushing when people disappoint me.

Intelligence is the factor most people fail at. I still (sort of) believe everyone is smart, in their own way, but I don't meet people with that in my head. I expect people to be smart my way. I believe everyone loves to read and has the ability to form coherent sentences when writing. I believe everyone has the ability to communicate and, in turn, understand complicated thoughts. I also expect them to laugh at math jokes.

Most people aren't like this. I cocooned myself with my nerdy friends for way too long and I am having difficulties adjusting my expectations. This is something I've been thinking about a lot, mainly since this summer.

Let's see. I was going to do a grand post about this, but my adventures proved a little shorter than I expected (thankfully), but let me try and explain this in terms of OK Cupid. I joined OK Cupid in a fit of "Holy shit I'm losing the post break up game, I need to go on some dates STAT!" and it went swimmingly, as mentions of the boyfriend should indicate, but I was sort of snooty. I would glance over profiles and judge people based on their ability to communicate. I didn't look at pictures really, just text. I knew I didn't want to get involved with someone who thought the letter "u" was a word again, or anyone whose texts I would have to spend unreasonable amounts of time deciphering. Is that wrong? I feel like it might be.

As is usual with my posts I'm losing my train of thought (assuming I had one to begin with). Basically I just want to say that I expect all of you to be brilliant and I want you to stop disappointing me. Crack open a book, practice writing in full sentences, see a good movie, troll TV Tropes, do something intelligent today. Okay so TV Tropes might not seem that intelligent, but it encourages analytical thought, which is one of those things I find lacking in so many people.

Slightly related but just popped into my head: TOLERANCE. Holy crap, people are douchebags sometimes. I surrounded myself exclusively with really tolerant people for a long time (probably had something to do with the intelligence factor), but the real world is scary. Yes, I am an atheist. No, I don't want you to pray for me. Yes, my roommate and most of my male friends are gay and that is totally awesome. I get a lot of raised eyebrows these days from some basic descriptions of my life. Or the people who assume Josh is a girl from some of the stories. Honestly.

(Oh and the comic is from XKCD. Blogger is weird and making it unpleasant for me to attempt to link the picture back to you, but hopefully you knew where it was from already.)

The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

"The very worst poetry in the universe was written by one Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Sussex. Thankfully it was destroyed when the earth was." -- The Book.

Continuing my three-part series on my Needs, Wants and Do-Not-Wants with regard to relationshippy goodness, I spent most of my morning at work in deep discussion with myself. If you read my post, entitled Latter Days, yesterday, or today, you'll likely remember that I identified three needs in a potential relationship. I should clarify, since it was brought up to me, that I acknowledge that I am the common denominator in all of my relationships. I should also note that anybody who says this is a sodding idiot who obviously doesn't understand the human heart, or the ways in which people interact. While I am the common denominator in all of my relationships, there are other aspects to a relationship which add, or detract from the dynamic. So if you're one of those douche bags, go away, before I kick you and throw sticks at your face. That said, let us continue, shall we?

Latter Days

"We're colors and whites, we don't mix." -- Elder Aaron Davis 

Jakob B, Aaron M, Nathan R, Chad G, Stephen H and Nathan B. These are the people I've dated in reverse order. I like to write blog posts about the boys I have kissed because they give the opportunity to look back and use hindsight, which we know to be 20/20, to comprehend the effect the kisses have had on my personal development. You'll notice though that I haven't mentioned anything that has happened since late 2006. I have trouble looking at my recent mistakes, and lately, it seems as though the last four years have been one monumental mistake. It's been the root of some mild depression and other problems. I've found myself staying up all night long mulling over the past four years of relationships, and trying to figure out why each of them failed. It's frustrating, because what I want most of all is to fall in love, and find somebody with whom I can build a life. . . Somebody who i can do laundry with. Strangely, Stephen and Aaron were the closest to this paradigm.

Deliver Us From Eva

"You three have yet to feel my rage." -- Eva 

The internet, while being for porn, also seems to bring the worst out in people. While I acknowledge it as being a basic human need, akin to breathing, eating and sleeping, being a bitch has a time and a place. I'll be the first to admit, internet, that I'm a self-centered, holier-than-thou, high-horse riding, soap-box-preaching, elitist aesthete, with a serious leaning towards liberal cunt-faced bitching. I will also point out, internet, that I know that I present my bitchy commentary, and self-obsessed rants in places which are predominantly geared toward like-minded people who, while they might not agree with everything I have to say, will have the common decency to think for ten seconds before they post a comment, on my status/blog post/picture/note/event, to consider if the things that are about to be communicated through their tap-tap-tap on the keyboard will be constructive, or just plain ridiculous.

Role Models

"Well, obviously we're not supposed to buttfuck these kids." -- Wheeler

Earlier today, I was sitting with a friend in his attic bedroom discussing life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Really, we were discussing drugs, alcohol, anonymous sex, and the price of tea in China, but life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness just sounded like a better way to start out a post about being a role model and specifically growing up gay in Omaha, Nebraska without any real male role model to speak of, and especially no gay role model. This came up because while discussing the less-than-savory aspects of my life with this friend, he brought up setting a good example for our younger siblings. He was speaking metaphorically because he has no younger siblings as of now, and it got us to thinking about how we grew up, and how we learned to be the us that we are today, and I thought it would make a good blog post. I should mention as a preemptive warning that I haven't really slept, and I'm running on caffeine so this post may suck monumental

Drunk Blogging

This is what tequila brings for me. Outrageous.

Tonight was our holiday party at Goodwill, although really I guess it was a Christmas party since it involved "blessing" the food, but whatever! It was a pretty good time after a while. And then I went to one of my manager's apartments and imbibed a reasonable amount of tequila, which made me weird, which makes me want to blog.

Tequila always makes me want to dance. Which makes me miss Cameron. I don't know if I can describe us better than telling the story of box head. Which is basically we got really drunk, starting jamming to something, and then laid down on the floor with a large box over both of our heads to block our singing from everyone else, while still being able to jam together. He's my favorite dancing partner and I really could've used one this evening.

But! I was also thinking about politics. In the context of the boyfriend really, because he seems to have a hefty conservative slant, whereas I am (surprise!) super liberal. I don't really mind, since I don't apply my idealistic politic views to the real world (I expect centrism), but it does make me think. Being liberal makes sense to me, because so much of it seems self-evident. I suppose that's more the social side of things though.

It's amazing how natural typing is! My fingers flow over the keys and produce words and it's weird.

But yeah! I think I had more to say, but I thought I would share drunken Katrina rambling with you all. I'd also like to share the song that struck my fancy a little bit earlier this evening, which I've loved for a while, but made it back into my life a big way... earlier this evening like I said.


I love Regina Spektor way too much. I hated Pitchfork for ripping "Far" apart, because it contains the things that they loved her for two albums ago, but I digress. This song is super cute. The dolphin sounds are priceless. It was just dance-y enough for me earlier, plus super fun to sing along to. So give it a listen if you feel so inclined.

Josh is demanding I post

There are better pictures of Crater Lake available, but I thought I'd go with the one I took. Oregon is pretty!

I really don't have a lot to say lately. I'm enjoying my free time, which is nice, but whatever no one wants to hear about that.

So let's talk about today. So far I've done lots of laundry, made seven layer bars, tried schnitzel (so bomb and you guys, my boyfriend can cook. Score!), bought lottery tickets for the first time, and ran to an extremely overcrowded grocery store.

These last two got me thinking a bit, because they made me go outside. Well, I went out on the balcony earlier and it sort of started this thought process, but the attempting to accomplish things while not leaving Papillion really cemented it for me.

I need you to understand that while I live in Papillion, I rarely spend any time in it outside of the apartment. I had to Google to find the nearest grocery store, because fuck if I was going to Wal-mart for a can of creamed corn, and generally it makes me angry. So when you combine that with today's fairly dreary, wet weather, I'm reminiscing about Oregon.

In theory I really liked Oregon. It's really a beautiful state, but we lived in an awful town. Terrible. Really just craptastic. I treated it then like I'm treating Papillion now, I didn't bother to get to know it. Every time I needed to find somewhere I didn't go to on a regular basis (AKA home and school) I would get very frustrated, lost, and generally just feel pretty stupid. That's how I felt on the way home from the grocery store today. I got all kinds of lost in the shopping... thing. I don't know. I fail at mega parking lots in general and this was no exception.

So yeah. I'm thinking I should probably start actually getting to know Papillion.

Oh but it definitely feels Oregon-y outside right now, which was the other point to this.

I am required to say that I will get a Who recap together soon, but I don't think you really care.

So yeah. I posted. That should keep Josh happy for a day.

Cinderella

Leave Britney Alone!

"All the dreamers in the world are dizzy in the noodle." - Fairy Godmother

This is the start of a new series. It is entitled Glee Episodes I Want To See. Essentially, it boils down to this: I watch Glee, a lot. Like I have every episode, attained through entirely legal means of course, on my computer. I watch through my favorites on the regular. I also watch each individual episode at least four times within a week or the original airing. It's pretty ridiculous actually. Wait, no it's not, it's amazing! Anyway, as any fan(atic) I am convinced that my ideas are a million times better than  anything the show's creators could come up with. Obviously, my years of experience in television production, casting and choreography are being wasted. Shut up, don't judge me. My first installment, if you haven't guessed from the picture I chose is a tribute to Internet Fame.

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace

Yeah, it's kinda like that.

"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." -- Yoda

I got a text message from a good friend of mine yesterday afternoon. It essentially presented me with two choices she had to weigh against one-another. She was trying to pick between two guys, one who was fresh and new, and one who she knew loved her but was old and tired. My answer was almost instant, "Pick the option that moves your story forward."

She seemed to like that answer well enough, and thanked me, but I had to clarify what I meant because when I say this to somebody, I always feel like they don't really understand what I mean. It's not that I think my friends are stupid, I just don't think most people understand the way my brain works when it is trying to make decisions.

Get Real

"The strange thing is, after I, done that to you ... all I could think of doing was holding you to make it all right, and I knew, I really knew, that I've never loved anyone so much." -- John Dixon

Continuing the series concerning The Things I Have Learned from the Boys I Have Kissed, I give you the story of Adam: The Mormon from Utah. This boy happened to educate me on the power of forgetting yourself and your ideals for the sake of adventure. This is what established my mentality of moving the story forward. That mentality is important, because it has managed to make my life rather entertaining from time to time, and it is one of the few universal mandates that I observe on a daily basis.


For the sake of exposition and establishment of setting, this story takes place in June of 2005, in the Arizona High Desert, specifically, a simple place called Arcosanti where I spent several years following high school. As I'm sure you can imagine, it's hot outside. On this particular night, I was a quiet, and I mean that, quiet 20 year-old man. At that point, I had only ever kissed three people, and one of them was a girl. I had only had sex with three people, and one of them was unwillingly. I was new to the world, not even 21, which is when I would blossom into the person I genuinely enjoyed being. I was a weekend warrior, my friends and I would have adventures in the shape of parties every weekend and during the summertime, the party-place was the Arbor. It was a nicely enclosed location with a great view of the river, and a sense of inclusion to it. My best friend at the time would be Talullah-Jewel, who taught me to love red wine, and would share drinks with me when we were dancing under the stars. This was one of those parties. 

Driving Miss Daisy

"An old nigger and an old Jew woman takin' off down the road together... that is one sorry sight! "-- State Trooper

Now, this may come as a shock to you, but I think I might be a racist. For that matter, I think I might be a sexist too. Furthermore, I'm pretty much a bad human being, and I'm probably going to hell. I know, I know, Kate Monster and Princeton taught us that everyone is a little bit racist, (Or in the case of Christmas Eve, a ritter bit lacist) but I honestly don't think there is a single combination of race, intelligence, gender, sexual orientation of religion that I genuinely wouldn't make fun of if presented with the opportunity. Sure, there are the easy ones, like black lesbian Jewish lawyers, and female Asian drivers, but when it comes right down to it, I don't think there is a single person that is off limits for me. I make fun of the gays all the time, so it's not a personal thing. Same with white people. Even intelligent beautiful people with enormous IQs and fabulous style aren't safe from my tongue. Ok, that came out wrong, but you know what I mean. 

Gleewind : S01E07

Just The Facts: This seventh episode of glee, entitled Throwdown, was originally aired on the 14th of October, 2009. It is the first episode with Sue as co-director of the glee club, and happens to be the episode of uncertain time. In our most recent episode we learned that Sectionals was supposed to be in two weeks, but this is not the episode before sectionals. in fact, Sectionals won't happen for several more episodes, around episode thirteen if I'm not mistaken. The first season had a lot of continuity errors, luckily most of those have been retconned in the new season, but whoever was responsible for continuity in the first season serious dropped the ball.

Yes. I am a girl.

Josh's post got me thinking. The whole clothes thing is one of those universal truths I tend to forget in favor of comfort, because sweatpants and t-shirts are like heaven. I usually pull on jeans when I'm headed out, but I usually opt for laziness on my days off.

But I want to talk about slightly girlier things. Putting on make-up has that same effect Josh was talking about with clothes. It makes my day go better. When I catch my reflection in something, I'm a lot happier if I'm a little done up. I have eternal dark circles under my eyes, which are a little deep set, so putting on eye make-up lets me appreciate my beautiful blue eyes. My cheeks are also always red, so that's nice to cover up as well.

I still feel like make-up has a stigma, although it really doesn't anymore. There are still women who choose not to wear it as a sort of statement, but I think that statement only really matters if you don't get it. I don't wear make-up for other people. I wear it for me. It makes me more confident and just brightens up my day.

Same with having my hair done. I don't do it very often, because my hair is stubborn and requires roughly a gross of hairspray to tame it, or else it will go back to its original setting within ten minutes. When it does actually manage to stay, I feel bubblier. It's nice.

And having fake nails. Oh goodness. I have extremely weak nails and no skill with shaping them, so, on the rare occasions when I've actually gotten my nails done (I think it's a grand total of like 4 times) it's pretty awesome. I love driving and seeing grown-up, put together looking hands. And the authoritative click-clack of drumming fake nails on hard surfaces.

I don't really have a point to a lot of my blog posts do I? I can't do the sending a message to the masses thing. I guess I'm just saying these things work for me and I just want to use this as a way to let people know.

Oh and the picture is sort of random. I hate picking pictures for posts, but I guess that's my way of saying throwing on an outrageous masquerade mask while imbibing tequila has a similar effect.

The Devil Wears Prada

"Andrea, Runway is a fashion magazine, so an interest in fashion is crucial." -- Emily


So, it is no surprise that I am a gay man. What it might surprise you to know is that I am not a very good gay man. I have little interest in fashion, and in fact, haven't changed my wardrobe much since I graduated from high school. Sure, I have far fewer outrageous t-shirt with non-witty sayings on them, but for the most part, aside from items I've purchased, or had given to me, for work, my style has remained t-shirt & jeans. Lately though, I've been more and more interested in how my clothes make me feel. Today, I got a smack right in the face that reminded me that clothes really do make the man. Well, half of it was yesterday, and the other half was today. 

Gleewind : S01E06

Just The Facts: This sixth episode, entitled Vitamin D centers around what will be a glee club annual competition between the boys and the girls. It originally aired on the Seventh of October, 2009, just four days before my twenty-mumblemuble-th birthday. It marks the first appearance of a mash-up in the show, which, frustratingly, becomes a near-constant occurrence in the show. I cannot possibly explain how very little I like mash-ups. It sucks, because, prior to Glee, I loved me some mash-ups. Legit, I own everything DJ Earworm has ever produced. I have the Booty album several times over, I'm an highly frustrated by their over-exposure in glee. It's funny, because this section is just the facts, but I use it to bitch bout or praise the episode. Get it.

Emotions are weird

I have always been fairly fascinated by emotions, in the weird meta way that I view my life sometimes. I have to say that contentment is my absolute favorite thing to feel. I think that's why I'm so fascinated with Daoism, since that seems to be the general goal of the philosophy.

I feel like happiness gets way to much attention. Happiness is nice and all, but it's sort of volatile. It's contingent on what's happening at the moment and a slight change can knock it completely out of your system. It's fleeting, not meant to last. All the "intense" emotions seem bad to me. Well, not bad, but sort of the same and not all that awesome. Happiness and anger are big things that fill you and leave you feeling empty when they run out. Depression or just regular sad are sort of the same. It's all very exhausting and even the most positive things hardly seem enjoyable. And of course when I'm happy it only takes about five seconds for my brain to start questioning why I am and if I really should be and telling me I'm a terrible person who needs to be sad all the time!

Because my brain doesn't shut up. Meditating is super hard for me, because even if I can get it to stop running full speed, it'll at least play a song in the background (There's no place on Earth like Australia! No island as wide! No land as diverse!), but when I'm content it just all stops. Completely. I am actually in the moment, and the moment is good.

So I started this blog post way earlier today and sort of should've started it over, but that would mean deleting everything above and that just doesn't sound fun. Really I just wanted to gloat about the fact that I get to be content now and it's awesome. And mind-blowing, but not so mind-blowing it stops. I wish I could communicate better in the conversational tone I prefer to use on here, but I hope you're getting this. I just can't approach the blog in my academic writing way, because that isn't fun! And now I'm just sort of rambling.

Aaaand I've decided that Doctor Who recaps are way too much work and I didn't give myself enough time to do them, so I'll be stretching them out until the new season actually starts in the spring. I'll do the Christmas special when it airs, but then I'll go back to wherever I am in the previous season. That'll give me an excuse to stretch the Who-watching all year as well.

Gleewind : S01E05

Just The Facts: The Rhodes Not Taken is the first appearance, but certainly not the last, of April Rhodes, a WMHS Alum, who steps in to fill the void left by Rachel's abandonment of Glee club. It is the first appearance of the quick recaps before each episode, and opens with a rendition of Don't Stop Believin'. Did I mention earlier how much I loathe Journey? Especially in relation to this show. They'll address it in later episodes and it frustrates me because this is yet another instance of tthis ungodly song being performed in the show. It happens like ten times. The whole glee club, including the new members recently introduced are practicing said song, when Quinn gets morning-sick, because she's pregnant, remember? And Kurt asks if they can talk about the giant elephant in the room. Santana asks is he means his sexuality. You see it's supposed to be funny because he's gay but hasn't really told everybody yet, see cause it's fun to make fun of gay kids. Anyway, Kurt is referring to the fact that Rachel is gone. Rachel makes you want to light yourself on fire, but she can sing, and everybody is worried about what's going to happen. Finn is worried about the baby with all of Quinn's dancing.

Gleewind : S01E04

Just The Facts: This episode, entitled Preggers, is the fourth episode of season one. It originally aired on the 23rd of September, 2009, and is fairly Kurt-centric. Who can blame them after the startling upset last episode when we learned that Kurt was gay. I know, I know, still a shocked. Ryan Murphy and his plot twists! I tell ya. Regardless, This episode also introduces us to Brittany and gives Sue her second job at a local news station, hosting an editorial portion called Sue's Corner. That said, fade in on Kurt's iPod, and his Superstar Playlist. He has selected Beyonce's Single Ladies, which is a ripped off video with ripped off dance moves, but a sensational song that really plays a prominent role in this sensational episode. Yeah, you heard me. Sensational. This is one of my top three favorite glee episodes. You'll be lucky if I say anything bad about it whatsoever. It's made of fucking magic dammit.

The Empty-Handed Epicurian: Salmon pasta

This is not what your food will look like if you follow the sort of recipe below.

Josh and I pursue a life of fabulousness, as you should well know by now! However, our financial woes can be a bit of a... hindrance to this lofty goal.

We usually have a fairly bare fridge. I know, you thought it was fully stocked with brie, caviar, and champagne. Well sorry to disappoint! We tend to end up with a few random odds and ends towards the end of the week that seem impossible to eat on their own, so I have been applying my mildly creative cooking a lot lately.

Tonight I made angel hair pasta with an olive oil garlic Parmesan sauce with Alaskan salmon. Sound impressive? Well, in this debut of what I hope is a recurring thing, I'll tell you how it most assuredly is not.

I started with a salmon burger that my lovely older sister gave to me last time I visited her. I threw that on the George Foreman and forgot about it for a while.

Then I pulled some angel hair pasta I made roughly a week ago out of the fridge and turned it upside down over a bowl. Imagine the shape of canned cranberry sauce here please.

I covered that in oregano, garlic, Parmesan cheese, and olive oil. Plus some Colby Jack cheese because it was in the fridge. I stirred it around and threw it in the microwave for two minutes.

Then I drank a cocktail I had leftover from last night.

When the microwave beeped I checked the salmon and saw it was not done. So I threw the pasta in the microwave for two more minutes. The salmon was done then, so I threw that on top of the pasta and chopped it up with a fork and mixed it in. Bam, fancy sounding entree.

The most important things to have when trying to eat something that doesn't make you want to vomit, while costing you nothing at the time, is to keep your goddamned spice cabinet stocked! I cannot emphasize this enough. Olive oil also goes a long way. Relatives who don't want you to starve to death are awesome contributors to the cause as well.

And booze. Always have a drink while cooking this stuff. That way if it backfires, which it will from time to time, you will not give a crap!

I hope to get another Doctor Who recap up soon, but I've been fairly distracted lately so I'm not making any promises!

(Note: totally wanted to call this "Ghetto Gourmet," but apparently that's already a thing.)

Gleewind : S01E03

Just the Facts: Originally aired on September 16, 2009, this is the third episode of Glee. It is entitled Acafellas a portmanteau of A Cappella and Fellas. In it, we meet Will's parents and we have our first big guest star/cameo. Will's parents are portrayed by Victor Garber and Debra Monk, both of whom are sensational actors in their own right. Regrettably, we don't see Victor sing, which would have set my soul on fire. Fade in, dinner at the Scheuster household.

Gleewind : S01E02

Just the facts: The pilot of Glee originally aired on May 19, 2009. This episode, didn't end up airing until September 9, 2009. That means we waited four whole months for Glee to continue it's story. Nobody expected the show to be such a hit in the beginning. In fact, a lot of people involved with the show have been quoted as saying that they expected it to bomb pretty hard, but really had fun making it. Lucky for us though, glee lived, and came back to us. This episode, at 43 minutes long, acts as an introduction to several new characters, and also establishes several of the key elements of the season, so without further adieu, fade in to Will's car which has been given a new vanity plate.

Gleewind : S01E01

Cheerios rule WMHS

"Quoi," you ask incredulously, having been formerly introduced to a Gleecap, you stare in awe and confusion at the word Gleewind, and ponder <<What is that?>>

Well, observant reader, a Gleewind is very similar to a Gleecap, in that it recaps and reviews an episode of Glee. What makes it different from a Gleecap? Well, it came to my attention that we'll be having a break from Glee here after the Christmas episode. Seeing as how people seem to enjoy m gleecaps, I thought it might be a nice treat to post retroactive recaps of the previous episodes so that those people who read the blog, but don't watch Glee, can be caught up on the backstory and what's happened up till now. They'll follow the same general format as the previous gleecaps, except that there will be no spoiler warnings, and they'll be easier to find in a pinch due to the title change. If you have any questions, concerns, comments or thoughts, please, don't hesitate to let me know, and I will strive with all of my might to make you happy. That said, Season One, Episode One. I will be recapping the initial aired pilot. I was going to do the Director's Cut, but I realized that there isn't much in the Director's Cut that isn't explained better later in the season and my recaps are long enough already. Hell, I haven't even started, and it's already several paragraphs worth of information. That said, fade in. 

"You think that's hard? I'm living with herpes. That's HAARD!"

 Our opening scene is of the stars of William McKinley High School, located in Lima, Ohio, The Cheerios. Primary antagonist of the first season, Sue Sylvester is seen right away in her signature tracksuit in which she utters one of several fantastic lines throughout the season, "You think this is hard? Try being water-boarded, that's hard." Which cuts immediately to the title card. I have to admit that I am actually a huge fan of Glee's title card. i have always been a major proponent of the extended intro with a theme song of some sort, but Ii think Glee manages to pull off the simple card with a brief intro much better.

The title fades to a shot of an unfortunate exhaust situation, which we learn is piloted by WMHS' Spanish Teacher, Will Scheuster. he leaves his vehicle, what a sad unfortunate piece of crap they both are. Seriously, it will be brought up time and time again, Will's hair is just plain unforgivable. Even Justin Timberlake couldn't rock the perm, buddy. He was even in a boy-band. Regardless, I'm sure plenty of time will be spent making fun of Will's hair, so this leads us to exposition time. Remember, the point of a pilot is to get us hooked on the characters, whom we meet in relatively humorous, seamless ways. 

Noah, Kurt, Mystery Footballer and Finn

First up, Kurt Hummel, Noah Puckerman and Finn Hudson. Noah is making preparations to toss Kurt into the dumpster as Mr. Scheuster walks by and asks if he's making new friends. Kurt pleads that the footballers spare his jacket, which happens to be a part of Marc Jakobs' new collection, and Finn holds his jacket while Noah and a nameless groupie toss Kurt into suffer his stinky fate. As a transition of sorts, we get our very first introduction to Quinn Fabray, who, for now is unimportant, but, in time will play a crucial role in the ongoing success, trials and tribulations of the Glee Club. 

Q.

A bell rings, and we find Will Scheduster staring into a trophy case admiring a trophy from back in the day, when Glee Club was all the rage. This quickly fades to his teaching his Spanish class, which will play almost no part in the series whatsoever. Frankly, I'm not even sure why a Spanish teacher is taking over Glee Club anyway, it seems pretty dang darn ridiculous to me, and not in the Harry Potter way that dresses your teachers up like your grandmother. HPRFTW. Finn is in his class, which must be important because they keep zooming in on him. It's not important, but I felt the need to point out that the production value of this pilot is pretty darned hilarious. 

In the next scene, and I use that term lightly because it is less than five seconds long and seems completely out of place, we meet both Sandy Ryerson and Rachel Berry. We will hear from both of them later, but for now, know that Sandy is feeling all up on Hotty McHotpants, and Rachel is none too thrilled about this situation. Sandy Ryerson is a character I can relate to. I have had teachers like this. I have worked with teachers like this. I will give Glee props in one department hyperbolic portrayals of real-life situations and people. 

In the teachers lounge, we find that Figgins, the principal, has taken away the coffee pots due to budget cuts. The football coach, Ken Tanaka, is kinda pissed and suggest striking. Will sort of mutters something, and Sue Sylvester saves the day with lattes all around. In the meantime, Emma Pillsbury enters and takes a seat. There is some bickering about Sue going over budget to pay for a nutritionist for her cheerleaders, dubbed The Cheerios, in case you missed it. Eventually, Sue leaves, and we can tell she is going to be big trouble in little high school. >_> That sounded better in my head, as I'm sure most of the dialogue between Will, Ken and Emma must've sounded inside Ryan Murphy's head. I'm pretty sure the jew writers didn't get hired until the second half of the first season cause this shit is dryer than Thanksgiving leftovers without gravy. It is established pretty early that Emma likes Will and that Ken likes Emma. 

The pearls make it classy.

Will learns that Sandy Ryerson got fired and he wants to take over the glee club. Figgins says it will take $60 per month to keep the club running, and that he expects Will to pay it. Furthermore, we learn that Will needs to use the costumes and props they already have, and that he can't use the stools because wood shop needs them. Bell-ring transition, which by the way, thankfully disappears after this season. Seriously, listening to the bell ring every time the scene changes is like stabbing my ears with a number 2 pencil over and over again. This fades, actually, I'm pretty sure it's a wipe-transition. I'm starting to think this was edited in iMovie. Anyway, transitions to Will, shirtless, in bed, with his wife Terri. They look adorable, and he looks like he hasn't worked out in a while. Regardless, first obligatory shirtless scene in the series, and we're only four minutes into the show. Legit. No joke. He blah blahs to himself in voice over, then decides on a new name for the glee club, New Directions. 

"To this day, we still don't know which one is my real dad."

Over the next several scenes, we meet the future gleeclubbers. Mercedes who sings RESPECT; Kurt, who sings Mr. Cellophane; Tina, who sings I Kissed A Girl; Artie who ... surprisingly doesn't sing anything; and Rachel, who sings On My Own. We also get to see the first ever slushie to the face. We learn that Rachel msot certainly did not get Sandy Ryerson fired, by which I mean she did, because he gave Hotty McHotpants the solo she deserved. We also learn that she has two gay dads who spoiled the shit out of her and made her believe she was the princess of the universe. JAP FTL. She posts daily myspace videos which are ridiculdby the Cheerios pretty harshly. By the by, we also get our first shot of Skanktana in this montage. 

Mercedes Jones sings RESPECT.

Kurt Hummel sings Mr. Cellophane from Chicago.

Tina Cohen-Chang sings I Kissed A Girl

Rachel Berry sings On My Own from the seminal Broadway Hit Les Mis.

Q and Santana make mean posts on Rachel's videos. 

Jazz hands FTW

This cuts to a scene of the Core5 performing a terrifying rendition of Sit Down Your Rocking the Boat, Artie, the boy in the wheelchair, hence referred to as Wheels, says that him singing the lead solo is an illustration of Schuester using irony to enhance the performance, to which Rachel says, "There's nothing ironic about showchoir." I never know how we're supposed to feel about Rachel. Half of the time, I love her for taking Show Choir so seriously, the other half of the time, I hate her for being such a cunt. 

Could this be more dramatic?

Cut to the Cheerios and Sue on the football field, with Schu and Rachel in the background. They have a heart to heart about how Rachel wants to be famous even though everybody hates her. She claims to need a male-lead who can match her mad skills. Figgins wants to kill glee club for the sake of hosting AA meetings in the Auditorium. Schu convinces him to reconsider, which leads to him agreeing to do detention for free. Which leads to another scene with Terri Scheuster, at her job at Sheets N' Things. They talk about Will taking extra hours, and we learn that they're trying to get pregnant, at one point, Terri utters the words, "I'm on my feet four hours a day, three times a week here. Now I have to go home and I have to cook dinner for myself?" What a cunt. I wish I only worked twelve hours a week. Shit I'd work one day get all twelve hours out of the way and be done with it. Shit son. 

"Being great at something makes you popular.

Sandy and Will have a quick talk about Will taking over glee. Sandy has taken this opportunity to be prescribed medical marijuaña and he sells what he doesn't use personally under the brand name Chronic Lady. (for medical use only) He puts a free sample in Schu's pocket, and goes to deal with someboyd who brought him a toilet sat cover that looks like barf. Meanwhile, back at school, oh wait, did I say meanwhile? I have no sense of time or travel at this school. Magically, Schu is back at school and meeting with Sue in her office. They discuss the future of Glee, and ways to get new students to join the glee club. Sue shoots down the idea, but school counselor Emma suggests getting a few popular kids would be a great idea. 

So, Will gets Ken to let him talk to the football team. This ends badly. That is, until he hears Finn Hudson singing in the shower. So, how to get him to join the glee club? Well, that's easy, plants drugs in his locker, and bring him to your office to black mail him into joining glee club, and blaming it on, "mandatory bi-weekly after school locker checks." Finn's response is gold, "I'll pee in a cup. I'll pee." Will goes pretty much ape shit and lays it on thick. I'm pretty sure there are laws against this kind of thing, not just the drug possession, but really?

Flashback to young Finn and his tragic mother. After some pointless history about he and his mother being really close and her losing her heart to some guy that spray-painted their grass green, we flash-forward to a performance of You're The One That I Want from Grease. Mercedes is all kinds of pissy and reminds us that this swayin' in the background ain't her thing. She calms down eventually, since she's not Rachel and gives two shits about the rest of the group.

Later that evening, in the craft room of the Schuester household, we learn that Terri has a problem with buying shit, and lots of it. Not even useful things, just stuff. Like numerous toilet-brush holders. We also learn that Will has some sort of degree to be an accountant, and that Will doesn't want to be an accountant, regardless of what Terri wants. After Terri turns him down to join him at an invitational with Glee club, Will puts a sign-up sheet in the Teachers Lounge, which garners Emma's name. 

That Saturday, at Carmel High, we learn that Finn is dating the head cheerleader, who happens to be President of the Celibacy Club. We also learn that Rachel is crushing hard core, and that Mercedes is latching onto Kurt. Aside from all of that, we discover that Vocal Adrenaline, the show choir from Carmel High is made of win and oozing with awesome-sauce. The glee club is ... disheartened. 

Back at school, while a mysterious group of people playing steel drums serenade the school, Finn is approached and punished for missing football practice due to the Saturday field trip. This is about the time we cut to the Schuester household, where Terri informs Will that she is pregnant, leading Will to telling the glee club that he is leaving. Everybody looks all sad and butthurt.

Eventually, Finn is seen on the football field, after a vague degree of pointless bullshit, where he is approached by the team, who have locked Artie in a porta-potty. Their suggestion is to tip said porta-

potty, leaving poor Artie stranded, their justification is that he's already in a wheelchair so it can't do too much damage. I'll admit it, I laughed. Finn saves Artie, and on their way off the field, he gets a brilliant idea! Journey. I hate Journey. I hate every Journey number they've done on this fucking show. If I never hear a Journey number it will be too soon. 

Finn rallies the troops. We learn that he and his friends threw pee-balloons at Kurt, and nailed all of his lawn furniture to his roof. I rofl'd. Finn convinces Artie to recruit the Jazz Band. He has Mercedes cover costuming, and Rachel takes care of Choreography. Kurt and Tina are there to look pretty it seems. Elsewhere in the school, Emma shows Will a video of him performing with Glee, which urges him to stay and go through with Glee club. 

As the show rounds out, we see the glee club, in the worst outfits known to mankind performing Journey's Don't Stop Believin' as Will looks on with approval, and a new found dedication to New Directions.